Side.
From the moment she got off the plane that summer, it was almost easy to put her life in Big Timber behind her. Though she talked to her mother and sister nearly every day, life in Manhattan was so different, so alien, it was like the life she'd lived before could have happened to another person.
Focused on her studies and working nearly full time to pay her bills, she didn’t have much time to think about Damon. To wallow in the hurt. To think about what might have been.
Then, just into her Freshman year at Cooper, the Twin Towers were hit.
Her mother begged her to come back home, and while Ellie briefly considered it, ultimately she knew she couldn't face it. Especially not now that the US was at war. A war which Ellie knew, thanks to Adele, Damon would be fighting very soon not just as a regular soldier, but as an Army Ranger.
As the months progressed the country got itself back on its feet, and Ellie, too, continued with her life in New York. But now she couldn't keep her memories of Damon at bay. And now when she thought of him, along with the hurt that churned inside her like a living thing came something else.
Guilt.
As the reality of the news coverage sank in, story after story about what the troops were dealing with—especially the Special Forces, deployed to the most deadly spots in the conflict, Ellie had to deal with the very real possibility of Damon's death.
As she contemplated that, she couldn't help but remember everything that had happened that horrible night, and the memories leading up to it.
Looking back, she couldn't help but see how unfair she'd been to Damon. Selfish, just like he'd said. Always wanting everything her way. Taking it for granted that he'd always be there at the ready to get her out of any scrape.
Because that's how it always had been, from that first summer, when she was eleven and he was twelve, and he helped her fix a flat tire on her bike when she'd taken an unauthorized shortcut through the woods.
Then there was the time he helped her pull her mom's car out of a ditch when she'd taken it without permission so she could go to a party two towns over.
In the days before cell phones, Damon seemed to have a sixth sense about when she about to get herself into a scrape. Always he'd appear, like magic.
Her own personal superman.
Eventually he decided it would be better if he just spent nearly every waking hour at her side. Since that was about the time Ellie realized she wanted to slap any girl who so much as looked at Damon, that suited her just fine.
Yet she'd never bothered to ask or think about what he might have wanted. And when he'd finally told her straight out, she'd shut him down. Expected him to come to heel like a little lap dog.
She still couldn't forgive him for just leaving without a word, but for the first time she acknowledged that as much as she wanted to hear him say he was sorry, she needed to do some apologizing of her own.
Yet every time she sat down to try to write him, it was like she was paralyzed. Her fingers frozen over the keyboard, her brain washed completely blank.
So coward that she was, she'd left it like that. Tried to shove it back down into the black hole where she'd managed to keep the rest of the memories.
Once again she let life take over. She graduated from college, got an internship at a fashion magazine, kept her job bar tending at a trendy place down town where the Wall Street suits drank hard and tipped generously.
Eventually one of those suits swept her off her feet and into a life that was as far away from the life she'd once dreamed of as she could possibly get.
At the time, it felt like the best possible decision.
Chapter 4
Now here Ellie was, her life having come full circle. Living in her mother's house, sleeping in her childhood bed.
Mooning over Damon.
No, she wasn't mooning, she corrected herself. Mooning implied something pleasant, warm feelings of anticipation.
Nothing like this acidic, nauseous burning
From the moment she got off the plane that summer, it was almost easy to put her life in Big Timber behind her. Though she talked to her mother and sister nearly every day, life in Manhattan was so different, so alien, it was like the life she'd lived before could have happened to another person.
Focused on her studies and working nearly full time to pay her bills, she didn’t have much time to think about Damon. To wallow in the hurt. To think about what might have been.
Then, just into her Freshman year at Cooper, the Twin Towers were hit.
Her mother begged her to come back home, and while Ellie briefly considered it, ultimately she knew she couldn't face it. Especially not now that the US was at war. A war which Ellie knew, thanks to Adele, Damon would be fighting very soon not just as a regular soldier, but as an Army Ranger.
As the months progressed the country got itself back on its feet, and Ellie, too, continued with her life in New York. But now she couldn't keep her memories of Damon at bay. And now when she thought of him, along with the hurt that churned inside her like a living thing came something else.
Guilt.
As the reality of the news coverage sank in, story after story about what the troops were dealing with—especially the Special Forces, deployed to the most deadly spots in the conflict, Ellie had to deal with the very real possibility of Damon's death.
As she contemplated that, she couldn't help but remember everything that had happened that horrible night, and the memories leading up to it.
Looking back, she couldn't help but see how unfair she'd been to Damon. Selfish, just like he'd said. Always wanting everything her way. Taking it for granted that he'd always be there at the ready to get her out of any scrape.
Because that's how it always had been, from that first summer, when she was eleven and he was twelve, and he helped her fix a flat tire on her bike when she'd taken an unauthorized shortcut through the woods.
Then there was the time he helped her pull her mom's car out of a ditch when she'd taken it without permission so she could go to a party two towns over.
In the days before cell phones, Damon seemed to have a sixth sense about when she about to get herself into a scrape. Always he'd appear, like magic.
Her own personal superman.
Eventually he decided it would be better if he just spent nearly every waking hour at her side. Since that was about the time Ellie realized she wanted to slap any girl who so much as looked at Damon, that suited her just fine.
Yet she'd never bothered to ask or think about what he might have wanted. And when he'd finally told her straight out, she'd shut him down. Expected him to come to heel like a little lap dog.
She still couldn't forgive him for just leaving without a word, but for the first time she acknowledged that as much as she wanted to hear him say he was sorry, she needed to do some apologizing of her own.
Yet every time she sat down to try to write him, it was like she was paralyzed. Her fingers frozen over the keyboard, her brain washed completely blank.
So coward that she was, she'd left it like that. Tried to shove it back down into the black hole where she'd managed to keep the rest of the memories.
Once again she let life take over. She graduated from college, got an internship at a fashion magazine, kept her job bar tending at a trendy place down town where the Wall Street suits drank hard and tipped generously.
Eventually one of those suits swept her off her feet and into a life that was as far away from the life she'd once dreamed of as she could possibly get.
At the time, it felt like the best possible decision.
Chapter 4
Now here Ellie was, her life having come full circle. Living in her mother's house, sleeping in her childhood bed.
Mooning over Damon.
No, she wasn't mooning, she corrected herself. Mooning implied something pleasant, warm feelings of anticipation.
Nothing like this acidic, nauseous burning
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