Read Online An Idiot in Love (a laugh out loud comedy) by David Jester - Free Book Online
Authors: David Jester
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past them both and strode into the main room. I picked up a magazine and plonked down on the sofa which stretched across and around the back end of the caravan like a tartan scarf.
Dad followed me. He sat down with a loud exhalation and turned to stare at me. After twenty-seconds of uninterrupted comical glaring he joked: ‘If you’re on drugs you can tell me you know.’
I lowered the magazine and laughed a muffled response. ‘If I was on drugs I would never tell you.’
‘Why not?’ he feigned surprise and hurt. ‘You’d be missing out. We could share. I have a cupboard full back home.’
‘Really?’
‘Sure. Uppers, downers, lefters, righters. I got the lot.’
I raised my eyebrows and lowered my head, gesturing that I wasn’t impressed with his attempt at humour.
‘Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be,’ he slapped his thighs with both hands and stood up. ‘It’s your loss. No drugs for you. Just don’t come running to me when you’re all desperate and shaking for your fix.’
He left a smile over his shoulder and then disappeared back into the kitchen, greeting my mother with an unwanted hug from behind before getting in her way when trying to help her with the dinner.
The smile that Lizzie had put on my face remained there throughout dinner. I ate with glee, keeping one eye on the gloomy day outside the window and my mind on Lizzie. She occupied every thought I had for the rest of the day and that night I struggled to sleep.
She made me feel comfortable. I had yet to feel myself around girls, but with Lizzie I felt at peace, I was content. It was as if she oozed an anti-anxiety drug that I had breathed in when I sat down next to her.
I hadn’t been talkative, I hadn’t been charming, but conversely, I hadn’t acted like a complete idiot as I had the tendency to do.
As I struggled to sleep that night, tossing and turning in a bed that squeaked and resisted every move, I decided that from that day I would never act like an idiot in front of a girl again. I decided that now I actually liked girls, and now that I had experienced my first crush, things would change for me. I thought Lizzie had lifted the spell.
On that peaceful night, when the moon cut through the plastic window like torchlight through a water bottle, I thought I was becoming a man. I thought things were going to be okay from then on.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I woke with the sun beating a spotlight onto my pillow and spreading bright warmth over my face. I closed my eyes and squinted out the glare with an unappreciative moan.
I cursed myself for not closing the curtains, and I cursed the day for waking me. I was up and staggering to the toilet, my eyes half closed, my bare feet slapping sullenly on the cold bathroom floor, before I realised that I needed that sun; I needed that glare.
If the sun is out, maybe Lizzie will come out , I thought.
The thoughts of running into Lizzie brought delight to my face. I hurried through my morning urination and dashed out of the bathroom.
‘Breakfast?’
My mother was standing in the kitchen, having been woken by my morning stumbles.
‘Erm, no thanks.’
‘You going back to sleep?’ she asked, still half asleep herself.
‘No.’
‘Then sit down, I’ll bring you your
Dad followed me. He sat down with a loud exhalation and turned to stare at me. After twenty-seconds of uninterrupted comical glaring he joked: ‘If you’re on drugs you can tell me you know.’
I lowered the magazine and laughed a muffled response. ‘If I was on drugs I would never tell you.’
‘Why not?’ he feigned surprise and hurt. ‘You’d be missing out. We could share. I have a cupboard full back home.’
‘Really?’
‘Sure. Uppers, downers, lefters, righters. I got the lot.’
I raised my eyebrows and lowered my head, gesturing that I wasn’t impressed with his attempt at humour.
‘Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be,’ he slapped his thighs with both hands and stood up. ‘It’s your loss. No drugs for you. Just don’t come running to me when you’re all desperate and shaking for your fix.’
He left a smile over his shoulder and then disappeared back into the kitchen, greeting my mother with an unwanted hug from behind before getting in her way when trying to help her with the dinner.
The smile that Lizzie had put on my face remained there throughout dinner. I ate with glee, keeping one eye on the gloomy day outside the window and my mind on Lizzie. She occupied every thought I had for the rest of the day and that night I struggled to sleep.
She made me feel comfortable. I had yet to feel myself around girls, but with Lizzie I felt at peace, I was content. It was as if she oozed an anti-anxiety drug that I had breathed in when I sat down next to her.
I hadn’t been talkative, I hadn’t been charming, but conversely, I hadn’t acted like a complete idiot as I had the tendency to do.
As I struggled to sleep that night, tossing and turning in a bed that squeaked and resisted every move, I decided that from that day I would never act like an idiot in front of a girl again. I decided that now I actually liked girls, and now that I had experienced my first crush, things would change for me. I thought Lizzie had lifted the spell.
On that peaceful night, when the moon cut through the plastic window like torchlight through a water bottle, I thought I was becoming a man. I thought things were going to be okay from then on.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I woke with the sun beating a spotlight onto my pillow and spreading bright warmth over my face. I closed my eyes and squinted out the glare with an unappreciative moan.
I cursed myself for not closing the curtains, and I cursed the day for waking me. I was up and staggering to the toilet, my eyes half closed, my bare feet slapping sullenly on the cold bathroom floor, before I realised that I needed that sun; I needed that glare.
If the sun is out, maybe Lizzie will come out , I thought.
The thoughts of running into Lizzie brought delight to my face. I hurried through my morning urination and dashed out of the bathroom.
‘Breakfast?’
My mother was standing in the kitchen, having been woken by my morning stumbles.
‘Erm, no thanks.’
‘You going back to sleep?’ she asked, still half asleep herself.
‘No.’
‘Then sit down, I’ll bring you your
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