Read Online Chasing the Moon by A. Lee Martinez - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: A. Lee Martinez
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melody.” Vom snapped his fingers. “Hey, that sounds a lot better than the rat-hole metaphor I tried earlier, doesn’t it?”
“Just a bit. Let me guess… now that I’m Smorgaz’s reassuring tune I’m stuck with him just like I’m stuck with you.”
“I’d avoid using the word
stuck
when Smorgaz is around. He’s a little sensitive. And when he gets this insecure he starts spawning like mad. We’ll be up to our eyeballs in clones before you know it.”
“You don’t have eyeballs.”
“Figure of speech.”
“That’s his thing then?” she asked. “Spawning?”
“Yep. That’s his
thing
. Nobody does it better.”
The sound of tearing carpet drew her attention to another pint-sized Smorgaz.
“Yeah, you should probably get used to that,” said Vom. “Even when he’s trying to keep it under control, he usually spits out at least one Smorgaz Jr. every ten minutes. The unintentional ones tend to dissolve after about an hour, but they can be a handful.”
The small creature raised its head and smiled at Diana as it shredded some carpet with its claws. Vom leaned forward as if to spring off the couch and pounce on the creature.
“Oh, I forgot the new policy. Is it okay for me to eat Smorgaz’s half-formed spawns? Or are they on the puppy list?”
She mulled it over.
“Oh, come on,” said Vom. “You can’t seriously have a problem with that? They’re destructive little bastards who were never meant to exist in this slice of reality and have a shelf life of an hour.”
His argument was hard to counter aside from some squeamishness on her part. But of all the things he could request to eat, this seemed most reasonable.
“Okay, okay.”
The small Smorgaz yipped and dashed behind the entertainment center.
“Just as well,” said Vom. “They have a weird aftertaste.”
There was a knock on the door.
Vom perked up. “Is that Smorgaz? Are those the pizzas?”
“Down, boy.”
“I call dibs on the four biggest slices.”
She suspected it wasn’t Smorgaz. He wasn’t a fast creature,and even if he had returned with the pizzas she wouldn’t expect him to knock. He lived here. She didn’t know what to expect, but it wouldn’t have been surprising to discover yet another weird monster entering her life. Instead it was a tall, goodlooking stranger.
It was weirder than a monster.
“Hi, I’m Chuck. Chuck from Apartment Number Two. Down the hall.” He glanced to his left, then his right, then down, then up. Then, just to be perfectly sure, he looked behind himself and double-checked his right flank again. “Could I borrow a cup of sugar?”
“Number Two?” she said. “Oh, that’s the apartment with the… dog in front of it, right?”
He nodded, put his finger to his lips. “Keep your voice down. It’ll hear you.”
She peeked out into the hallway. The scaly creature was curled up outside Apartment Two’s door, and it appeared to be sleeping. But it didn’t have eyelids, so its bulbous dark eyes were always wide open.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I just need some sugar. I’m baking a cake, and I’m a little low.”
“Cake?” said Vom. “What kind of cake?”
“Does it really matter?” asked Diana.
Vom scowled. “We get it. I’m a voracious omnivore. You don’t have to keep pointing it out.”
“Sorry. Didn’t realize you were sensitive about it.”
“Sugar?” repeated Chuck.
“One second. Let me go check.” She jogged into thekitchen, opened all the cupboards and drawers, but came up empty. Reality-warping magical powers at her disposal, and she couldn’t find a single sugar packet.
Vom poked his head in the kitchen. “Check your pockets.”
She found handfuls of sugar in her pants. She emptied a small pile onto the counter.
“Did I do that or did you?” she asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Don’t suppose you have a cup on you?”
Vom opened the freezer and pulled out an irregularly shaped
“Just a bit. Let me guess… now that I’m Smorgaz’s reassuring tune I’m stuck with him just like I’m stuck with you.”
“I’d avoid using the word
stuck
when Smorgaz is around. He’s a little sensitive. And when he gets this insecure he starts spawning like mad. We’ll be up to our eyeballs in clones before you know it.”
“You don’t have eyeballs.”
“Figure of speech.”
“That’s his thing then?” she asked. “Spawning?”
“Yep. That’s his
thing
. Nobody does it better.”
The sound of tearing carpet drew her attention to another pint-sized Smorgaz.
“Yeah, you should probably get used to that,” said Vom. “Even when he’s trying to keep it under control, he usually spits out at least one Smorgaz Jr. every ten minutes. The unintentional ones tend to dissolve after about an hour, but they can be a handful.”
The small creature raised its head and smiled at Diana as it shredded some carpet with its claws. Vom leaned forward as if to spring off the couch and pounce on the creature.
“Oh, I forgot the new policy. Is it okay for me to eat Smorgaz’s half-formed spawns? Or are they on the puppy list?”
She mulled it over.
“Oh, come on,” said Vom. “You can’t seriously have a problem with that? They’re destructive little bastards who were never meant to exist in this slice of reality and have a shelf life of an hour.”
His argument was hard to counter aside from some squeamishness on her part. But of all the things he could request to eat, this seemed most reasonable.
“Okay, okay.”
The small Smorgaz yipped and dashed behind the entertainment center.
“Just as well,” said Vom. “They have a weird aftertaste.”
There was a knock on the door.
Vom perked up. “Is that Smorgaz? Are those the pizzas?”
“Down, boy.”
“I call dibs on the four biggest slices.”
She suspected it wasn’t Smorgaz. He wasn’t a fast creature,and even if he had returned with the pizzas she wouldn’t expect him to knock. He lived here. She didn’t know what to expect, but it wouldn’t have been surprising to discover yet another weird monster entering her life. Instead it was a tall, goodlooking stranger.
It was weirder than a monster.
“Hi, I’m Chuck. Chuck from Apartment Number Two. Down the hall.” He glanced to his left, then his right, then down, then up. Then, just to be perfectly sure, he looked behind himself and double-checked his right flank again. “Could I borrow a cup of sugar?”
“Number Two?” she said. “Oh, that’s the apartment with the… dog in front of it, right?”
He nodded, put his finger to his lips. “Keep your voice down. It’ll hear you.”
She peeked out into the hallway. The scaly creature was curled up outside Apartment Two’s door, and it appeared to be sleeping. But it didn’t have eyelids, so its bulbous dark eyes were always wide open.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I just need some sugar. I’m baking a cake, and I’m a little low.”
“Cake?” said Vom. “What kind of cake?”
“Does it really matter?” asked Diana.
Vom scowled. “We get it. I’m a voracious omnivore. You don’t have to keep pointing it out.”
“Sorry. Didn’t realize you were sensitive about it.”
“Sugar?” repeated Chuck.
“One second. Let me go check.” She jogged into thekitchen, opened all the cupboards and drawers, but came up empty. Reality-warping magical powers at her disposal, and she couldn’t find a single sugar packet.
Vom poked his head in the kitchen. “Check your pockets.”
She found handfuls of sugar in her pants. She emptied a small pile onto the counter.
“Did I do that or did you?” she asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Don’t suppose you have a cup on you?”
Vom opened the freezer and pulled out an irregularly shaped
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