Read Online Codependent No More Workbook by Melody Beattie - Free Book Online
Authors: Melody Beattie
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I know turn into a sane, respectable, and responsible person. This woman had truly been psychotic. I knew if she could change, I could too. Ever since, I’ve attended meetings.”
—Mike T.
Many different events can help us come to believe that change is possible for us. Hope replaces despair. We see change in others or we begin to see it in ourselves. Some people say that faith means we believe first, and then we can see. But when it comes to changing behaviors that have been lifetime survival behaviors, we often need to see first, before we can believe that change is possible for us.
Activity
Have you formally worked Step Two yet? If you’re on this lesson, it means you admitted there’s been some insanity and unmanageability in your life. Do you believe you can be restored to peace and sanity? How did you come to believe that? Do you remember a specific instance and time when that belief occurred? Write about it. It’s an important lesson to document.
If you’re attending groups and someone asks you to lead a meeting or share your story, do it. Your experience could be exactly what someone else needs to hear. If you’re not going to groups or meetings but you’re still working on changing your codependent behaviors, be honest and open with people who still suffer from codependency. It’s not your business to tell anyone what to do, but you can talk about what you’re doing. Don’t pretend to be perfect. Be honest about who you are. Tell the truth about what your life was like, what happened, and what your life is like now. Being honest about ourselves—who we are and how we’re being transformed—takes courage, but it’s an act of love that can bring others hope and healing. Your story is important. Share it whenever you can.
This Higher Power Thing
Some people resist the Higher Power part of Twelve Step programs. But some Steps, including this one, specifically mention God and the words
Higher Power
. They also give ample room for individual belief systems by saying, “God as we understand God.”
In the beginning of the recovery revolution, people said things such as, “Anything, including a doorknob, can be your Higher Power.” A personal relationship with a doorknob wouldn’t change me much. I can’t see myself asking a doorknob for help. The idea was that we’re supposed to stop playing God and understand that there’s a Power greater than us, and not let any negative past ideas or understanding of God or religion hinder our progress.
Twelve Step groups are more than self-help programs. They’re a spiritual recovery process. I haven’t seen one person change significantly without working a spiritual program. A big part of codependency is having an unrealistic relationship with power. Codependents believe they have more power than they do. They often think it’s their job to change and control other people. It’s important that people healing from codependency issues know that there’s a Power greater than ourselves, and we don’t have to do His job.
Due to the pain and abuse many people recovering from codependency have endured, they’ve either lost faith in God or believe that God doesn’t care about them.
If He did, why would He let this happen?
But Twelve Step groups aren’t religious groups. They’re spiritual, and there’s a difference. Part of recovery includes discovering that difference for ourselves.
The primary purpose for each specific group is spelled out in that group’s traditions. For instance, the primary purpose of Al-Anon and Alateen is to “help families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend, whether the alcoholic recovers or not.” The primary purpose of Co-Dependents Anonymous, according to the bylaws of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc., is to “carry its message to Co-Dependents who still suffer.”
The list goes on for each meeting or group for particular types of codependency, but
—Mike T.
Many different events can help us come to believe that change is possible for us. Hope replaces despair. We see change in others or we begin to see it in ourselves. Some people say that faith means we believe first, and then we can see. But when it comes to changing behaviors that have been lifetime survival behaviors, we often need to see first, before we can believe that change is possible for us.
Activity
Have you formally worked Step Two yet? If you’re on this lesson, it means you admitted there’s been some insanity and unmanageability in your life. Do you believe you can be restored to peace and sanity? How did you come to believe that? Do you remember a specific instance and time when that belief occurred? Write about it. It’s an important lesson to document.
If you’re attending groups and someone asks you to lead a meeting or share your story, do it. Your experience could be exactly what someone else needs to hear. If you’re not going to groups or meetings but you’re still working on changing your codependent behaviors, be honest and open with people who still suffer from codependency. It’s not your business to tell anyone what to do, but you can talk about what you’re doing. Don’t pretend to be perfect. Be honest about who you are. Tell the truth about what your life was like, what happened, and what your life is like now. Being honest about ourselves—who we are and how we’re being transformed—takes courage, but it’s an act of love that can bring others hope and healing. Your story is important. Share it whenever you can.
This Higher Power Thing
Some people resist the Higher Power part of Twelve Step programs. But some Steps, including this one, specifically mention God and the words
Higher Power
. They also give ample room for individual belief systems by saying, “God as we understand God.”
In the beginning of the recovery revolution, people said things such as, “Anything, including a doorknob, can be your Higher Power.” A personal relationship with a doorknob wouldn’t change me much. I can’t see myself asking a doorknob for help. The idea was that we’re supposed to stop playing God and understand that there’s a Power greater than us, and not let any negative past ideas or understanding of God or religion hinder our progress.
Twelve Step groups are more than self-help programs. They’re a spiritual recovery process. I haven’t seen one person change significantly without working a spiritual program. A big part of codependency is having an unrealistic relationship with power. Codependents believe they have more power than they do. They often think it’s their job to change and control other people. It’s important that people healing from codependency issues know that there’s a Power greater than ourselves, and we don’t have to do His job.
Due to the pain and abuse many people recovering from codependency have endured, they’ve either lost faith in God or believe that God doesn’t care about them.
If He did, why would He let this happen?
But Twelve Step groups aren’t religious groups. They’re spiritual, and there’s a difference. Part of recovery includes discovering that difference for ourselves.
The primary purpose for each specific group is spelled out in that group’s traditions. For instance, the primary purpose of Al-Anon and Alateen is to “help families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend, whether the alcoholic recovers or not.” The primary purpose of Co-Dependents Anonymous, according to the bylaws of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc., is to “carry its message to Co-Dependents who still suffer.”
The list goes on for each meeting or group for particular types of codependency, but
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