Read Online Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Joshua Harris
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this.. .again!" David said and laughed.
74
Claire held her breath. Was he about to...no...no, it couldn't be.
David began slowly and deliberately, using every qualification he could think of. "I was wondering if you would consider... praying about...the possibility of...maybe thinking about.. .possibly pursuing a relationship with me?"
Then, before Claire had the chance to respond, he rushed to assure her that she was under no obligation to be interested and that if she wasn't interested it was completely fine and that he would always be her friend if she said no-in fact, she didn't have to answer him right away.. .she could wait as long as she wanted...and....
"Can I give you my answer now?" Claire interrupted.
"Of course."
"My answer is yes," she said.
Standing there on the bridge over the Chicago River with his heart pounding in his chest, all David could find to say was "Cool!"
On his third try he'd hit a home run.
Learning As We Go
I see many things we can learn from David and Claires story. Let me share a few that seem the most important:
I. Remember, God is interested in the journey, not just the destination.
David wanted to finalize his readiness for marriage; God wanted to reveal idols in his heart. Claire wanted God to bless her choice for a husband; God wanted her to submit her emotions to Him.
75
It's a mistake to view the process of deciding how, when, and with whom we begin a relationship as something to "get through" so we can move on to courtship and marriage. God is in no rush. His interest in all this is not limited to getting us married-He wants to use this process, and all the questions and uncertainties it involves, to refine us, sanctify us, and increase our faith.
2. Don't overspiritualize decision making.
God used very practical means to lead David: a thorough evaluation of his own preparedness for marriage, the consent of Claire's father, the encouragement of his parents and friends, and his own sense of peace about asking her one more time.
C. . Lewis once wrote a friend: "I don't doubt that the Holy Spirit guides your decisions from within when you make them with the intention of pleasing God. The error would be to think that He speaks only within, whereas in reality He speaks also through Scripture, the Church, Christian friends, books, etc." Though God speaks to Christians primarily through His Word, He confirms and leads us in many different ways. But we should resist overspiritualizing the steps He expects us to take to make choices.
God knows all things. He knows whom well marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. If we're doing these things, we can make our decisions in the confidence that we aren't somehow missing God's will.
Will we fail sometimes and make mistakes? Of course we
76
will. But the possibility of failure should never paralyze us. Though it wasn't easy for David, God used Claires initial rejection of him for their good. God works through our choices and actions-even our missteps-to accomplish His best in our lives.
On the other hand, I'd like to offer one caution to men: I'm not saying that initiative is not required or that sitting around waiting for the Lord to drop a wife into your lap is somehow godly. As the old saying goes, "Lack Of' pep is often mistaken for patience." Neither should you mistake a lack of courage for wisdom.
3. Our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters.
My favorite part of David and Claire's story is when Claire began to fall in love with David's character-not his image or his personality, but his character. At first David didn't fit her romanticized notion of what mattered in a husband, but then she realized that he was a
74
Claire held her breath. Was he about to...no...no, it couldn't be.
David began slowly and deliberately, using every qualification he could think of. "I was wondering if you would consider... praying about...the possibility of...maybe thinking about.. .possibly pursuing a relationship with me?"
Then, before Claire had the chance to respond, he rushed to assure her that she was under no obligation to be interested and that if she wasn't interested it was completely fine and that he would always be her friend if she said no-in fact, she didn't have to answer him right away.. .she could wait as long as she wanted...and....
"Can I give you my answer now?" Claire interrupted.
"Of course."
"My answer is yes," she said.
Standing there on the bridge over the Chicago River with his heart pounding in his chest, all David could find to say was "Cool!"
On his third try he'd hit a home run.
Learning As We Go
I see many things we can learn from David and Claires story. Let me share a few that seem the most important:
I. Remember, God is interested in the journey, not just the destination.
David wanted to finalize his readiness for marriage; God wanted to reveal idols in his heart. Claire wanted God to bless her choice for a husband; God wanted her to submit her emotions to Him.
75
It's a mistake to view the process of deciding how, when, and with whom we begin a relationship as something to "get through" so we can move on to courtship and marriage. God is in no rush. His interest in all this is not limited to getting us married-He wants to use this process, and all the questions and uncertainties it involves, to refine us, sanctify us, and increase our faith.
2. Don't overspiritualize decision making.
God used very practical means to lead David: a thorough evaluation of his own preparedness for marriage, the consent of Claire's father, the encouragement of his parents and friends, and his own sense of peace about asking her one more time.
C. . Lewis once wrote a friend: "I don't doubt that the Holy Spirit guides your decisions from within when you make them with the intention of pleasing God. The error would be to think that He speaks only within, whereas in reality He speaks also through Scripture, the Church, Christian friends, books, etc." Though God speaks to Christians primarily through His Word, He confirms and leads us in many different ways. But we should resist overspiritualizing the steps He expects us to take to make choices.
God knows all things. He knows whom well marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn't mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss His perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love Him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. If we're doing these things, we can make our decisions in the confidence that we aren't somehow missing God's will.
Will we fail sometimes and make mistakes? Of course we
76
will. But the possibility of failure should never paralyze us. Though it wasn't easy for David, God used Claires initial rejection of him for their good. God works through our choices and actions-even our missteps-to accomplish His best in our lives.
On the other hand, I'd like to offer one caution to men: I'm not saying that initiative is not required or that sitting around waiting for the Lord to drop a wife into your lap is somehow godly. As the old saying goes, "Lack Of' pep is often mistaken for patience." Neither should you mistake a lack of courage for wisdom.
3. Our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse is often different from what God says matters.
My favorite part of David and Claire's story is when Claire began to fall in love with David's character-not his image or his personality, but his character. At first David didn't fit her romanticized notion of what mattered in a husband, but then she realized that he was a
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