was the night Bill told her about his plans. Plans that didn't include her.
They were in his car, parked by the lake.
She'd always known he was spiritual, and she'd accepted abstinence in their relationship, but when he told her he was leaving her, to become a priest, it was dagger in her heart. Young and in love, in that instant, her world fell apart.
At first, she hadn't believed him, couldn't believe him.
Her face still burned when she thought of what a fool she'd been. Pleading, arguing, and finally begging him to stay with her, not to go. To top it off, she'd followed the begging with a gauche attempt to seduce him.
She remembered every button on that horrid pink blouse—exactly seven of them.
She'd undone every one of them,
What followed was a long, painfully strained moment, and with his eyes fixed on her young, too plump breasts, he'd said, "I don't want this, Emily." Read, I don't want you.
She'd stumbled out of the car and thrown up.
A month later he left for the seminary.
Lynn said, "He never did become a priest, did he?"
"No. He left sometime in his first year."
"Did you ever hear from him again."
She shook her head. "No. Bill was a story without an ending."
For a time they were silent.
"You were just a kid," Lynn said. "So was he. I know it's stale and trite to say it, but you have to put it behind you."
She smiled, but the smile sat tight on her face. "And Peter? I should put Peter behind me, too, right?"
"You bounced into Peter's arms within the month. You made love, probably in a senseless, misguided attempt to prove something, and he never called you again. Two rejections in a row. Damn hard on the self esteem, I'll admit, but I've got news for you, kiddo, it happens to people every day—men and women. The difference is you've let it fester into an unhealthy, unjustified phobia."
"Yeah. One straightjacket away from the Cuckoo's nest, that's me." She tried a laugh, failed.
Lynn gave her a contemplative look. "My guess is that we wouldn't be rehashing all this if it weren't for the man you had to dinner tonight. Right?"
Emily started to deny it, then said, "He has started me thinking again. He said—"
"Go on."
"He said he was interested in me," she stammered. "He kissed me, Lynn. It's been a long time since I've been kissed. So very long." And his mouth on mine... Heaven. With a bit of hell's heat tossed in for good measure.
"Good for him. He's a smart guy." Lynn took her hand. "It's okay, Emmi. It's a good thing. Just relax. Enjoy yourself—enjoy him! Don't let a couple of yesterdays ruin all your tomorrows. I know you're shy, I know you panic, but give him a chance—try not to let your fear win. Promise me you'll try. Just try ."
Emily nodded. "I will." She heard Lynn, agreed with her, but it was Quinn's words that stayed in her mind. Demons. That was how he'd described fear. For the first time, Emily gave her anxiety a face, a nasty, gray face with bloody, beady eyes and twisted, sneering lips. She didn't like to think such a monstrous thing was inside of her.
"Good. And on that upbeat note, I'm going to leave you musing on the beach. James is waiting for me." She stood. "I'll tell him about the dog-sitting."
Emily rose from the log. "Actually, I'd better go in, too. I've mused enough for one night, and it's getting cold. Thanks for listening." Emily hugged her. "I'm lucky to have such a special friend."
"Aren't you, though?" Lynn replied, giving Emily a good squeeze. "Think of all the people out there who are stumbling through life without the benefit of my advice. Poor dears." She laughed. "Now if I could find a way to coach James in track and field, I'd have it made."
Emily looked startled for a moment and then asked, "Not going well, huh?"
"It's not my thing, you know?" Lynn rolled her eyes.
"Like biking wasn't mine?"
"Touché."
"Maybe you can find someone to help." Emily was determined to ask Quinn to help James but didn't want to get Lynn's hopes up—or James's. She
They were in his car, parked by the lake.
She'd always known he was spiritual, and she'd accepted abstinence in their relationship, but when he told her he was leaving her, to become a priest, it was dagger in her heart. Young and in love, in that instant, her world fell apart.
At first, she hadn't believed him, couldn't believe him.
Her face still burned when she thought of what a fool she'd been. Pleading, arguing, and finally begging him to stay with her, not to go. To top it off, she'd followed the begging with a gauche attempt to seduce him.
She remembered every button on that horrid pink blouse—exactly seven of them.
She'd undone every one of them,
What followed was a long, painfully strained moment, and with his eyes fixed on her young, too plump breasts, he'd said, "I don't want this, Emily." Read, I don't want you.
She'd stumbled out of the car and thrown up.
A month later he left for the seminary.
Lynn said, "He never did become a priest, did he?"
"No. He left sometime in his first year."
"Did you ever hear from him again."
She shook her head. "No. Bill was a story without an ending."
For a time they were silent.
"You were just a kid," Lynn said. "So was he. I know it's stale and trite to say it, but you have to put it behind you."
She smiled, but the smile sat tight on her face. "And Peter? I should put Peter behind me, too, right?"
"You bounced into Peter's arms within the month. You made love, probably in a senseless, misguided attempt to prove something, and he never called you again. Two rejections in a row. Damn hard on the self esteem, I'll admit, but I've got news for you, kiddo, it happens to people every day—men and women. The difference is you've let it fester into an unhealthy, unjustified phobia."
"Yeah. One straightjacket away from the Cuckoo's nest, that's me." She tried a laugh, failed.
Lynn gave her a contemplative look. "My guess is that we wouldn't be rehashing all this if it weren't for the man you had to dinner tonight. Right?"
Emily started to deny it, then said, "He has started me thinking again. He said—"
"Go on."
"He said he was interested in me," she stammered. "He kissed me, Lynn. It's been a long time since I've been kissed. So very long." And his mouth on mine... Heaven. With a bit of hell's heat tossed in for good measure.
"Good for him. He's a smart guy." Lynn took her hand. "It's okay, Emmi. It's a good thing. Just relax. Enjoy yourself—enjoy him! Don't let a couple of yesterdays ruin all your tomorrows. I know you're shy, I know you panic, but give him a chance—try not to let your fear win. Promise me you'll try. Just try ."
Emily nodded. "I will." She heard Lynn, agreed with her, but it was Quinn's words that stayed in her mind. Demons. That was how he'd described fear. For the first time, Emily gave her anxiety a face, a nasty, gray face with bloody, beady eyes and twisted, sneering lips. She didn't like to think such a monstrous thing was inside of her.
"Good. And on that upbeat note, I'm going to leave you musing on the beach. James is waiting for me." She stood. "I'll tell him about the dog-sitting."
Emily rose from the log. "Actually, I'd better go in, too. I've mused enough for one night, and it's getting cold. Thanks for listening." Emily hugged her. "I'm lucky to have such a special friend."
"Aren't you, though?" Lynn replied, giving Emily a good squeeze. "Think of all the people out there who are stumbling through life without the benefit of my advice. Poor dears." She laughed. "Now if I could find a way to coach James in track and field, I'd have it made."
Emily looked startled for a moment and then asked, "Not going well, huh?"
"It's not my thing, you know?" Lynn rolled her eyes.
"Like biking wasn't mine?"
"Touché."
"Maybe you can find someone to help." Emily was determined to ask Quinn to help James but didn't want to get Lynn's hopes up—or James's. She
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