possibly Rick didn’t know this and
was worrying needlessly. It might be an idea to mention it casually over
dinner. If he lost his job he could be the one at home doing more of the
parenting. Ella paused, staring out to where Rick was already pulling up in the
driveway. She didn’t want to be the breadwinning parent. She wanted to be a
hands-on, full-time, stay-at-home mum for a couple of years at least.
But maybe she wouldn’t get the chance.
To her surprise, Rick was more cheerful when he came back
in. ‘I popped into the factory; things seem more stable today,’ he said.
‘Fingers crossed they stay that way.’
Ella decided not to mention her adoption-related research.
Time enough to bring that up if things did go pear-shaped with Rick’s job. But surely … There had never been the slightest hint the company
wasn’t doing well. It would just be Rick worrying too much – the prospect of
having a family to provide for would be more daunting now they were so close to
the end of the process. It was time to do some serious confidence boosting.
Chapter Ten
Monday 18th May
Gareth’s walking tour was to start on Monday morning, one day
later than he’d originally planned. Amanda and James had discussed this at
length on Saturday – there were pros and cons about both days – but decided
that Monday was the better choice. There would be no weekend hikers around, and
fewer people meant a smaller risk. Or at least, a less-huge risk.
Amanda shuddered every time she thought about it. They were
going to act out Gareth’s departure, she and James and Jaden. And how she would
manage to stand at Lamorna Cove waving cheerfully as James – playing Gareth –
disappeared round the corner, Amanda had no idea.
She woke at ten to six, her head thumping, and lay massaging
her temples and watching Jaden sleep. She couldn’t face the bed in her own
room, and the spare room, where Gareth had lain in his bin bags, was equally
impossible. So she'd moved in with Jaden. What she was going through now was
completely surreal. She and her baby – both babies – were stuck in the middle
of the biggest horror trip imaginable and she would have to live with what she
was doing for the rest of her life. She should have phoned for an ambulance.
The police wouldn’t have arrested her, would they? Nobody could say she’d
murdered Gareth. All she’d done was push him to stop him crashing into her and
her unborn child. Doing things James’ way had turned her into an undercover
criminal, and how sick was that? If only she could turn the clock back; if only
she had never met him.
Thinking about James drove new shafts of pain through her
head. She knew so little about him. They’d never talked in depth about their
upbringing, plans for the future, friends. Those other girlfriends, for
instance. She’d never seen any indication of them in his flat, but that didn’t
mean they didn’t exist. Thinking about the flat caused a fresh wave of misery
to break over her. It was so bare... Few knick-knacks, no piles of books or old
photos. She couldn’t begin to imagine what that might mean. Or she could, but
she didn’t want to.
It’s not his home , whispered a
mean little voice in her head. Fool that you are. It’s his
pad, his love-nest. What normal person his age lives in a studio flat with no
personal bits and pieces?
And then there was the baby. James hadn’t even mentioned it
when they’d made their plans. Would he still stick by her? And the most
terrifying thought of all – what if James wasn’t the father? Suppose he
insisted on a paternity test when the baby was born – and suppose it was
negative?
The nausea that accompanied her through most days pulled at
her gut, and Amanda crept from the room. Jaden should sleep for another half
hour. That would give her time to get her stomach under control.
James arrived on foot at seven o’clock. They were using her
car – it was no longer hers and
was worrying needlessly. It might be an idea to mention it casually over
dinner. If he lost his job he could be the one at home doing more of the
parenting. Ella paused, staring out to where Rick was already pulling up in the
driveway. She didn’t want to be the breadwinning parent. She wanted to be a
hands-on, full-time, stay-at-home mum for a couple of years at least.
But maybe she wouldn’t get the chance.
To her surprise, Rick was more cheerful when he came back
in. ‘I popped into the factory; things seem more stable today,’ he said.
‘Fingers crossed they stay that way.’
Ella decided not to mention her adoption-related research.
Time enough to bring that up if things did go pear-shaped with Rick’s job. But surely … There had never been the slightest hint the company
wasn’t doing well. It would just be Rick worrying too much – the prospect of
having a family to provide for would be more daunting now they were so close to
the end of the process. It was time to do some serious confidence boosting.
Chapter Ten
Monday 18th May
Gareth’s walking tour was to start on Monday morning, one day
later than he’d originally planned. Amanda and James had discussed this at
length on Saturday – there were pros and cons about both days – but decided
that Monday was the better choice. There would be no weekend hikers around, and
fewer people meant a smaller risk. Or at least, a less-huge risk.
Amanda shuddered every time she thought about it. They were
going to act out Gareth’s departure, she and James and Jaden. And how she would
manage to stand at Lamorna Cove waving cheerfully as James – playing Gareth –
disappeared round the corner, Amanda had no idea.
She woke at ten to six, her head thumping, and lay massaging
her temples and watching Jaden sleep. She couldn’t face the bed in her own
room, and the spare room, where Gareth had lain in his bin bags, was equally
impossible. So she'd moved in with Jaden. What she was going through now was
completely surreal. She and her baby – both babies – were stuck in the middle
of the biggest horror trip imaginable and she would have to live with what she
was doing for the rest of her life. She should have phoned for an ambulance.
The police wouldn’t have arrested her, would they? Nobody could say she’d
murdered Gareth. All she’d done was push him to stop him crashing into her and
her unborn child. Doing things James’ way had turned her into an undercover
criminal, and how sick was that? If only she could turn the clock back; if only
she had never met him.
Thinking about James drove new shafts of pain through her
head. She knew so little about him. They’d never talked in depth about their
upbringing, plans for the future, friends. Those other girlfriends, for
instance. She’d never seen any indication of them in his flat, but that didn’t
mean they didn’t exist. Thinking about the flat caused a fresh wave of misery
to break over her. It was so bare... Few knick-knacks, no piles of books or old
photos. She couldn’t begin to imagine what that might mean. Or she could, but
she didn’t want to.
It’s not his home , whispered a
mean little voice in her head. Fool that you are. It’s his
pad, his love-nest. What normal person his age lives in a studio flat with no
personal bits and pieces?
And then there was the baby. James hadn’t even mentioned it
when they’d made their plans. Would he still stick by her? And the most
terrifying thought of all – what if James wasn’t the father? Suppose he
insisted on a paternity test when the baby was born – and suppose it was
negative?
The nausea that accompanied her through most days pulled at
her gut, and Amanda crept from the room. Jaden should sleep for another half
hour. That would give her time to get her stomach under control.
James arrived on foot at seven o’clock. They were using her
car – it was no longer hers and
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