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Authors: Mike Milotte
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‘I could never really accept that he was in America. I secretly hoped he was in Ireland all along, Cork, Donegal, I didn’t mind where because Ireland is small enough to find someone. But America’s not only far away, it’s so big as well. How could you ever find someone there? I suppose that was the thinking behind sending him to America, that we’d never find him again. But I really secretly believed he was in Ireland.’
When she started inquiring, the first thing Mary was told was that she would have to tell her mother about the baby and the adoption. But her mother was quite elderly and Mary could not tell her after all these years. She was also told that she would have to have counselling. ‘It was just like shutting doors in my face. It was a big setback and I didn’t do anything more for over a decade.’
In the meantime, 3,000 miles across the Atlantic, Kevin had commenced his search. ‘I wanted to trace, to find out if my natural mother was okay, and let her know I’m okay. It was an innate feeling, something inside. I couldn’t really describe all the reasons why, other than to move on in my life. I was 30 years old when I decided to search in earnest.’ In April 1991 Kevin went on vacation to Ireland. ‘One day,’ he recalled, ‘I got a chance to visit Sister Gabriel, the senior social worker at St Patrick’s Guild in Dublin. It was a short meeting, maybe 20 minutes. My goal was to find out did anyone know where Mary Cunningham was. Sister Gabriel brought a file to the meeting, but she didn’t let me see it. She’s a woman of very few words, communicating when I asked questions but she never came out openly and volunteered information. She did give me some snippets of non-identifying information: my natural mother was a nurse, my natural father was in banking, that was all. She said she didn’t know where Mary was, and, whether she knew it or not, she certainly didn’t say my mother and father had married. I think there was a lot of information there I wasn’t being given.’ Kevin asked a lot of questions but got very few answers. ‘In the end I gave her my address in America and said to get in touch if Mary ever came looking for me.’
Mary did come looking. It was early in 1994, as she recalled, just three years after Kevin visited Sister Gabriel. ‘I phoned several times but I was always told Sister Gabriel wasn’t available, she was at a meeting, or she was away. Eventually I got an interview with her. It was quite startling. She told me my son had been to see her in 1991. And I asked, “well, what’s his name?” “Oh,” she said, “I can’t give you that.” So I said, “didn’t he leave his address with you?” And she said “he did, but I can’t give you that.” And I said, “couldn’t you just give me an idea of whereabouts he is in the States?” And she said, “Oh no I can’t do that.”’
It was a huge blow to Mary. ‘I came home really downhearted. What could I do? Sister Gabriel said she would write to my son, so I rang her every few weeks after that to see was there any news. Eventually she said she had written to him and the letter had come back – he had moved house. I still kept ringing. It was heartbreaking. There was no news. “We’ll keep praying, just keep praying,” she’d say, “something will happen if we pray.” But nothing happened.’ Mary felt devastated, frustrated and angry all at once. ‘I wasn’t getting anywhere and here was my son looking for me and here was I looking for him. We both wanted to meet. There were no secrets any more. And still nothing was being done, and I couldn’t understand this.’ After each call to Sister Gabriel she was left feeling drained and dejected.
‘I just wonder why I wasn’t contacted after Kevin’s visit to St Patrick’s Guild back in 1991.’ Mary said. ‘Three years had passed before I found out he’d been there. I mean Ireland is a small place and it would have been easy enough to
When she started inquiring, the first thing Mary was told was that she would have to tell her mother about the baby and the adoption. But her mother was quite elderly and Mary could not tell her after all these years. She was also told that she would have to have counselling. ‘It was just like shutting doors in my face. It was a big setback and I didn’t do anything more for over a decade.’
In the meantime, 3,000 miles across the Atlantic, Kevin had commenced his search. ‘I wanted to trace, to find out if my natural mother was okay, and let her know I’m okay. It was an innate feeling, something inside. I couldn’t really describe all the reasons why, other than to move on in my life. I was 30 years old when I decided to search in earnest.’ In April 1991 Kevin went on vacation to Ireland. ‘One day,’ he recalled, ‘I got a chance to visit Sister Gabriel, the senior social worker at St Patrick’s Guild in Dublin. It was a short meeting, maybe 20 minutes. My goal was to find out did anyone know where Mary Cunningham was. Sister Gabriel brought a file to the meeting, but she didn’t let me see it. She’s a woman of very few words, communicating when I asked questions but she never came out openly and volunteered information. She did give me some snippets of non-identifying information: my natural mother was a nurse, my natural father was in banking, that was all. She said she didn’t know where Mary was, and, whether she knew it or not, she certainly didn’t say my mother and father had married. I think there was a lot of information there I wasn’t being given.’ Kevin asked a lot of questions but got very few answers. ‘In the end I gave her my address in America and said to get in touch if Mary ever came looking for me.’
Mary did come looking. It was early in 1994, as she recalled, just three years after Kevin visited Sister Gabriel. ‘I phoned several times but I was always told Sister Gabriel wasn’t available, she was at a meeting, or she was away. Eventually I got an interview with her. It was quite startling. She told me my son had been to see her in 1991. And I asked, “well, what’s his name?” “Oh,” she said, “I can’t give you that.” So I said, “didn’t he leave his address with you?” And she said “he did, but I can’t give you that.” And I said, “couldn’t you just give me an idea of whereabouts he is in the States?” And she said, “Oh no I can’t do that.”’
It was a huge blow to Mary. ‘I came home really downhearted. What could I do? Sister Gabriel said she would write to my son, so I rang her every few weeks after that to see was there any news. Eventually she said she had written to him and the letter had come back – he had moved house. I still kept ringing. It was heartbreaking. There was no news. “We’ll keep praying, just keep praying,” she’d say, “something will happen if we pray.” But nothing happened.’ Mary felt devastated, frustrated and angry all at once. ‘I wasn’t getting anywhere and here was my son looking for me and here was I looking for him. We both wanted to meet. There were no secrets any more. And still nothing was being done, and I couldn’t understand this.’ After each call to Sister Gabriel she was left feeling drained and dejected.
‘I just wonder why I wasn’t contacted after Kevin’s visit to St Patrick’s Guild back in 1991.’ Mary said. ‘Three years had passed before I found out he’d been there. I mean Ireland is a small place and it would have been easy enough to
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