Read Online An Idiot in Love (a laugh out loud comedy) by David Jester - Free Book Online Page A

breakfast.’
                  I peered around her shoulder at the room beyond; my dad was spread eagle on the bed, his legs enjoying the sudden extra room as they kicked invisible footballs under the duvet. On the wall above the bed I glimpsed the large decorative clock: 7.43 .
                  A little early for Lizzie to be outside playing.
                  ‘Okay,’ I relented. ‘I’ll get dressed first.’
                  I threw on my clothes from the previous day and sat down to a bowl of cereal and a slice of toast. My mother sat with me, drinking coffee and looking like she needed an extra few hours in bed.
                  ‘Why do you keep staring out of the window?’ she asked, watching me tuck into a slice of peanut butter encrusted toast.
                  I shrugged. ‘Nice day I guess.’
                  She stared at me with raised eyebrows, daring me to express any physical tells that told her I was up to something.
                  ‘They fitted new swings and stuff in the park,’ I said, deciding that she would see through the vagueness of my original answer. ‘If it stays sunny I’ll get to play with them later.’
                  She took a long and thoughtful sip of her coffee, staring at me over the rim, her eyes cutting through the steam. ‘Is that why you were so happy when you came back yesterday?’
                  ‘I wasn’t that happy,’ I said, hoping to play down my mood.
                  ‘You didn’t stop smiling all day.’
                  I filled my mouth with the remains of my toast to buy some time, letting a few thoughts wash over me. ‘I met another kid there, we had fun.’
                  ‘Another kid?’
                  ‘Another kid,’ I nodded.
                  ‘A boy, kid?’
                  ‘Does it matter?’
                  She smiled broadly, failing to hide both delight and amusement. ‘Well, if you want to bring her over here later on…’ she allowed the sentence to trail off.
                  I imagined bringing Lizzie over to meet my parents.  My mother would probably be okay, but I doubted my dad would let up. The stupid little references: “ Does your girlfriend want something to eat?” “ Does your girlfriend want a drink?” “ Kieran, ask your girlfriend if... And then his jokes: “ did you know Kieran wets the bed?” “Maybe you can replace his cuddly toy, he’s getting too old for that” and “ So, did he tell you he used to be a girl?”
                  ‘No,’ I said. I didn’t want to scare Lizzie away. ‘Maybe another time.’
                  Mum shrugged, still grinning.
                  I watched the clock over the next couple of hours. The time drifted languidly.
                  At eleven I eagerly rushed out of the caravan. My dad was just surfacing, he moaned with surprise as I brushed past him. I muttered a goodbye and dived from the elevated caravan and onto the grass below.
                  In the trees, at the exit to the park, I paused and composed myself before stepping out.
                  I looked around expectantly. Lizzie wasn’t on the swings. She wasn’t on the slide. She wasn’t on the climbing frame or any other piece of broken equipment.
                  My heart dipped but didn’t sink entirely.
                  I sat on the same swing as the previous day and stared at the view that had enticed Lizzie. The horizon was clear and shone like a shimmering topaz, broken by the penetrating rays of heat from the sun that bobbed on its surface.
                  I thought about what I was going to say when Lizzie came:
                  Hey Lizzie. Nice day isn’t