Read Online A Matter of Heart by Heather Lyons - Free Book Online

messed up, someone who selfishly
     clings to things she shouldn’t. Maybe it’s in reaction to hearing that Jonah’s
     struggling right now, too and it’s making me needy because there’s nothing I
     can do. Maybe it’s because there’s a very real possibility that we might never
     get out of this cave alive. But I can no longer help myself. I blurt out,
     laughing that ugly laugh, “What’s that? Trying your best to pretend I don’t
     even exist anymore?”
    Caleb does the mental
     equivalent of throwing his hands in the air in defeat. I ignore him. Clearing
     the air, seeing where we stand, laying the cards on the table—whatever it is
     I’m trying to do, and the truth is, even I’m not so sure at the moment what
     that might be, feels just as critically important as breathing.
    The cuff spins on his wrist.
     “Don’t do this, C.”
    Where does he get off,
     acting the victim? I plow forward, incensed. “You—”
    “ Don’t ,” he stresses,
     and his eyes are so sad, so . . . so vulnerable, I guess. Only for the quickest
     of seconds, not long enough for me to assure myself they were really there or
     not. But I pause long enough for Caleb to barrage me with a hundred and six
     reasons why Kellan is right with his request.
    Not to mention remind me how
     Kellan is technically receiving the short end of the stick when it comes to the
     Connection we share. Because I chose Jonah. And how that must truly suck for
     Kellan, knowing he can never be with his Connection.
    The large cave closes in
     around me. My skin is too hot, my clothes too tight. The air is hard to pull
     into my lungs. All of my thoughts scatter, and I’m seeing Kellan for the first
     time in my history class in high school, and the letter he wrote telling me he
     no longer thought we could be friends in perfect, excruciating clarity, and a
     zillion other moments, small and large. And my heart hurts, physically aches
     while bites are taken out of it.
    But when I look back at
     Kellan, boredom practically radiates from every pore. And that just slays me,
     because here I am, feeling so many, many things, and he’s acting like he
     doesn’t have a singular care in the worlds, now I’ve gone quiet and he’s gotten
     his way.
    Had I imagined it? Was the
     vulnerability yet another act he’s perfected that I’ve always been too blind to
     notice before? Or, worse yet—did he force me to back down by
     manipulating my feelings without my permission?
    I want to wipe that
     expression off his face.
    I want to hurt him like he’s
     hurting me. Hit him where it counts.
    My fists clench. “You’re an
     asshat.”
    And he proves it, because he
     doesn’t even bother looking at me. Instead, he yawns before offering a
     leisurely, “That’s probably true.”
    Nothing Caleb can say will
     stem this tide now. “Do you want to know what I hear about you?”
    Now he’s picking at his
     nails. “Not particularly.”
    I stomp closer. “Why are you
     acting like this?”
    His eyes finally find mine.
     And if he’s truly acting, he’s worthy of golden awards, because damn if I don’t
     see anything other than boredom and disdain in those orbs of blue. “Acting like
     what?”
    “Like you . . . I don’t
     know. Don’t care or something!”
    He looks me up and down, and
     had anyone else done that with the same look of carefully cultivated derision,
     I just might’ve slapped them. “Whatever.”
    I struggle to find anything
     that will sting. “Jonah would’ve gotten us out of here by now. He wouldn’t be
     sitting on his ass, picking at his nails. He would have done something by now.”
    Kellan looks up at me,
     eyebrows raised. Daring me to continue.
    I throw out my coup de
     grȃce. “I wish it was him here.”
    He surges to his feet. “That
     makes two of us.” When he’s not two feet away, he snaps, “Jonah puts up with
     your shit way too often. Grow up, Chloe.”
    I bristle. “Yeah, well, to
     put up with my shit, he