Read Online Wanting What She Can't Have by Yvonne Lindsay - Free Book Online Page A

the others were equally keen.”
    “You had no right to do that,” Raoul said, a sharp edge to his voice that all but sliced through the air between them.
    “Look, I know you’re still struggling to get back to normal—”
    “Normal? Normal died along with Bree. I don’t think you quite understand just what that has meant to me.”
    His voice was quiet, yet filled with emotion and anger. Sensing the change in mood in the room, Ruby crawled onto Alexis’s lap, turned her face into her chest and uttered a whine of protest.
    “Which is exactly why we should honor her memory and have a get-together in remembrance of her. Catherine needs it, your friends need it. I truly believe you need it, too, and you’d agree with me if you could just let yourself believe that you don’t have to face all your grief alone.”
    His hazel eyes narrowed as he stared down at her. The air between them thickened, filled with his unspoken words and met by her equally silent but no less adamant challenge.
    “Fine,” he uttered through clenched teeth. “But don’t expect me to be involved.”
    “Just be there, it’s all I ask.”
    “Sometimes, Alexis Fabrini, you ask too damn much.”
    He left the room, taking her heart with him. It was hard to feel a sense of victory when she knew how much this was hurting him.
    “Dad-dad?” Ruby said, lifting her face away from Alexis and looking around the room.
    “He’s gone off again, poppet. But he’ll be back. Bit by bit, he’ll be back.”
    At least she sure hoped so.
    * * *
    Raoul looked around the gathering in his house. This was exactly the kind of thing Bree would have loved to have organized for her birthday. All their closest friends, her mother, some of his cousins who lived locally, Alexis...people he knew and should feel comfortable with. And yet, he felt like an outsider. A stranger in his own house. Sure, he went through the motions—made sure everyone had a drink, asked some opinions on his latest blend—but he felt as if he didn’t belong. As if he was a mere onlooker, not a participant.
    Conversations swirled around him, things he would normally have been a part of but as he overheard snippets from here and there he became increasingly aware of how life had continued for all of them. It seemed wrong to resent them for it, but he did—fiercely. The uninterrupted way their lives had moved on after Bree only made his empty world so much more hollow—the void in his heart echo that much more.
    He looked to Catherine to see how she was coping. This had to be hard for her, too, but she appeared to be taking it all in her stride—not afraid to shed a tear or two over a shared memory or a hearty laugh at some reminiscence, and eager to hear everyone’s news after her monthlong absence from the playgroup. She looked up and caught his gaze and he could see the concern reflected in her eyes—eyes that were very like Ruby’s and reminded him so much of Bree.
    And there it was again—the pain, the loss, the anger at having all that perfection torn away from him. Having choice removed from his hands. Losing Bree from his life, forever. Catherine pushed herself to her feet and, adeptly using one crutch, crossed the short distance between them. She laid one hand on his shoulder.
    “She’d have loved this, wouldn’t she? Alexis has done a great job.”
    “Everyone contributed,” he said abruptly.
    “But Alexis brought us all together. We needed that. It’s been long overdue. I know I’m always going to miss her, it would be impossible not to, but I feel better today, y’know?”
    He nodded because it seemed to be the response she expected, but inside he was screaming. No, he didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. This was all too hard. He couldn’t find it in him to allow himself to enjoy the company of everyone here today. He needed space, silence, solitude. The moment Catherine’s attention was taken by one of the guests he slipped out the room and toward