Read Online Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love by Barbara Pease - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Barbara Pease
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daily. Remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries also rates highly on a woman’s measurement of a man’s love. Bringing gifts, however small, tells a woman a man loves her—and the simpler, the better: A small flower from the garden and a handwritten love note or card are winners. The point is that a man’s
actions
are the key, not the actual gift. Most men, however, feel that a gift must be large or expensive because that is how they measure the worth of gifts. For a woman, the gift of a handpicked flower from the garden carries more clout than receiving an electric toaster. Twelve roses may be perceived as a decoration for the home, but there is no doubt in a woman’s mind of what a single rose means.
2. Faithfulness
Fidelity offers the promise that a man will continue to share his resources with a woman, but a woman’s definition of infidelity is very different from a man’s. A man is concerned that she might have sex with another man, which could result inhim investing his time in raising another man’s child. A woman’s chief concern is about the emotional connection between her man and his fling. This is why her first question is always “Do you love this woman?” In other words, “Will you commit your resources to her?” The actual sex he had with her is not her prime issue. If a man says, “No, it was just sex,” he will rarely be believed, because women cannot understand how you can have sex with someone without first having an emotional connection. But for men, it’s easy. Men can compartmentalize lust and love in the brain, so that sex is just sex and love is love. The bottom line for women is that sex equals love, which equals redirection of his resources. If a man says he’ll be faithful, a woman feels that he won’t share his resources with someone else.
3. Kindness
According to Dr. Buss’s research, kindness ranks third most desirable by women in thirty-two cultures because it also symbolizes commitment. Reproductive resource is the key item a woman can offer, so she is discriminating about whom she will give it to, and love, sincerity, generosity, and kindness are her prerequisites. Ancestral women preferred generous men and avoided tightfisted men because the generous ones would provide resources and protection for her and her offspring, giving them a greater chance of their survival.
Women who have their own resources, status, and power still go for men with their own resources. Buss found that almost all women, regardless of culture, showed a strong preference for financially successful men and that financially successful women showed an even stronger preference for these men because they want a man who is stronger than they are. This is why you’ll rarely see a rich, powerful, successful woman with a man who is a total loser. We conducted a survey of 624 European female executives, and 86% said they would not be interested in men who were less successful thanthemselves, 9% said they would consider the idea, and 5% felt it wouldn’t matter.
So how do the aging female movie stars who couple with much younger males fit these findings? These are usually older, successful women who have a string of younger, less successful men. First, from an evolutionary standpoint, these unions have no value, because the women have no reproductive value, whereas a sixty-year-old man and a twenty-five-year-old woman do. For every five women aged sixty, there are only three men of similar age available, so an older woman’s choices are more limited, whereas older men have a preference for younger women—they’d rather have a thirty-five-year-old woman than a sixty-year-old if possible. An older woman can feel young again with a younger suitor, but a younger man will enter this type of arrangement because of the benefits he can get—money, power, fame, and notoriety. In other words, she has resources—money, status, connections, and power—and he’d like to have some,
actions
are the key, not the actual gift. Most men, however, feel that a gift must be large or expensive because that is how they measure the worth of gifts. For a woman, the gift of a handpicked flower from the garden carries more clout than receiving an electric toaster. Twelve roses may be perceived as a decoration for the home, but there is no doubt in a woman’s mind of what a single rose means.
2. Faithfulness
Fidelity offers the promise that a man will continue to share his resources with a woman, but a woman’s definition of infidelity is very different from a man’s. A man is concerned that she might have sex with another man, which could result inhim investing his time in raising another man’s child. A woman’s chief concern is about the emotional connection between her man and his fling. This is why her first question is always “Do you love this woman?” In other words, “Will you commit your resources to her?” The actual sex he had with her is not her prime issue. If a man says, “No, it was just sex,” he will rarely be believed, because women cannot understand how you can have sex with someone without first having an emotional connection. But for men, it’s easy. Men can compartmentalize lust and love in the brain, so that sex is just sex and love is love. The bottom line for women is that sex equals love, which equals redirection of his resources. If a man says he’ll be faithful, a woman feels that he won’t share his resources with someone else.
3. Kindness
According to Dr. Buss’s research, kindness ranks third most desirable by women in thirty-two cultures because it also symbolizes commitment. Reproductive resource is the key item a woman can offer, so she is discriminating about whom she will give it to, and love, sincerity, generosity, and kindness are her prerequisites. Ancestral women preferred generous men and avoided tightfisted men because the generous ones would provide resources and protection for her and her offspring, giving them a greater chance of their survival.
Women who have their own resources, status, and power still go for men with their own resources. Buss found that almost all women, regardless of culture, showed a strong preference for financially successful men and that financially successful women showed an even stronger preference for these men because they want a man who is stronger than they are. This is why you’ll rarely see a rich, powerful, successful woman with a man who is a total loser. We conducted a survey of 624 European female executives, and 86% said they would not be interested in men who were less successful thanthemselves, 9% said they would consider the idea, and 5% felt it wouldn’t matter.
So how do the aging female movie stars who couple with much younger males fit these findings? These are usually older, successful women who have a string of younger, less successful men. First, from an evolutionary standpoint, these unions have no value, because the women have no reproductive value, whereas a sixty-year-old man and a twenty-five-year-old woman do. For every five women aged sixty, there are only three men of similar age available, so an older woman’s choices are more limited, whereas older men have a preference for younger women—they’d rather have a thirty-five-year-old woman than a sixty-year-old if possible. An older woman can feel young again with a younger suitor, but a younger man will enter this type of arrangement because of the benefits he can get—money, power, fame, and notoriety. In other words, she has resources—money, status, connections, and power—and he’d like to have some,
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