friendly as possible, she was still clingy and jealous, often calling me during my time with Lucas or trying to get me to meet her more often than what I was giving her. Apart from all of that, my work load was threatening to crush me and my associates. Whatever time I had left at the end of each day or during the weekends when I wasn’t tied up with work was reserved for Lucas and my family.
“Luke,” she said my name in a small voice.
“I can’t do this anymore, Claire,” I said, meeting her eyes. “It’s not you, but I just…I just don’t have time for this relationship right now.”
“I won’t push so hard,” she rushed. “I’ll take whatever time you can give me.”
“Any extra time I have right now should go to my son,” I said to her and picked my sneakers up off of the floor. I sat down on the edge of the bed to put them on.
“What about time for yourself and your own needs?” she asked.
“Someday, hopefully under the right circumstances, you are going to have your own child and you will put your own needs aside, and you won’t regret it. I don’t.”
“That’s like saying you don’t regret giving me up,” she said, looking horrified at such a prospect.
“That isn’t what I am saying, Claire,” I said, getting to my feet. “But you look at it how you want to.”
I knew she was about to cry and I didn’t want to see that. I got off of the bed, grabbed my wallet off of the nightstand and turned away from her. I stopped in the doorway and spoke to her over my shoulder.
“I still care about you, Claire, but you want much more than I can give you, and you should go find someone willing to give it to you.”
She didn’t follow me out and I was thankful for that.
I went straight home after Claire’s. I felt badly for leaving her like that, but honestly, I was more worried about the broken condom. The last thing I needed was to have another baby – with another woman – when my relationship with Lucas’s Mom was so damn broken. I felt like my whole life was turning into an episode of Maury .
In the living room, I stripped out of my jacket, sneakers, jeans, and sweater. I left everything in a heap on the floor by the coffee table and fell wearily onto the couch. I usually slept on an inflatable mattress, but I didn’t feel like going through the motions of moving furniture out of the way, blowing it up and covering it with a sheet. I really missed my bed, and I was sure if I asked Lucas’s Mom to switch for a few nights a week she would meekly agree to it, but I didn’t want to have to ask her for anything.
I was just beginning to relax when I heard a muffled cry from the bedroom. In dad mode, I automatically got up off of the couch to go take care of my son. There was no regulation on who got up with Lucas on what nights, but since she was sleeping in the same room with him she almost always got to him first, but sometimes I would come in and take over. She never argued, but simply went back to bed.
I pushed the door open just after another cry. I walked over to Lucas’s crib, but was surprised to find him fast asleep and completely still. I scratched my head like a cartoon chara cter. Was I really that freaked out by the condom thing?
And then she stirred on the bed behind me and I realized just as she let out something that resembled a sob that it was never Lucas crying. It was his mom.
I don’t know why this floored me and literally made me immobile as I watched her hands shoot up as if blocking a blow.
“Please stop,” she said in such a heartbreaking, pathetic, soul crushing voice that it knocked the breath out of me. “Stop it!”
It sounded as if she was trying to scream out her words of distress, but it was faint aloud in reality. She turned to her side and curled into a ball as little sobs escaped her lips.
“My baby,” she mewed. “You’re going to hurt my baby.”
It hit me then. It really hit me. I knew that Kyle was somehow responsible for the
“Luke,” she said my name in a small voice.
“I can’t do this anymore, Claire,” I said, meeting her eyes. “It’s not you, but I just…I just don’t have time for this relationship right now.”
“I won’t push so hard,” she rushed. “I’ll take whatever time you can give me.”
“Any extra time I have right now should go to my son,” I said to her and picked my sneakers up off of the floor. I sat down on the edge of the bed to put them on.
“What about time for yourself and your own needs?” she asked.
“Someday, hopefully under the right circumstances, you are going to have your own child and you will put your own needs aside, and you won’t regret it. I don’t.”
“That’s like saying you don’t regret giving me up,” she said, looking horrified at such a prospect.
“That isn’t what I am saying, Claire,” I said, getting to my feet. “But you look at it how you want to.”
I knew she was about to cry and I didn’t want to see that. I got off of the bed, grabbed my wallet off of the nightstand and turned away from her. I stopped in the doorway and spoke to her over my shoulder.
“I still care about you, Claire, but you want much more than I can give you, and you should go find someone willing to give it to you.”
She didn’t follow me out and I was thankful for that.
I went straight home after Claire’s. I felt badly for leaving her like that, but honestly, I was more worried about the broken condom. The last thing I needed was to have another baby – with another woman – when my relationship with Lucas’s Mom was so damn broken. I felt like my whole life was turning into an episode of Maury .
In the living room, I stripped out of my jacket, sneakers, jeans, and sweater. I left everything in a heap on the floor by the coffee table and fell wearily onto the couch. I usually slept on an inflatable mattress, but I didn’t feel like going through the motions of moving furniture out of the way, blowing it up and covering it with a sheet. I really missed my bed, and I was sure if I asked Lucas’s Mom to switch for a few nights a week she would meekly agree to it, but I didn’t want to have to ask her for anything.
I was just beginning to relax when I heard a muffled cry from the bedroom. In dad mode, I automatically got up off of the couch to go take care of my son. There was no regulation on who got up with Lucas on what nights, but since she was sleeping in the same room with him she almost always got to him first, but sometimes I would come in and take over. She never argued, but simply went back to bed.
I pushed the door open just after another cry. I walked over to Lucas’s crib, but was surprised to find him fast asleep and completely still. I scratched my head like a cartoon chara cter. Was I really that freaked out by the condom thing?
And then she stirred on the bed behind me and I realized just as she let out something that resembled a sob that it was never Lucas crying. It was his mom.
I don’t know why this floored me and literally made me immobile as I watched her hands shoot up as if blocking a blow.
“Please stop,” she said in such a heartbreaking, pathetic, soul crushing voice that it knocked the breath out of me. “Stop it!”
It sounded as if she was trying to scream out her words of distress, but it was faint aloud in reality. She turned to her side and curled into a ball as little sobs escaped her lips.
“My baby,” she mewed. “You’re going to hurt my baby.”
It hit me then. It really hit me. I knew that Kyle was somehow responsible for the
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