else, you started the conversation.
“Good crowd here, isn’t there?”
“Wait’ll you see it at ten o’clock.”
“Get packed, does it?”
“Yeah.”
Smile and walk on. He’s not interested in you. Anyway, imagine walking down the street with him. Spare me. Where to now? Around the corner. Stop smiling, you don’t want to attract undue attention. There’s a ledge. Put the pint down and light up. Dying for a smoke. What now? Oh fuck, why didn’t you just stay in Hollies? This is awful. Can’t even smoke, hands shaking so much. Armpits are a mess as well. River of sweat. Oh no, need to take a leak. No way, not here. Oh Jesus, make a deal. Promise you’ll start going to Mass again if you can just disappear. You’ll even help with the collections.
“Haven’t seen you here before.”
Fuck, he’s talking to you.
“Jack’s the name.”
Just smile and shake his hand.
“So, don’t you have a name?”
“What? Oh yeah, I do, it’s…eh, Gary.”
Nice one, Neil, nice one.
“It’s all right, Gary, relax. I’m not going to bite your head off.”
Return his friendly smile. This is a laugh, he’s the same age as the old fellow and he’s chatting you up. Now you know how Jackie felt that night in Leeson Street.
“First night here, is it?”
“Yeah.”
Shit, what d’you admit that for? Dickhead.
“I could tell…Suppose you have to start sometime.”
“Suppose.”
“You can blame it on the full moon.”
Just smile at him. Always humor a weirdo, that’s what they told you at school.
“What’s that?”
What the fuck’s he pointing at?
“Your drink?”
“Oh, eh, a Budweiser.”
“Smithwicks and a Bud when you’re ready there, Gary.”
Hope he doesn’t expect one in return. What’s he doing now, tapping my shoulder?
“Forgot to ask you, will you have a pint?”
Just grin and let him think he’s hilarious.
“So what part of Dublin d’you come from?”
“Eh…out toward Bray.”
“Thought so, you can tell by your accent.”
Oh, can you now, Mister Accent Expert? Suppose you’re waiting for me to ask you where you come from? Well, you can wait, pal.
“I’m from Clontarf myself.”
Oh, are you now? How interesting. Jesus, what am I doing here? Mum, I want you now. I want to be ten years old again, sitting at home watching television with you and Dad.
“Relax, Gary, it’s not as bad as it seems.”
Easy for you to say, you probably live in the fucking place. Oh Jesus, I’ve never felt so weird. Let me die now, it’ll be better for all concerned. Think of the coroner’s report. He died in a gay bar. Can you just imagine them all whispering at your funeral. Gary’s mum, Mrs. Meehan, Mrs. Burke, every tongue in the neighborhood, waiting outside the church. “Did you hear where it happened?” “Oooh, I did, isn’t it awful.” “Desperate.” Heads wagging in feigned concern. “His poor mother, she’ll never recover.” “He was always a bit strange though. Hmm, there was something peculiar about him, you know, you could tell … ” Another flurry of concerned nods. “I always had my doubts … And he was with an older man, I believe. Old as his poor father, I heard. Terrible, isn’t it? Desperate. What’s the world coming to!” Sighs all around. “Ssssh, here’s the family. Adjust the faces. Forlorn looks now. Sorry for your trouble, Catherine. He was a lovely fellow, your Neil, one of the best. An absolute credit to you. It’s God’s way, Catherine.”
“It’s not God’s way,” you’d shout from the coffin, and all the neighborhood tongues would stiffen with fright. “It’s not God’s way that anyone should feel the way I do!”
“I never told my parents myself, but you youngsters these days are a different lot.”
What’s he talking about now? Just smile and pretend you’re listening to him.
“Things were different then, but attitudes have changed since, thank God.”
“Yeah, they have.” Neil nodded vacantly.
A new video
“Good crowd here, isn’t there?”
“Wait’ll you see it at ten o’clock.”
“Get packed, does it?”
“Yeah.”
Smile and walk on. He’s not interested in you. Anyway, imagine walking down the street with him. Spare me. Where to now? Around the corner. Stop smiling, you don’t want to attract undue attention. There’s a ledge. Put the pint down and light up. Dying for a smoke. What now? Oh fuck, why didn’t you just stay in Hollies? This is awful. Can’t even smoke, hands shaking so much. Armpits are a mess as well. River of sweat. Oh no, need to take a leak. No way, not here. Oh Jesus, make a deal. Promise you’ll start going to Mass again if you can just disappear. You’ll even help with the collections.
“Haven’t seen you here before.”
Fuck, he’s talking to you.
“Jack’s the name.”
Just smile and shake his hand.
“So, don’t you have a name?”
“What? Oh yeah, I do, it’s…eh, Gary.”
Nice one, Neil, nice one.
“It’s all right, Gary, relax. I’m not going to bite your head off.”
Return his friendly smile. This is a laugh, he’s the same age as the old fellow and he’s chatting you up. Now you know how Jackie felt that night in Leeson Street.
“First night here, is it?”
“Yeah.”
Shit, what d’you admit that for? Dickhead.
“I could tell…Suppose you have to start sometime.”
“Suppose.”
“You can blame it on the full moon.”
Just smile at him. Always humor a weirdo, that’s what they told you at school.
“What’s that?”
What the fuck’s he pointing at?
“Your drink?”
“Oh, eh, a Budweiser.”
“Smithwicks and a Bud when you’re ready there, Gary.”
Hope he doesn’t expect one in return. What’s he doing now, tapping my shoulder?
“Forgot to ask you, will you have a pint?”
Just grin and let him think he’s hilarious.
“So what part of Dublin d’you come from?”
“Eh…out toward Bray.”
“Thought so, you can tell by your accent.”
Oh, can you now, Mister Accent Expert? Suppose you’re waiting for me to ask you where you come from? Well, you can wait, pal.
“I’m from Clontarf myself.”
Oh, are you now? How interesting. Jesus, what am I doing here? Mum, I want you now. I want to be ten years old again, sitting at home watching television with you and Dad.
“Relax, Gary, it’s not as bad as it seems.”
Easy for you to say, you probably live in the fucking place. Oh Jesus, I’ve never felt so weird. Let me die now, it’ll be better for all concerned. Think of the coroner’s report. He died in a gay bar. Can you just imagine them all whispering at your funeral. Gary’s mum, Mrs. Meehan, Mrs. Burke, every tongue in the neighborhood, waiting outside the church. “Did you hear where it happened?” “Oooh, I did, isn’t it awful.” “Desperate.” Heads wagging in feigned concern. “His poor mother, she’ll never recover.” “He was always a bit strange though. Hmm, there was something peculiar about him, you know, you could tell … ” Another flurry of concerned nods. “I always had my doubts … And he was with an older man, I believe. Old as his poor father, I heard. Terrible, isn’t it? Desperate. What’s the world coming to!” Sighs all around. “Ssssh, here’s the family. Adjust the faces. Forlorn looks now. Sorry for your trouble, Catherine. He was a lovely fellow, your Neil, one of the best. An absolute credit to you. It’s God’s way, Catherine.”
“It’s not God’s way,” you’d shout from the coffin, and all the neighborhood tongues would stiffen with fright. “It’s not God’s way that anyone should feel the way I do!”
“I never told my parents myself, but you youngsters these days are a different lot.”
What’s he talking about now? Just smile and pretend you’re listening to him.
“Things were different then, but attitudes have changed since, thank God.”
“Yeah, they have.” Neil nodded vacantly.
A new video
Similar Books
