Read Online When It All Falls Apart (Book One) by Lucinda Berry - Free Book Online
Authors: Lucinda Berry
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taken over our lives. Let’s just relax and give it some time. Can we be normal for a while again?”
“But I’m not getting any younger. I don’t have much time.”
I was 37 and being childless at 37 was never part of my plan. We’d gotten married in our late twenties and decided we’d wait three years before we started creating our family so we could solidify our own relationship with each other and simply enjoy being married. We’d have a baby when I was 30 and although, David had wanted four children, I’d comprised on having three. We’d have them each spaced evenly two years apart and be done having children by the time I was 36. Instead, we hadn’t even had our first one.
David pulled me close to him. “Look, it’s not like I’m saying that I’m done forever. But honestly, hon, I really need a break.” His eyes were kind and soft. “I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster of it. I need to get off of it for a while. I’m not saying I won’t get back on it again, but I need a break.”
“How long?”
“A year.”
“A year?” I pulled away from him. “David, I can’t wait a year!”
He sighed. “How about six months?”
I still wasn’t convinced.
“We’ll just take a six month vacation from trying to get pregnant. I’ll be ready by then and even though you don’t agree, I think it’d be really good for you too.”
“So, we aren’t going to try at all?”
“I don’t mean we won’t have sex. Of course we’ll have sex.” He grinned at me. “It’s not like I’ll start using protection or you’ll go on the pill or anything like that. We’ll just have sex like normal people. We’ll have it when we want to have it because we’re horny and not because we’re trying to make a baby. If we happen to make a baby, that’s great. If not, no worries.”
I’d agreed to the six month time off period. I still followed my cycle partly out of habit because I’d been doing it for so long, but also because I hadn’t given up on making it happen. I tried to have sex around the time I was ovulating, but it was tough because David’s sex drive took a nose dive. We had taken all of the fun and spontaneity out of sex when it became focused on getting pregnant. It was a common thing that happened with couples in our situation, but I never expected it to happen to us. Our sex life had been great even after having been together for over ten years. We still had sex multiple times a week and both enjoyed it. But during our pregnancy vacation, it was like David unconsciously took a sex vacation as well.
It was more than that, though. David was as familiar with my cycles as I was and it wasn’t lost on him that I suddenly wanted to have sex at the same time every month even though he never brought it up. He quit touching me or responding to any of my advances. I missed the way he touched me. The way he would make love to me slowly, savoring each part of my body as if it was the first time he’d experienced it. Much like everything else he did, he was a completely unselfish lover as well. He always took care of my own needs before taking care of his.
Our six month vacation kept extending and before long we were one of those couples who went months without having sex. It grew strange and awkward when we were close together and he even quit cuddling next to me while we slept. I craved his attention and his touch. It was why when Phil looked at me during the office party as our hands glazed each other at the refreshment table that rather than look away like I would’ve done in the past, I returned his stare. I never should have returned the stare. If I’d only looked away. Any other time I would have looked away but not That Night.
Chapter Six
O ur hospital room was small and the nurses needed easy access to Rori all night so only one cot was allowed in the room. David offered me the cot and he pulled the two chairs together so he could rest his head on one and his feet on the other.
“But I’m not getting any younger. I don’t have much time.”
I was 37 and being childless at 37 was never part of my plan. We’d gotten married in our late twenties and decided we’d wait three years before we started creating our family so we could solidify our own relationship with each other and simply enjoy being married. We’d have a baby when I was 30 and although, David had wanted four children, I’d comprised on having three. We’d have them each spaced evenly two years apart and be done having children by the time I was 36. Instead, we hadn’t even had our first one.
David pulled me close to him. “Look, it’s not like I’m saying that I’m done forever. But honestly, hon, I really need a break.” His eyes were kind and soft. “I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster of it. I need to get off of it for a while. I’m not saying I won’t get back on it again, but I need a break.”
“How long?”
“A year.”
“A year?” I pulled away from him. “David, I can’t wait a year!”
He sighed. “How about six months?”
I still wasn’t convinced.
“We’ll just take a six month vacation from trying to get pregnant. I’ll be ready by then and even though you don’t agree, I think it’d be really good for you too.”
“So, we aren’t going to try at all?”
“I don’t mean we won’t have sex. Of course we’ll have sex.” He grinned at me. “It’s not like I’ll start using protection or you’ll go on the pill or anything like that. We’ll just have sex like normal people. We’ll have it when we want to have it because we’re horny and not because we’re trying to make a baby. If we happen to make a baby, that’s great. If not, no worries.”
I’d agreed to the six month time off period. I still followed my cycle partly out of habit because I’d been doing it for so long, but also because I hadn’t given up on making it happen. I tried to have sex around the time I was ovulating, but it was tough because David’s sex drive took a nose dive. We had taken all of the fun and spontaneity out of sex when it became focused on getting pregnant. It was a common thing that happened with couples in our situation, but I never expected it to happen to us. Our sex life had been great even after having been together for over ten years. We still had sex multiple times a week and both enjoyed it. But during our pregnancy vacation, it was like David unconsciously took a sex vacation as well.
It was more than that, though. David was as familiar with my cycles as I was and it wasn’t lost on him that I suddenly wanted to have sex at the same time every month even though he never brought it up. He quit touching me or responding to any of my advances. I missed the way he touched me. The way he would make love to me slowly, savoring each part of my body as if it was the first time he’d experienced it. Much like everything else he did, he was a completely unselfish lover as well. He always took care of my own needs before taking care of his.
Our six month vacation kept extending and before long we were one of those couples who went months without having sex. It grew strange and awkward when we were close together and he even quit cuddling next to me while we slept. I craved his attention and his touch. It was why when Phil looked at me during the office party as our hands glazed each other at the refreshment table that rather than look away like I would’ve done in the past, I returned his stare. I never should have returned the stare. If I’d only looked away. Any other time I would have looked away but not That Night.
Chapter Six
O ur hospital room was small and the nurses needed easy access to Rori all night so only one cot was allowed in the room. David offered me the cot and he pulled the two chairs together so he could rest his head on one and his feet on the other.
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