Read Online A Man to Hold on to (A Tallgrass Novel) by Marilyn Pappano - Free Book Online

Marti, Lucy, and Therese, had helped each other through their husbands’ deaths. They’d become best friends, sisters, family. They had assured each other that a new man in their lives wouldn’t affect them, but they worried anyway.
    Because she couldn’t say anything without giving away the relief that filled her at Carly’s words, she settled for leaning forward and squeezing her hand.
    After selecting a cookie from the box, Carly glanced toward the house, then said in a low voice, “Abby answered the door. Gorgeous haircut. She looks so grown up and beautiful. The boys at school tomorrow are going to be tripping over their tongues.”
    “Oh, gee, thanks for reminding me of that. You just brought back my headache.”
    Carly didn’t look the least bit apologetic. “I want boys. Little girls are so sweet and adorable, but then they grow into teenage girls and you have to deal with teenage boys. I want boys.”
    “Paul never thought about her growing up. In his mind she was always Daddy’s girl. If it ever occurred to him that someday she’d be dating, having sex, falling in love, he shoved it out of his mind. If he saw her today, he wouldn’t be able to live in denial anymore.” She paused to sip her tea before drily adding, “If he’d seen her yesterday, she’d be locked in her room for the next ten years. Oh, Carly, am I really considering sending her back to live with the mother who dressed her like a hooker?”
    Carly’s gaze remained steady on her. “I don’t know. Are you?”
    Some decisions were so easy to make. When she’d been offered a job in Georgia after college, she’d taken about sixty seconds to consider accepting, even though it meant moving far from Montana and her family, and she’d never regretted it. When she’d met Paul after he and some buddies helped her with a broken-down car, she hadn’t thought twice about his invitation to dinner—or to bed. She’d never regretted that, either.
    Not even when she’d stood beside his grave, clutching the flag presented to her by a solemn-faced general.
    “Every thought I have about the kids makes my stomach hurt, whether it’s keeping them or sending them away. I think of five more years like the last two, until Abby goes to college, and I can’t stand it. I think of not seeing them, not knowing what’s going on with them, whether they’ve been abandoned again, and I can’t stand that, either.” Her eyes grew damp as she spoke, and the tightness in her chest made a deep breath impossible. “I think about what Paul would say—” She finished with an inhale so sharp her throat burned with it.
    “Oh, honey, Paul would say that you’ve done the best you could. You’ve provided them with a home and security. You’ve taken them to counseling. You’ve tried, Therese. That’s all anyone can do.” Carly’s expression darkened. “That’s more than their mother or grandparents have done.”
    The words reassured her—a little. But there was so damn much doubt as she stared across the yard at the bare wooden fence that separated it from the neighbor’s. The unfinished yard, the forgotten plans, the disappointing life. Everything was on hold, it seemed, waiting for her to find a solution she could live with. Nothing was going to change unless she changed it, and she didn’t know the right way to do that. “I just feel so conflicted.”
    “You know I’ll support whatever you do,” Carly said. “But, sweetie, if you’re this torn, maybe you’re not ready to make a decision yet. Maybe you should pray more, think more, do the counseling bit more. I don’t know, maybe you should even set the kids down and tell them their options—straighten up and act human, be a responsible member of this family, or go away.”
    That was most of her friends’ opinion—at least, the straighten-up-and-act-human part. How many times had she heard it? I’d smack any child who spoke to me like that. My mama never would have put up with such a