Read Online Whispered Confessions (Touched By You) by Emily Jane Trent - Free Book Online
Authors: Emily Jane Trent
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But I didn’t find the excitement there. It was a matter of trying things out, something you do when you are young. Like women kissing women, just to see how it feels. I suppose it was a way to find out what I liked.
“I was in the group that practiced sex with dominant/submissive roles. And it was easier there to find women that had a taste for my preferences. I never did anything a woman didn’t get pleasure from. Or so they told me.
“And Aimee…I guess we were matched, sexually, for a while. She liked it rough and played the submissive well. Though seeing her outside the bedroom you wouldn’t think so. She can be very aggressive.
“She liked submitting to me and I liked sex with her. I would be lying if I said otherwise.”
“Do you ever miss that?” Natalie waited, hoping she knew the answer.
Tanner pulled her into his arms and pressed her head under his jaw while he explained: “No, baby, I don’t miss that. I have that with you. And more.
“Actually, that is what split us up. I guess Aimee felt that if we had such intense sexual experiences that it would lead to love. And maybe it should have. But for me, it didn’t.
“She wanted me to commit to her, wanted more than I felt. So I ended it.”
“Just like that?”
“Pretty much. I didn’t see the point in continuing. It would only make it worse.”
“But Tanner, I don’t think she’s ever forgotten you. Maybe she won’t.”
“I don’t know about that. I know her personality. It’s possible she just doesn’t like being told no. But it doesn’t matter to us.
“I hope you don’t hold my past against me. I didn’t know you then. I’d never met you. Absolutely, I never expected to meet a woman like you, much less fall in love.
“Then I saw you at that concert. It seems so long ago, that concert in San Francisco, and in another way it seems like no time at all has passed. I think I knew the instant I saw you that you were my future. I couldn’t face it at the time, and more than anything, I certainly didn’t think I was the best choice for you.
“Yet I never forgot you. Seeing you, something changed. I changed. You got so mad later when you found out I’d kept an eye on you. I admit it wasn’t the best approach. But it was all I had. I couldn’t let you go. I could never let you go.”
Natalie was silent. After hearing Tanner bare his soul, she wondered if there was anything she should confess. He must have thought the same.
“What about you? Before you met me, you must have dated.” Tanner lifted her chin to look in her eyes.
“I’m embarrassed to say it wasn’t that exciting. Yes, you weren’t my first kiss, or touch, for that matter. I had a crush on a guy in high school. He was popular and on the football team. James was his name. I thought maybe he was interested too.
“We flirted and went out for pizza a couple of times. One night in his car, he kissed me. I thought I was in love, and the kiss meant a lot. But I was heartbroken. He never called again. He had all the girls he wanted, being the school heartthrob and all. I didn’t measure up, I guess.”
“And before him?”
Natalie laughed. “How far back do you want to go? There was this boy in the first grade…”
“I can only imagine.” Tanner gave her a boyish grin. “What about sex?”
“A fair question, considering what you’ve told me. I was home a lot, helping Emma. I did date some, but nobody made me feel anything like you do. I felt strong urges, and I wanted to do things. It was just that I thought it should mean something. I didn’t want to do it just to do it.
“In the right circumstances, I might have anyway. It wasn’t my goal to be a virgin into my twenties. It’s just how it happened. A couple of different guys took me out, and I’d feel sexual desire. We made out, touched each other. But when it would get to the point of actually doing something, I wouldn’t do it. It just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t in love with them.
“I was in the group that practiced sex with dominant/submissive roles. And it was easier there to find women that had a taste for my preferences. I never did anything a woman didn’t get pleasure from. Or so they told me.
“And Aimee…I guess we were matched, sexually, for a while. She liked it rough and played the submissive well. Though seeing her outside the bedroom you wouldn’t think so. She can be very aggressive.
“She liked submitting to me and I liked sex with her. I would be lying if I said otherwise.”
“Do you ever miss that?” Natalie waited, hoping she knew the answer.
Tanner pulled her into his arms and pressed her head under his jaw while he explained: “No, baby, I don’t miss that. I have that with you. And more.
“Actually, that is what split us up. I guess Aimee felt that if we had such intense sexual experiences that it would lead to love. And maybe it should have. But for me, it didn’t.
“She wanted me to commit to her, wanted more than I felt. So I ended it.”
“Just like that?”
“Pretty much. I didn’t see the point in continuing. It would only make it worse.”
“But Tanner, I don’t think she’s ever forgotten you. Maybe she won’t.”
“I don’t know about that. I know her personality. It’s possible she just doesn’t like being told no. But it doesn’t matter to us.
“I hope you don’t hold my past against me. I didn’t know you then. I’d never met you. Absolutely, I never expected to meet a woman like you, much less fall in love.
“Then I saw you at that concert. It seems so long ago, that concert in San Francisco, and in another way it seems like no time at all has passed. I think I knew the instant I saw you that you were my future. I couldn’t face it at the time, and more than anything, I certainly didn’t think I was the best choice for you.
“Yet I never forgot you. Seeing you, something changed. I changed. You got so mad later when you found out I’d kept an eye on you. I admit it wasn’t the best approach. But it was all I had. I couldn’t let you go. I could never let you go.”
Natalie was silent. After hearing Tanner bare his soul, she wondered if there was anything she should confess. He must have thought the same.
“What about you? Before you met me, you must have dated.” Tanner lifted her chin to look in her eyes.
“I’m embarrassed to say it wasn’t that exciting. Yes, you weren’t my first kiss, or touch, for that matter. I had a crush on a guy in high school. He was popular and on the football team. James was his name. I thought maybe he was interested too.
“We flirted and went out for pizza a couple of times. One night in his car, he kissed me. I thought I was in love, and the kiss meant a lot. But I was heartbroken. He never called again. He had all the girls he wanted, being the school heartthrob and all. I didn’t measure up, I guess.”
“And before him?”
Natalie laughed. “How far back do you want to go? There was this boy in the first grade…”
“I can only imagine.” Tanner gave her a boyish grin. “What about sex?”
“A fair question, considering what you’ve told me. I was home a lot, helping Emma. I did date some, but nobody made me feel anything like you do. I felt strong urges, and I wanted to do things. It was just that I thought it should mean something. I didn’t want to do it just to do it.
“In the right circumstances, I might have anyway. It wasn’t my goal to be a virgin into my twenties. It’s just how it happened. A couple of different guys took me out, and I’d feel sexual desire. We made out, touched each other. But when it would get to the point of actually doing something, I wouldn’t do it. It just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t in love with them.
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