Lou, thinks it's great, so how else should
I feel?”
Brian leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head. “Let's forget about how you
should
feel for the moment, and think about how you
really
feel. And don't say ‘great’ again, okay? Don't try to con Uncle Brian, we know each other too well.”
Seth felt his face go red and was angry for just a second, but then laughed. “Okay, Uncle Brian, I guess you're too sharp
for me.”
“That's why
I'm
the doctor and
you're
the patient. I agree that this ought to make you feel very good; it's a big step up in a sport that is very important to
you. The question is: How come you don't actually feel that way?”
“Well…” Seth closed his eyes and said nothing for a minute. Then he looked at Brian. “What if I'm not ready? What if I'm not
good enough to cut it? These guys are older, they're better. What if they say, ‘Come back next year,’ or even, ‘Don't come
back at all?’
Brian nodded slowly. “It could happen, I suppose. Danny and Wes might be wrong about you. Theseguys think you have what it takes, but maybe they're both off the mark. What would happen then?”
“I don't know!” Seth took a breath. “It'd be bad. I'd feel like a … like a total loser.
“Another thing, Wes and Danny and Con really helped me and encouraged me and made sure I did the right things and believed
in myself. They won't be around now Con is going to college, like Danny. Without them, I don't know. I might turn out to be
a …”
“A loser?” Brian asked, softly.
Seth just stared at him.
“Let's think back a couple of years,” suggested Brian. “Think about when you first started seeing me. Remember how you were
then, the way you thought and felt?”
“Yeah. I was angry a lot of the time… .”
“
All
the time …, ” Brian corrected.
Seth smiled. “I felt sorry for myself and didn't want to have anything to do with anyone. I thought my life was over.”
“That's a good summary.” Brian leaned toward Seth. “When you think about yourself then and now, how far you've come, the progress
you've madephysically, mentally, emotionally, can you really see yourself as a
loser
? Could a
loser
have done all that?”
Seth smiled. “Well, no, but —”
Brian held up a hand like a policeman stopping traffic. “No but!
No … but!
You are not a loser. You are a
winner
and a
doer
.
“You've found out a lot about yourself during the last couple of years, things you might not have learned so soon if you hadn't
had that accident. But you still don't know how strong you are. I think you'll be surprised to discover that there's more
to you than you know of yet.
“More strength, and I don't just mean muscles, either. Here's what I know: You'll go there tomorrow and you'll give it your
best shot. Here's what I believe: You'll do just fine. And you'll put some of your doubts to rest.”
Seth thought about it. Then he said, “Will you come to any games?”
Brian nodded. “I'll be there.”
13
H ow does that new chair feel?” asked Mrs. Pender, who was dropping Seth off at the school where the Wizards were practicing.
“Unbelievable!” said Seth, moving it around, testing its maneuverability. “It's so
light!
” The Penders had gotten Seth the chair with the aid of a foundation that helped pay for expensive chairs for wheelchair athletes.
The frame was made of a superlight alloy that was also used on the finest racing bicycles. Seth
felt
like a better player in it.
“Seth!” Pete Gould came toward him from the door of the school. “How's —”
Seeing the new chair, he stopped short, and his eyes widened. “
Wow
,” he whispered. “That is an
awesome
set of wheels!”
Seth smiled. “We got it last night. There's this organizationthat gave us part of what it cost. I'll tell you how to find them.”
Pete stared at the chair. “That'd be great.” Finally he tore his eyes away and looked at Seth. “You ready for
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