Read Online All Families Are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland - Free Book Online Page A

pulled up beside them. 'Hey, gang — whatcha up to?'
    'We made a balloon ,' said Sarah. 'We're watching its progr ess.' 'Aren' t you all clever.'
    Sarah asked, 'Do you have any pop there, Mom?'
    Top? I think I do.' She reached behind her and pulled three cans of ginger ale from a bag. 'Bryan,' Sarah said, 'you take them, okay?'
    Janet drove off, her final words being, 'Barbecue hamburg ers tonigh t. Be good.'
    Once she was out of hearing range, Sarah said, 'Uh-oh. I think I took the last of the barbecue ligh ter bricks for balloon fuel.'
    'Don' t sweat it,' Wade said. Til say I took them.'
    Bryan opened up the ginger ales and passed them around . The three sat as the balloon wafted away, taking turns with the binoculars. 'It 's sinking ,' said Sarah.
    'No, it 's not,' Wade said. 'Let me see.' He took the binoculars. 'Oh — it is sinking .' 'Where?' asked Bryan.
    'Down in Glenmore. Near the school.'
    'Wade, let me see.' Sarah grabbed the binoculars and Wade yielded. 'Ooh. You're righ t.' She watched as the balloon descended onto a subdivision. 'Uh-oh . . .'
    'What?'
    'It 's going to touch down on the Beattys' house.' Wade grabbed the binoculars. 'Oh, crap.''
    The balloon landed on the shingl ed roo f of a ranch house, which quickly igni ted. Sarah said to call the fire department, but Wade said to wait, that a guy next door to the Beatty's was hosing off their roo f already, and that passersby had stopped to watch. Next they heard sirens; the fire seemed to have migrated across the roo f underneath the shingl es, popping out of the righ tmost side like a cat's tongue. Then, whoosh,
    the whole roo f was ablaze and the fire engines arrived and a major scene unfolded. 'We are in deepest shit,' said Wade.
    'I told you it could start a fire,' Bryan said.
    'Bryan, so what,' said Sarah, 'accidents happen.' She put down the binoculars, and they watched as a small tornado of smoke rose from the house down the hill . 'Do you think they'll figure out it was us?'
    There was no need to answer this, as Mrs. Breznek from across the street walked onto the road in her apron, saw the fire and then turned around and began screaming at the three childr en. 'You li tt le
    monsters! Who the hell do you think you are? I'm calling the police righ t now. You're all going to get a thorough licking on this one. Jail, too.'
    'Blow it out your ass,' said Wade. Mrs. Breznek snor ted in disgust. 'Wade—' Sarah giggl ed.
    'How can you giggl e?' Bryan asked.
    Wade said, 'Shut up, loser. I'll take the blame.'
    'Wade, don ' t do it. I'll take the blame. I'll say it 's a science project that went wrong. The tether line snapped. If you take the blame you'll be shipped to mili tary school.'
    'I think the fire's out,' Bryan said. 'It 's just steam now.'
    Indeed the fire was almost extingui shed. A minu te later a police cruiser showed up at the house; Janet came out, curiou s and worried. 'Off icers?'
    'Can we speak to your childr en, Mrs. Drummond ?' The childr en? I—'
    Sarah spoke up. 'I had an accident, Mom. My science experiment escaped.' 'Science experiment?'
    An hour of confusion and technicalities ensued.
    'It was my fault,' Wade kept saying. 'I should have been watching more closely.'
    'Wade,' Sarah shou ted at him, 'stop trying to cover for me. The fire was my fault.' When Ted got home from work, he was careful to get Sarah's story first.
    'Dad, I was looking at your old technical journ als, from university when you were studying propul sion. I wanted to do something like that. It was a challenge.'
    'You sent a fiery payload up into the sky during peak forest fire season just because I used to study it in college?'
    'Yeah.'
    Ted grabbed her. 'You are the greatest li tt le princess in the world ! ' He squeezed her and made her giggl e. 'Jan — what's for dinner tonigh t?'
    'I was going to barbecue ... "
    'Let's order in pizza for once. And Wade, why don ' t you choose what kind.' He tickled Sarah's feet. 'You're so lucky to have a big bro ther to help