We Joined The Navy

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Authors: John Winton
Tags: Comedy, Naval
closed feed system. Condenseritis, it’s called. Keeps Senior Engineers awake at night. . . .’
    The Beattys were as closely supervised out of their working hours as they were in the class-room. Each cadet had to take part in one of the College activities in the evenings. The cadets noted their activities in a log which The Bodger inspected once a week. Any cadet who had spent more than one day in the week skulking, by which The Bodger meant not playing cricket or sailing, was summoned to The Bodger’s office.
    Spink was the most frequent skulker.
    ‘Look here, Spink,’ said The Bodger. ‘On Monday last you went shooting and a week ago on Thursday you went on the river. That’s fair enough. I’m not complaining about that. But every other day for the last fortnight you’ve been bird-watching, butterfly-catching, or fossil-hunting. What’s all this about?’
    ‘There are some very interesting specimens in this part of the country, sir,’ said Spink.
    ‘Spink, my dear old chap . When I was at Dartmouth I was the best bird-watcher in my term. There wasn’t a bird for miles around I hadn’t watched. And as for butterfly-catching, no butterfly from here to Totnes was safe until I passed out of Dartmouth. I must admit I never thought of fossil-hunting, but what I’m getting at is this . . . there’s nothing anybody can teach me about bird-watching, butterfly-catching, fossil-hunting or any other kind of watching, catching or hunting. You people seem to think that I and all the staff came out of the egg the day before yesterday. Now listen, Spink. I’m not interested in your private hobbies. That’s not what you’re here for. You can do that during your leave. While you’re here you will join in the College activities as laid down by the College. Is that understood?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘And you can tell Dewberry and the other nature boys what I’ve told you. Right?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Carry on, Spink.’
    Spink was in the minority. Most of the Beattys needed no urging to take part in the sports provided by the College. It was, perhaps, the only part of their training on which they and the College were completely in agreement. Most of them had played games at school and now played them at Dartmouth, if not with an excess of zeal at least out of a hope that some astonishing feat of athletics would lift them for a short time from the general ruck of the term. The Bodger was not so impressed by these feats as the Beattys imagined, but he recognised the part games could play in transforming the Beattys from a crowd of schoolboys of different schools into a composite term of cadets with a feeling of comradeship in their term and, eventually, in the Navy.
    Almost half the Beattys went regularly on the river and half normally played cricket. Tom Bowles was attracted to the river as soon as he came to Dartmouth. He had seldom sailed a boat before, but within a month on the River Dart he had learnt more about sailing small boats than most naval officers learn in a lifetime. Tom Bowles was able to sense the smallest quirk of wind and current and quickly became the best coxswain in the term except for David Bowie, a New Zealander, who had started with advantages, having been able to swim before he could walk and having spent a large part of his childhood sailing in Auckland harbour.
    Michael Hobbes and Paul Vincent played cricket, Paul for the reason he had given the Interview Board, that it was his only sport, and Michael because it was summer. Michael had played cricket in the summer at school and it would have seemed peculiar to him not to do so now that he was at Dartmouth.
    Maconochie also played cricket. He could not bat, neither could he bowl, but he could field. After some practice and the confidence of a few catches, Maconochie developed into a quite remarkable fielder close to the bat.
    Cleghorn and Stacforth played tennis and Dewberry, the College orchestra having no french horn, learnt to play the

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