looked up at him. “Hold me,” she said. “Hold me, and don’t ever stop.”
§
“So how was Berlin?”
This afternoon hadn’t gone quite how she had anticipated. How long had they been sitting like this? Settled back into that deep sofa, her head on his chest, just being together, no words. Letting that awful tension that had come from nowhere pass.
Maybe it was seeing Kayleigh and Uncle Bill this morning that had put her in this strange mood. Organizing the wedding while the funeral loomed; planning a future that wouldn’t include Kayleigh’s mother, Bill’s wife. Such an awful, awful thing.
“Berlin? Have you ever been? I always think it’s one of the strangest cities in the world. Place looks like a building site, even this long after the Wall came down. It’s stark and austere, but they’re some of the coolest, most creative people on the planet. Or some of them are, at least.”
“And the rest of them?”
“Sadly, they’re the ones I do business with.”
There was a tension in the way he held himself now. It was a shift she had learned to recognize. Ray was a man who didn’t like to lose control of things, didn’t like being pushed around, didn’t like it when he didn’t know for sure what was happening. It was why he could record an album in twelve days straight and then spend months mixing and tweaking the recordings, because he wanted to get it just right.
“Mo said it was TV people you were seeing?”
“TV. Record company crew came along for the trip. They all want a piece. There’s a lot at stake with this new album. I’m a lot of people’s pension plan and they all want to call the shots. And everyone tells me I have to just go along with it all. I haven’t been this much of a corporate whore since I was a nineteen year-old kid from nowhere on the cusp of breaking through.”
“When all you really want is to make music, right?”
He looked at her, as if he thought she was teasing, or mocking, but then relaxed when he saw she wasn’t.
“I don’t need all this.”
“So what do you need? Why are you flying to Berlin and jumping through the corporate hoops again? Do you need the money? Is that what this is about?”
He snorted a laugh. “No,” he said. “Ray Sandler Inc isn’t about to run dry.”
“So why are you doing it? To prove a point?”
“Is this what you do? In your business consultancy? I bet you’re good.”
“I’m very good.” They were both smiling now. “I’m very very good.”
“Oh, I know!”
They kissed. Slow and tender.
“So what would your advice be?” asked Ray, as Emily settled her head on his chest again. Such an intimate way to be: half-sitting, half-lying like this.
“I wouldn’t give advice yet,” she said. “I could offer you some truisms, of course, like try to understand what you can control and learn to let go of what you can’t. Treat people well. Try to dictate the pace and the rules. That kind of thing. But you can get that kind of advice anywhere. What I do is work my way into your business mindset, understand it from the inside. I’d keep asking questions until I understood what made Ray Sandler Inc work, or not work.”
“So ask.” He’d moved a hand to the back of her head now, the thumb gently stroking the nape of her neck, sending thrills right through her.
“Why are you doing it?”
“‘It’?”
“This comeback. You say it’s not for the money, and yet you’re frustrated because you’re being pushed around by the people who do control the money. Why?”
There was a long pause while he thought about her question, then he said, “Because that’s how the business works?” His answer had turned into a question, because he clearly didn’t understand his own motivations.
“But you don’t need it. You don’t need ‘the way the business works’ to dictate to you. Why make this record?” She sat up now, so she could see him better.
“Mid-life crisis?”
“You’re a bit young for
§
“So how was Berlin?”
This afternoon hadn’t gone quite how she had anticipated. How long had they been sitting like this? Settled back into that deep sofa, her head on his chest, just being together, no words. Letting that awful tension that had come from nowhere pass.
Maybe it was seeing Kayleigh and Uncle Bill this morning that had put her in this strange mood. Organizing the wedding while the funeral loomed; planning a future that wouldn’t include Kayleigh’s mother, Bill’s wife. Such an awful, awful thing.
“Berlin? Have you ever been? I always think it’s one of the strangest cities in the world. Place looks like a building site, even this long after the Wall came down. It’s stark and austere, but they’re some of the coolest, most creative people on the planet. Or some of them are, at least.”
“And the rest of them?”
“Sadly, they’re the ones I do business with.”
There was a tension in the way he held himself now. It was a shift she had learned to recognize. Ray was a man who didn’t like to lose control of things, didn’t like being pushed around, didn’t like it when he didn’t know for sure what was happening. It was why he could record an album in twelve days straight and then spend months mixing and tweaking the recordings, because he wanted to get it just right.
“Mo said it was TV people you were seeing?”
“TV. Record company crew came along for the trip. They all want a piece. There’s a lot at stake with this new album. I’m a lot of people’s pension plan and they all want to call the shots. And everyone tells me I have to just go along with it all. I haven’t been this much of a corporate whore since I was a nineteen year-old kid from nowhere on the cusp of breaking through.”
“When all you really want is to make music, right?”
He looked at her, as if he thought she was teasing, or mocking, but then relaxed when he saw she wasn’t.
“I don’t need all this.”
“So what do you need? Why are you flying to Berlin and jumping through the corporate hoops again? Do you need the money? Is that what this is about?”
He snorted a laugh. “No,” he said. “Ray Sandler Inc isn’t about to run dry.”
“So why are you doing it? To prove a point?”
“Is this what you do? In your business consultancy? I bet you’re good.”
“I’m very good.” They were both smiling now. “I’m very very good.”
“Oh, I know!”
They kissed. Slow and tender.
“So what would your advice be?” asked Ray, as Emily settled her head on his chest again. Such an intimate way to be: half-sitting, half-lying like this.
“I wouldn’t give advice yet,” she said. “I could offer you some truisms, of course, like try to understand what you can control and learn to let go of what you can’t. Treat people well. Try to dictate the pace and the rules. That kind of thing. But you can get that kind of advice anywhere. What I do is work my way into your business mindset, understand it from the inside. I’d keep asking questions until I understood what made Ray Sandler Inc work, or not work.”
“So ask.” He’d moved a hand to the back of her head now, the thumb gently stroking the nape of her neck, sending thrills right through her.
“Why are you doing it?”
“‘It’?”
“This comeback. You say it’s not for the money, and yet you’re frustrated because you’re being pushed around by the people who do control the money. Why?”
There was a long pause while he thought about her question, then he said, “Because that’s how the business works?” His answer had turned into a question, because he clearly didn’t understand his own motivations.
“But you don’t need it. You don’t need ‘the way the business works’ to dictate to you. Why make this record?” She sat up now, so she could see him better.
“Mid-life crisis?”
“You’re a bit young for
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