Read Online Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris - Free Book Online
Authors: Joshua Harris
Ads: Link
Claire were reconciled that day. The experience, though difficult, strengthened their friendship.
69
Wanting It Too Much
Though his friendship with Claire was back to normal, the experience of being turned down was still confusing and frustrating for David. Why had God made it so clear that he was supposed to approach her if He knew that she was going to say no? Hadn't all his ducks been in a row? He had a good job, he felt mature enough emotionally and spiritually, and the people around him thought he was ready. He was ready! So what was the problem?
David talked to his pastor, Kenneth, who listened patiently as he vented his frustration. "Dave, I think you've made an idol out of marriage," Kenneth told him.
"No, no, I'm past that!" David protested. "I prayed about it. I evaluated my heart. I was content being single before I approached her."
"That's good," Kenneth said. "But look at your response to her lack of interest: you grew bitter; you got angry. That leads me to think that you want marriage too much. It's become a little substitute god in your life, and when you didn't get it, you reacted sinfully."
John Calvin wrote, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much." David realized his mistake. Marriage was a good thing. It was good for him to desire it. But God was mercifully using the difficult experience of having this desire denied to show him that he wanted it too much. He had been placing his hope for happiness in starting a courtship and getting married instead of in trusting God for his ultimate satisfaction.
70
Letting Go
Two years went by During that time David prayed about other girls. At one point he approached another girl in his church about beginning a relationship. She also said no. "That was strike two," he says with a laugh.
One girl David wasn't planning to go to bat for again was Claire. Their friendship was stronger than ever, and he didn't want to endanger it. Besides, he assumed that she still liked Neil.
But David didn't know that God was bringing Claire's relationship with Neil to an end. "It was distracting both of us," Claire explains. She and Neil finally talked and decided that being on hold indefinitely wasn't good for either of them. "We decided that we needed to assume that nothing was going to happen between us."
Letting go of the relationship with Neil wasn't easy for Claire. The emotional attachments were strong. "I have all these feelings for Neil," she told Pastor Kenneth. "How can I change my feelings and emotions?"
"You can," Kenneth assured her, "but first you need to change the way you think about Neil. Then your emotions and feelings will follow."
"That was exactly what I needed," Claire says. "For two years I'd been thinking of Neil as my potential husband rather than a brother in the Lord. I had to renew my thinking and release my 'claim' on him. When feelings for him would resurface, I could usually pinpoint the cause as wrong thinking."
Things didn't change overnight, but slowly Claire's feelings for Neil subsided. "God used that time to teach me to trust Him with my heart-to believe that if the relationship with Neil wasn't His plan, He would help take it away and change my
71
heart. And He did. He took the feelings away."
A few months after her feelings for Neil were gone, a most surprising thing happened. Claire began to be attracted to David. She began to notice his servant's heart, his humility, and his leadership. This attraction felt different than her prior experiences of liking guys. "Before it had always been, 'Here's the guy I want!' But this time, I thought, 'Here's a man I could follow.'"
Despite her growing feelings, Claire didn't want to get her hopes up. After what had happened the first time, she doubted that David would take another chance on her.
A Different Kind of Peace
David remained unaware of all these changes in Claire. But one thing he knew-he still had feelings for her. In
69
Wanting It Too Much
Though his friendship with Claire was back to normal, the experience of being turned down was still confusing and frustrating for David. Why had God made it so clear that he was supposed to approach her if He knew that she was going to say no? Hadn't all his ducks been in a row? He had a good job, he felt mature enough emotionally and spiritually, and the people around him thought he was ready. He was ready! So what was the problem?
David talked to his pastor, Kenneth, who listened patiently as he vented his frustration. "Dave, I think you've made an idol out of marriage," Kenneth told him.
"No, no, I'm past that!" David protested. "I prayed about it. I evaluated my heart. I was content being single before I approached her."
"That's good," Kenneth said. "But look at your response to her lack of interest: you grew bitter; you got angry. That leads me to think that you want marriage too much. It's become a little substitute god in your life, and when you didn't get it, you reacted sinfully."
John Calvin wrote, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much." David realized his mistake. Marriage was a good thing. It was good for him to desire it. But God was mercifully using the difficult experience of having this desire denied to show him that he wanted it too much. He had been placing his hope for happiness in starting a courtship and getting married instead of in trusting God for his ultimate satisfaction.
70
Letting Go
Two years went by During that time David prayed about other girls. At one point he approached another girl in his church about beginning a relationship. She also said no. "That was strike two," he says with a laugh.
One girl David wasn't planning to go to bat for again was Claire. Their friendship was stronger than ever, and he didn't want to endanger it. Besides, he assumed that she still liked Neil.
But David didn't know that God was bringing Claire's relationship with Neil to an end. "It was distracting both of us," Claire explains. She and Neil finally talked and decided that being on hold indefinitely wasn't good for either of them. "We decided that we needed to assume that nothing was going to happen between us."
Letting go of the relationship with Neil wasn't easy for Claire. The emotional attachments were strong. "I have all these feelings for Neil," she told Pastor Kenneth. "How can I change my feelings and emotions?"
"You can," Kenneth assured her, "but first you need to change the way you think about Neil. Then your emotions and feelings will follow."
"That was exactly what I needed," Claire says. "For two years I'd been thinking of Neil as my potential husband rather than a brother in the Lord. I had to renew my thinking and release my 'claim' on him. When feelings for him would resurface, I could usually pinpoint the cause as wrong thinking."
Things didn't change overnight, but slowly Claire's feelings for Neil subsided. "God used that time to teach me to trust Him with my heart-to believe that if the relationship with Neil wasn't His plan, He would help take it away and change my
71
heart. And He did. He took the feelings away."
A few months after her feelings for Neil were gone, a most surprising thing happened. Claire began to be attracted to David. She began to notice his servant's heart, his humility, and his leadership. This attraction felt different than her prior experiences of liking guys. "Before it had always been, 'Here's the guy I want!' But this time, I thought, 'Here's a man I could follow.'"
Despite her growing feelings, Claire didn't want to get her hopes up. After what had happened the first time, she doubted that David would take another chance on her.
A Different Kind of Peace
David remained unaware of all these changes in Claire. But one thing he knew-he still had feelings for her. In
Similar Books
