Read Online Business Without the Bullsh*t: 49 Secrets and Shortcuts You Need to Know by Geoffrey James - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Geoffrey James
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They obtain a great deal of pleasure from squishing the positive feelings of those around them. The only time they really smile is after they’ve propelled everybody else into a sulk.
Traditional vampires shrivel and die when they’re exposed to sunlight. Workplace vampires react similarly when exposed to sweet reason. Say stuff like, “Wow, that’s a pretty negative spin.” Then move on as if the negative comment hadn’t been made.
As long as you refuse to get caught up in the vampire’s negative miasma, the vampire will get frustrated and decamp to some other meeting, or some other poor sap’s office, in order to continue sucking energy.
9. THE PARASITE
Parasites wait to see what ideas become popular inside a firm and then, when it’s clear an idea has support and traction, position themselves as its sponsor and (by implication) the brains behind it.
This behavior (aka “finding a parade and getting out in front of it”) is extremely common in large organizations. The reason is simple: being a parasite entails far less risk than being an entrepreneur.
To thwart parasites, call them on their behavior the minute they try to get out in front of the parade. Say something like, “Since you’re completely new to the project, you might want to hold back a little until you understand what’s going on.”
Beyond that, always keep an “audit trail” of your contributions to a project in the form of regular status reports. Send them to the parasite’s manager if the parasite continues to attempt to steal credit.
10. THE GENIUS
Geniuses are legends in their own minds. They talk and talk about the amazing stuff they’ve done in the past and their equally amazing plans for the future. Somehow they never seem to do anything in the here and now.
Geniuses take on projects but fail to follow through. As deadlines approach they can’t be found. When the work is finally turned in (often by others who have covered for them), a genius will disappear for a while to “recuperate.”
Dealing with geniuses requires persistence. Document what they’re supposed to complete and lay out frequent milestones that the genius must meet in order for the project to be completed.
For example, suppose the genius is supposed to update the technical specifications for your sales proposal. Rather than waiting until the last minute to remind the genius it’s due, send daily reminders of the commitment to both the genius and the genius’s boss.
If this seems as if you’re being a pest, it’s because you
are
being a pest. Unfortunately, pestering geniuses is the only way to hold their feet to the fire.
SHORTCUT
THE TEN TYPES OF ANNOYING COWORKER
WAFFLERS
can’t decide so force the issue.
CONQUERORS
must win so make them team leader.
DRAMATISTS
crave attention so ignore them.
ICONOCLASTS
break rules needlessly so avoid them.
DRONERS
are boring so find something else to do.
FRENEMIES
sabotage so keep them at arm’s length.
TOADIES
mean you must either leave or become a toady yourself.
VAMPIRES
leech energy unless you stay upbeat.
PARASITES
steal credit so track who’s contributed.
GENIUSES
are all talk, so pester them until they deliver.
SECRET 12
How to Handle Corporate Lawyers
Few things can gum up a business deal or put a damper on a great idea like the presence of an overzealous corporate lawyer. Fortunately corporate lawyers are relatively easy to handle. Here’s how:
1. FLY BELOW THE RADAR.
Assuming you actually want to get things done, it’s generally in your interest to keep lawyers out of the picture, unless your industry is one in which nothing gets done without them.
If you trust the people you’re working with, conduct the majority of your business using simple, self-created contracts. These take the form of simple statements like “You will do A” and “I will do B.”
Needless to say, flying below the radar means that you’re taking on the risk yourself should something go wrong. If
Traditional vampires shrivel and die when they’re exposed to sunlight. Workplace vampires react similarly when exposed to sweet reason. Say stuff like, “Wow, that’s a pretty negative spin.” Then move on as if the negative comment hadn’t been made.
As long as you refuse to get caught up in the vampire’s negative miasma, the vampire will get frustrated and decamp to some other meeting, or some other poor sap’s office, in order to continue sucking energy.
9. THE PARASITE
Parasites wait to see what ideas become popular inside a firm and then, when it’s clear an idea has support and traction, position themselves as its sponsor and (by implication) the brains behind it.
This behavior (aka “finding a parade and getting out in front of it”) is extremely common in large organizations. The reason is simple: being a parasite entails far less risk than being an entrepreneur.
To thwart parasites, call them on their behavior the minute they try to get out in front of the parade. Say something like, “Since you’re completely new to the project, you might want to hold back a little until you understand what’s going on.”
Beyond that, always keep an “audit trail” of your contributions to a project in the form of regular status reports. Send them to the parasite’s manager if the parasite continues to attempt to steal credit.
10. THE GENIUS
Geniuses are legends in their own minds. They talk and talk about the amazing stuff they’ve done in the past and their equally amazing plans for the future. Somehow they never seem to do anything in the here and now.
Geniuses take on projects but fail to follow through. As deadlines approach they can’t be found. When the work is finally turned in (often by others who have covered for them), a genius will disappear for a while to “recuperate.”
Dealing with geniuses requires persistence. Document what they’re supposed to complete and lay out frequent milestones that the genius must meet in order for the project to be completed.
For example, suppose the genius is supposed to update the technical specifications for your sales proposal. Rather than waiting until the last minute to remind the genius it’s due, send daily reminders of the commitment to both the genius and the genius’s boss.
If this seems as if you’re being a pest, it’s because you
are
being a pest. Unfortunately, pestering geniuses is the only way to hold their feet to the fire.
SHORTCUT
THE TEN TYPES OF ANNOYING COWORKER
WAFFLERS
can’t decide so force the issue.
CONQUERORS
must win so make them team leader.
DRAMATISTS
crave attention so ignore them.
ICONOCLASTS
break rules needlessly so avoid them.
DRONERS
are boring so find something else to do.
FRENEMIES
sabotage so keep them at arm’s length.
TOADIES
mean you must either leave or become a toady yourself.
VAMPIRES
leech energy unless you stay upbeat.
PARASITES
steal credit so track who’s contributed.
GENIUSES
are all talk, so pester them until they deliver.
SECRET 12
How to Handle Corporate Lawyers
Few things can gum up a business deal or put a damper on a great idea like the presence of an overzealous corporate lawyer. Fortunately corporate lawyers are relatively easy to handle. Here’s how:
1. FLY BELOW THE RADAR.
Assuming you actually want to get things done, it’s generally in your interest to keep lawyers out of the picture, unless your industry is one in which nothing gets done without them.
If you trust the people you’re working with, conduct the majority of your business using simple, self-created contracts. These take the form of simple statements like “You will do A” and “I will do B.”
Needless to say, flying below the radar means that you’re taking on the risk yourself should something go wrong. If
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