When Mum Went Funny

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Authors: Jack Lasenby
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works out at sixpence each.”
    “I suppose it does.” Mum sounded uncertain.
    “‘You sold your children for sixpence?’” Kate’s voice sounded very deep. “That’s what the policeman’s going to say. ‘You sold your children for sixpence?’”
    “Sixpence each!” Mum said a bit weakly.
    “‘That’s still only two bob for the lot of them,’” Kate said in the big, gruff voice she could put on.
    “It doesn’t sound much,” Mum admitted.
    “It certainly does not. You wait till Constable Cuff hears about this. And Mr Jones, and Mr and Mrs Kemp.We’re going to tell everybody in the district you sold your children for sixpence. We’ll tell Mr Bryce, and he’s a J.P.”
    “What’s a J.P.?” Jimmy wanted to know.
    “Never mind now,” Kate said to him.
    “Sixpence each!” Mum repeated. She smiled. “It was just to make you laugh. I thought I’d put the notice on the gate so you could see it when you rode home, and you’d think it was funny. What’s the matter, can’t you take a joke?”
    “Not that sort of joke,” said Kate. She sounded very serious.
    “Come on, you’d all better have something to eat, then perhaps you’ll find your sense of humour.”
    “We’re too upset to eat anything,” Kate told Mum. “In any case, you’ve sold us, so we’d better get going and ask someone if we can sleep in their barn tonight.” Kate looked at us. “Or under their hedge.”
    “I’m not too upset to eat something,” said Jimmy, and Betty started grizzling.
    “I don’t want to sleep under a hedge,” she whined. “I’m hungry!”
    “Come on,” Kate said again. “Mrs Kemp will give us something to eat. She’ll be interested to hear that our mother sold us for only sixpence.”
    “Sixpence each!” Mum insisted.
    “Where are we going to sleep tonight?” whined Betty.
    “Mr Kemp’ll let us sleep in his shed.”
    “But their shed’s full of rats! Billy Kemp said.”
    “Let’s be sensible,” said Mum. “Have something to eat now, and we’ll have a little talk about how to fix things up.” She took the top off the blue tin and pushed it at Jimmy and Betty. They grabbed a biscuit each and started eating at once, not looking at Kate.
    Mum poured our glasses of milk. “Perhaps,” she said, “perhaps I could buy you back.” She looked at Kate, but Kate stared and didn’t take a biscuit. Nor did she take a glass of milk. So I didn’t take anything either. Mum tried smiling, but we didn’t smile. I looked at Kate, and she had a stern look on her face, so I tried to look stern, too.
    “I’ll tell you what,” Mum said. “I’ll buy you back! I’ll give you what you paid me for you, and I’ll give you each threepence on top, so that means I’ll pay ninepence.”
    “Ninepence!” Kate scowled. “We’re worth a lot more than ninepence.”
    “That’s ninepence each!”
    “Ninepence isn’t enough for us. Ninepence will only buy you about three sausages, or one and a half loaves of bread.”
    “What about a shilling? And that’s final. It’s all the money I’ve got. I can’t afford to go buying children for exorbitant prices.”
    “What’s exorbitant?” Jimmy asked.
    “When I think of all the work we do,” said Kate, “we’re worth at least half a crown each. Who’s going to milk Rosie tonight? Who’s going to shift the steers?And who’s going to go round the lambs? Who’s going to feed Blue, and the chooks, and collect the eggs, and bring in the tea-tree and coal for the stove?”
    Mum took her little purse off the mantelpiece and looked in it. “There’s the two bob you paid for you,” she said. “That’s sixpence each. And there’s another shilling. That’s ninepence. And there’s a florin. That’s one and threepence. And there’s two threepences and another sixpence. That’s one and sixpence each. Three times what you paid for you. That’s all I’ve got.”
    “There’s something else in there. Let me see!”
    “There is

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