Read Online Zombies vs. Unicorns by Holly & Larbalestier Black - Free Book Online
Authors: Holly & Larbalestier Black
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hours.
The doors opened on a broad staircase going down into black, with the annoying kind of fancy steps that were so long you had to take an extra step before you got to the edge, but not long enough to take
two
extra steps, so you were always going down on the same foot. She couldn’t see the bottom, even after they had ducked all the way in.
Belcazar’s horn glowed white as they descended, a sort of cool, unforgiving pearly light. The walls were weird and smoothand curved, like they were auditioning for an Escher painting. It seemed like they were trying to bend away from the light.
“Ew,” Alison said, twenty steps down, with the dark cornflower blue rectangle of open sky above getting farther away than she wanted it, and a rotten stink getting closer. “Is this going to end up in the sewers or something?”
“Ugh, no; it’s a troll,” Belcazar said, stopping.
They hadn’t quite stepped off the stairs, but they’d bottomed out in a small antechamber, pretty much just a landing with a door at the other end. Alison didn’t see what Belcazar meant until the big lumpy pile of rock by the door sat up and unfolded concrete gray arms and legs and blinked little black pebble eyes at them. “Yum,” the troll said, and came lumbering toward them.
“Uh,” Alison said, backing away rapidly. Belcazar just stood there, though, and the troll got yanked up a foot short of the stairs by a chain around its neck.
“Yum,” it said unhappily, stretching its thick stumpy arms out at them futilely.
“They won’t stay put unless you chain them,” the unicorn said to Alison a little loftily.
“Thanks for letting me know!” she said. “So now what? Can you kill this thing?”
“No,” the unicorn said.
“I thought you guys could take out dragons?”
Belcazar pawed the ground. “Okay,
theoretically
I could kill it, but if it grabbed on to me, it’s stronger, and it’s not like there’s a lot of room to maneuver in here.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s going to let us by if we just ask nicely,” Alison said.
“Yep,” the troll said immediately. “Let you by. Go ’head.” It backed up against the wall and waved a hand at the passageway. It even tried a hopeful smile, full of teeth like broken rocks.
“Nice try,” Alison said.
“Aw,” the troll said.
“You’re a soldier!” Belcazar said. “Haven’t you got any better ideas?”
“Oh, yeah, absolutely. I’ll go upstairs, call around, and find someone in Manhattan with a grenade launcher, and we’ll come right back,” Alison said sarcastically. She wondered what a real marine would do. Probably shoot it with the gun a real marine would be carrying and know how to use, which wasn’t a lot of help.
“Riddle game?” the troll said. “I get wrong, you go by.”
“Will he stick to that?” Alison asked Belcazar.
“Of course not,” Belcazar said. His sides heaved out in a deep breath. “I knew I should have let Talmazan do this,” he muttered, and lowered his horn, his hindquarters bunching awkwardly on the steps.
“Wait, wait, hang on,” Alison said, because the troll’s hands were the size of basketballs and looked like they’d been carved out of solid rock. She didn’t really want to see what they’d do to Belcazar if he got close enough to touch.
“I thought you didn’t have any better ideas,” Belcazar said, lifting his head.
And Alison didn’t, at first, but then she said to the troll,“Are you only up for dinner if it talks, or would you be okay with chicken?”
The troll brightened right up. “Big Mac!” it said.
“Fabulous,” Alison said, sighing.
“That isn’t going to be more than an appetizer for that thing,” Belcazar said when they’d come out of the McDonald’s with the burger in a sack.
“That’s why we’re going to stuff it full of crushed Benadryl,” Alison said, crossing the street toward the twenty-four-hour Duane Reade on the other side.
That wiped out the rest of her cash, but
The doors opened on a broad staircase going down into black, with the annoying kind of fancy steps that were so long you had to take an extra step before you got to the edge, but not long enough to take
two
extra steps, so you were always going down on the same foot. She couldn’t see the bottom, even after they had ducked all the way in.
Belcazar’s horn glowed white as they descended, a sort of cool, unforgiving pearly light. The walls were weird and smoothand curved, like they were auditioning for an Escher painting. It seemed like they were trying to bend away from the light.
“Ew,” Alison said, twenty steps down, with the dark cornflower blue rectangle of open sky above getting farther away than she wanted it, and a rotten stink getting closer. “Is this going to end up in the sewers or something?”
“Ugh, no; it’s a troll,” Belcazar said, stopping.
They hadn’t quite stepped off the stairs, but they’d bottomed out in a small antechamber, pretty much just a landing with a door at the other end. Alison didn’t see what Belcazar meant until the big lumpy pile of rock by the door sat up and unfolded concrete gray arms and legs and blinked little black pebble eyes at them. “Yum,” the troll said, and came lumbering toward them.
“Uh,” Alison said, backing away rapidly. Belcazar just stood there, though, and the troll got yanked up a foot short of the stairs by a chain around its neck.
“Yum,” it said unhappily, stretching its thick stumpy arms out at them futilely.
“They won’t stay put unless you chain them,” the unicorn said to Alison a little loftily.
“Thanks for letting me know!” she said. “So now what? Can you kill this thing?”
“No,” the unicorn said.
“I thought you guys could take out dragons?”
Belcazar pawed the ground. “Okay,
theoretically
I could kill it, but if it grabbed on to me, it’s stronger, and it’s not like there’s a lot of room to maneuver in here.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s going to let us by if we just ask nicely,” Alison said.
“Yep,” the troll said immediately. “Let you by. Go ’head.” It backed up against the wall and waved a hand at the passageway. It even tried a hopeful smile, full of teeth like broken rocks.
“Nice try,” Alison said.
“Aw,” the troll said.
“You’re a soldier!” Belcazar said. “Haven’t you got any better ideas?”
“Oh, yeah, absolutely. I’ll go upstairs, call around, and find someone in Manhattan with a grenade launcher, and we’ll come right back,” Alison said sarcastically. She wondered what a real marine would do. Probably shoot it with the gun a real marine would be carrying and know how to use, which wasn’t a lot of help.
“Riddle game?” the troll said. “I get wrong, you go by.”
“Will he stick to that?” Alison asked Belcazar.
“Of course not,” Belcazar said. His sides heaved out in a deep breath. “I knew I should have let Talmazan do this,” he muttered, and lowered his horn, his hindquarters bunching awkwardly on the steps.
“Wait, wait, hang on,” Alison said, because the troll’s hands were the size of basketballs and looked like they’d been carved out of solid rock. She didn’t really want to see what they’d do to Belcazar if he got close enough to touch.
“I thought you didn’t have any better ideas,” Belcazar said, lifting his head.
And Alison didn’t, at first, but then she said to the troll,“Are you only up for dinner if it talks, or would you be okay with chicken?”
The troll brightened right up. “Big Mac!” it said.
“Fabulous,” Alison said, sighing.
“That isn’t going to be more than an appetizer for that thing,” Belcazar said when they’d come out of the McDonald’s with the burger in a sack.
“That’s why we’re going to stuff it full of crushed Benadryl,” Alison said, crossing the street toward the twenty-four-hour Duane Reade on the other side.
That wiped out the rest of her cash, but
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