"Listen, you dumb bitch," the man said, his quiet voice too-patient.
I was listening. Really. I was listening really, really hard. I knew what he wanted me to say.
He'd been excruciatingly clear on that front. I knew exactly what information he wanted from me.
There was only one trouble.
One tiny detail.
I didn't have it.
I didn't know how long it had been since I was taken, but I knew it had been too, too long. I figured I'd be rescued by the cops or by Merle or by someone, anyone, within the first few hours.
I mean, let's be honest: I was a pretty suburban girl with a bright future. If you have to be kidnapped, there's no better person to be other than maybe an adorable child - people are going to look for you.
It's not fair, but when I was huddled in the back of that car being driven away from my home, I didn't care about fair. I cared about results. I cared about getting home. I cared about my dog, my poor Bear, who'd been hit by these assholes.
I mean, how unfair can you get?
Taking me was one thing, but you can't get much lower than hitting an old Lab. They're basically made of arthritis held together by love.
The man repeated himself. "Listen, you dumb bitch."
I winced.
Him repeating himself was never good for me.
I tried to escape inside my head, to think of something happier, but all I could think about was the awful car ride I'd gone on...
"Merle, please find me," I whispered to myself, confident that no one would hear me over the sound of loud music and men talking cheerfully.
I could hardly believe that they could sound so normal. I didn't understand Spanish - I mean, I had taken a few years in high school, so I got maybe one word in twenty - but they were laughing and talking over each other.
They were having a normal, friendly conversation, in the car where they’d kidnapped someone. That chilled me.
I wanted them to think that this was a big fucking deal, to be afraid and angry and on edge.
Apparently, to these men, kidnapping a teenager was just another day.
The thought of that made me start shivering, even though by rights I should have been overheated. I tried to curl up smaller, but apparently got in someone’s way.
When I brushed a pair of boots, it withdrew for a moment and then connected in a hard kick to my back.
I spent the rest of the car ride shivering and crying.
“ Where do those assholes keep the dope?” Jefe said. Boss. That’s all I knew him as - el Jefe.
“ I don’t know,” I sobbed. “I don’t know, I’m sorry. I’d tell you if I could.”
He raised his hand and I flinched.
He smirked.
Instead of hitting me, he left, turning off the lights as the door shut.
Fuck.
No.
Not again.
El Jefe had beaten me, he’d tied me up and doused me with cold water again and again, he’d spit on me and screamed at me and threatened my family… but nothing compared to being left alone in the dark.
The first time he’d abandoned me in my prison, I’d been relieved. At least he wasn’t hurting me.
I don’t know how long I was in there before I started to hear things.
There was nothing quite as terrifying as being trapped in a featureless void, knowing that someone was going to appear to hurt me, but not knowing when or where or how.
As my hunger grew, I started to wonder if they would forget about me entirely, if they’d just leave me to starve to death.
I curled up in a ball and waited, whimpering and shivering.
This time, I told myself, I’d be braver.
Last time, I had managed to rise to my knees in the dark and find a wall. Just that little bit of progress against my fear had felt like a victory worth a ribbon cutting and buckets of confetti.
This time, I would stand up.
Come on, Megan , I told myself. You can do this.
I pulled myself to my knees in the dark. That was step one.
It
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