Read Online Wrong Girl by Lauren Crossley - Free Book Online

behaviour
before she got out the car or trying to prove something to me. I know this
doesn’t make any sense but that’s the exact vibe I got from that kiss.
    They
drop me home a few minutes later, I thank Rachel for the day out and Zack for
the ride, hastily removing myself from the car as soon as possible. The rain
has finally stopped so I don’t need to race for sanctuary and I stroll across
the parking lot. I only glance back at the car once and notice him watching me
from his rear-view mirror again. He doesn’t take his eyes off me until he turns
the corner, disappearing out of sight. His absence leaves a great and gaping
hole inside my chest. I’d give anything to be my sister, to be sitting in the
seat beside him and not standing alone out here, wishing I was someone else and
longing to be with someone I can never have.
    As
soon as I let myself into my apartment, I run myself a hot bath to warm up.
We’ve had plenty of April showers lately and I don’t enjoy them one bit. I
don’t mind the rain when I’m warm and cosy at home but certainly not when I get
caught in it during the day. I spend the remainder of my afternoon on the sofa
reading a new book I downloaded on my kindle the day before. Jason sends me a
text to let me know he will be over later and I get out all the take away
menu’s I have, deciding to leave it up to him to choose what we order.
    I
have a little cry to myself whilst taking a bath. Talking about my personal
issues with Rachel really opened up some old wounds for me and as soon as I got
home I knew I would end up breaking down sooner or later. It would torment me
for the rest of the day if I didn’t let my emotions out.
    I
had an abortion when I was eighteen years old and words cannot even begin to describe
the absolute agony it caused me. My heart is still broken from what happened,
it left me a shattered, damaged and fragile wreck. The devastating truth of the
matter is I had already fallen in love with my baby by the time I actually went
ahead with the termination. I know many people will then wonder what on earth caused
me to make that life-changing decision if I’d already bonded with the tiny life
growing inside of me. I suppose I don’t have one direct answer for that
question but I can sum it up in one word and that word is fear.
    I’ve
suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. It started when I was a
child and developed on from there. I don’t have social anxiety, I can socialise
and make out as though I’m enjoying life just like everyone else can, I can go
out for meals and hold down a job, it’s something inside of me that’s ruined. For
as long as I can remember my greatest aspiration has been to achieve happiness.
I yearn for it and know that I would sacrifice anything to attain it. My
chronic state of worrying started during my childhood. Obsessive worries would cloud
my mind and steal every joyful moment from it. I thought it was something I’d
eventually grow out of but it never happened.
    My
relationship with mum just make things worse, she never supported anything I did
and she always treated me differently from my brother and sister. Rachel was
her favourite right from the start and I was often pushed out of the equation.
I was such a daddy’s girl, I absolutely doted on him and worshipped the ground
he walked on. We had this extraordinary relationship and I doubt I’ll ever
again find the magnificence that I recognised in him. He’d take me everywhere
with him and we’d go on these amazing adventures together, he would make up
these incredible stories which I’d beg him to tell me over and over again.
    I
don’t know whether my mum was envious of my close relationship with him or if
she simply hated me from the start but our relationship has always been fraught.
I learnt from an early age that she didn’t like me. She never gave me half of
the attention and affection that she gave to Rachel and my younger brother, Andrew.
    Our
father died when