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bra…
    S.H.A.R.I.

Chapter 13
    DAY 3—MORNING
    My phone rang at 7:00 a.m., shocking me out of a dream where I was some young actress who acted all crazy in public, and my breakdown was caught on tape by TMZ. It didn’t feel so far off, except maybe the actress, the public, and the TMZ part.
    It was Jason’s number. When I didn’t answer, he texted.
    You don’t get to be mad at me you’re the one who kept saying it was over.
    The phone rang again. As I went to turn it off, I saw it wasn’t Jason this time. It was my mom calling. I could really use my mom. Or at least the
idea
of what a mom should be. “Mommy?” I started crying as I answered. Sometimes just saying “Mommy” makes you feel five again.
    â€œHi, sweetie. You’re not going to believe what happened.”
    Then in true Narcie fashion, she proceeded to launch into a tirade, going so fast and high-pitched, it sounded like she was sucking on a helium balloon. I managed to make out the important points:
“Your brother Cooper was arrested.”
“For selling pot.”
“I have no money to post bail.”
“He’ll have to spend the night in juvy.”
“Teach him a lesson.”
“He’s ruining my life.”
    WHAT?! Cooper selling pot? Fuck. If I had found a way to get him that $500.00 for whatever he needed it for, this wouldn’t have happened. It was all my fault. I should find a way to go back to NY—even if I was totally broke. Even if I risked being fired. Even if it meant not finishing the hunt and potentially finding my future husband and breaking the Newman Curse.
    But I suddenly felt like the Half-Ton Teen on the Discovery Channel. So overwhelmingly heavy that I couldn’t lift one limb.
    â€œWhy would he do this to me?” my mother asked.
    Like this was about her? Oh, Narcie, really?!?!
    â€œI know I shouldn’t dump this in your lap.”
    Uh… you mean like you have with everything else since I was seven?
    â€œâ€¦I just don’t know what to do…”
    â€œHow about calling Aunt Pam?”
Since she lives only a block away from you, OH, and she’s AN ADULT WITH MONEY.
    â€œGood idea.”
    â€œLet me know when Cooper’s back home so I can talk to him.”
    â€œWill do.” And she hung up.
    Fuck. I know my brother’s a pothead. In fact, he wanted to move to California with me because medical marijuana is legal—but I assured him they wouldn’t consider an old broken ankle injury from when he was nine and collided his skateboard into a hot dog cart as a valid medical excuse. But
selling
pot? What could he possibly need the money for?
    I felt so lost and laden, I didn’t know what to do except call my NY bestie (and ex), Liza. She always has something positive to say, some way of looking at the world that always makes me feel better. Her phone rang and rang, no answer. So I texted.
    All hell has broken loose. CB ASAP!!!!
    After I pressed SEND, I realized I was being selfish. So I texted again.
    You ok? Kelly? Miss you so much!!!
    I had been so caught up in the bullshit of work, the excitement of the hunt, and the drama of Jason, I hadn’t even told Liza all that was going on, or heard anything about her life in way too long.
    I willed my half-ton limbs to move, put on Toupee and Boo’s leashes, and without bothering to change clothes, I hit the streets in just a long T-shirt and flip-flops, accompanied by my dried mascara-streaked face. I didn’t care.
    S.H.A.R.I.’s door was closed and I didn’t know if that meant she had come home yet or not. It was just as well. It was too early for me to go ballistic. I needed at least two cups of coffee for that. I turned onto Sunset.
    OH. MY. EFFING. G!!!!! What do I fucking see? LADY MACMETH. MAKING OUT! WITH AN EQUALLY TOOTHLESS DUDE!!!!!! Feeding each other the remains of a sandwich, excavated from the nearby dumpster, no doubt, and