Read Online When Gods Fail by Nelson Lowhim - Free Book Online Page B

was no one. I walked back to their bodies.
All I could hear was my heart beating. All I could taste was blood
in my mouth. I tongued my gums. Blood flowed. It tasted metallic.
Good.
    One by one I searched them for anything
worth keeping, rolled them on to a sled, dragged them to the edge
of the hill, and tipped them over. I hid the sleds above the cave,
partially covering them with ash and rocks.
    I picked up a few containers and tied them
to my backpack before walking back to the shack. My heart had
slowed down and I felt elated, like an invincible ghost. This holy
feeling worried me.
    *
    Jenny sat in the same place as when I'd
left. I saw her and an anger grew inside me. I didn't care about
the previous night. I wanted to see some appreciation for the other
things I had done for her.
    Don't be too firm.
    I walked up to her and placed my hand on her
shoulder. The same dress, it even had my smell on it. It was
probably better not to tell her what had happened.
    The look on Bill's face flashed across my
mind again. I felt weak. I felt more human.
    "Change," I said to her, shaking her softly
with my hand.
    Her stolid look shook me out of my spell,
and I lumbered outside to take a piss. When I came back inside she
hadn't moved. "Is there a toilet here? You said you rarely went
out."
    She pointed at some small bags. I looked
them over. "Well no more wasting bags. From now on you go outside
and do your business, got it?"
    Her look was sharp. Empathy rose inside me.
I walked over to her. She needed some kind of focus, then she would
be able to get over this. "Listen. I don't know what your problem
is, but I'm not your enemy."
    Another sneer.
    I looked around the shack again. It needed
cleaning. Rearranging. "I ran into Bill and Paul."
    No reaction from her.
    "I think they ran into Big Lee and your
father. I finished them off, but I couldn't find your family." I
clasped my hand around her shoulder. She nodded slowly. I leaned in
to hug her. She stayed stiff. "Sorry," I whispered in her ear.
    I pulled back.
    "I said change, didn't I?" I said in the
softest voice I could manage.
    She got up and pulled out another dress. It
was white with flowers, though still dirty. She stared at me
blankly for a few seconds before I got the message. I walked away
and started to arrange the cans in an orderly manner. After a
minute I turned to take her in. The dress fell casually on her
breasts, her hips. It grabbed all the air from my lungs. Everything
in me wanted to take her one more time. It wouldn't matter would
it? As far as I was concerned it didn't. No one else in the world
but the two of us. Be nicer, I thought.
    I counted the ammunition remaining. I would
need more. I decided that tomorrow I would head out to Bill and
Paul's place to fish for some ammunition. I perked up trying to
remember if there was anyone else with them. They hadn't mentioned
any, had they?
    I paused my planning to take Jenny's curves
in; it filled me with raw energy. She was beautiful, and she was
mine. New world, I reminded myself. There was nothing that mattered
but survival. And in the most basic sense we were the last hope for
the human race. Pure and simple. She would come to understand that
with age. Her eyes moved around the shack and rested on the place
we slept the previous night.
    The light peeking through the shack was
turning sepia. Another gorgeous sunset. I wanted to enjoy it with
her.
    "Listen," I said and strode over to her. She
sat on the chair with that grim look on her face. I remembered that
she was probably a teenager and still liable to fall into moods.
Sooner or later she would come around. I rested on my haunches, my
face next to her knees. "Are you thinking about your family?"
    She nodded her head, some tears poured down
her cheek. I almost smiled. It wasn't something wrong with me. She
obviously was going through a tumultuous time. I took her hands in
mine and leaned forward to hug her as she shook.
    "I'm sorry. But I got the men who