Read Online Waiting by Carol Lynch Williams - Free Book Online Page B

even though I said I had to brush my teeth (his mom has a year’s supply of toothbrushes in the bathroom closet), even though I said his mom wouldn’t like it, even though I thought of Jesse’s fingers burning on my face.
 
     
His mouth is minty, Colgate minty. His breath hot. My hands are in his hair, on his neck. When I pull back from Taylor to take in air, I see the lights have come back on.
“London,” he says. His eyes are closed.
     
Mrs. Curtis’s opening the front door then. I hear the key in the lock. Hear the door open.
 
     
I put my hands on Taylor’s face, one on each side.
He opens his eyes. He takes my wrists in a gentle grasp.
 
I press my lips to his again. A good-bye kiss that feels like fire. Stand. Dizzy. He runs his hand up my leg, just under the bottom of those too-long shorts. When was the last time I shaved? I worry about it a second, then decide I don’t even care.
 
     
“Oh, London,” Mrs. Curtis says, surprise in her voice. She looks right away worried.
     
“I’m going home now,” I say, though I don’t want to.
Nothing waits for me at my house.
I feel dead there.
     
“Where are your clothes, honey?”
“She got caught in the storm, Mom.” Taylor stands up behind me, slips his arms around my waist, rests his chin on my shoulder. He’s never done anything like this in front of his mom before, even though we dated for months. “They’re in the dryer.”
     
Mrs. Curtis gives a little nod.
     
I want her to touch me so much, I miss a mom so much,
I miss my mom so much, that I break loose of Taylor’s hug and walk to her. I kiss her face and her cheek cools my lips.
     
“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you.”

 
Do the dead feel pain? Do they? Is Zach still hurting?
Still fighting?
     
Is he as sorry as I am?
Burning in hell?
Is there purgatory?
Is there a prison for him on the other side?
Does he stand in a room full of devils?
     
I won’t believe it.
Not for one awful mistake.
Not when he was loved so much.
Not when he loved so much.
I refuse to believe any of that.

 
Taylor takes me home, the whole way holding my hand.
The rain has stopped. Has darkened our world.
“I’ll get you for school on Monday, okay?” He says this without looking at me, just staring at the road ahead.
Our headlights cut through the steamy darkness. Trees crowd us from the sides.
 
Jesse and Lili go through my mind. “I have a ride home though,” I say. “But I’d like it if you got me in the mornings.”
 
     
My mind says—or is it Zach whispering in my brain from the dead?— Start your day with one. End it with the other.
Tsk, tsk, London.
     
Taylor looks at me. Did he hear Zach? Did he?
Shhh, I think. I would like it if he picked me up—if I saw him first thing.
 
     
“Okay,” he says.
 
We’re quiet all the way to my house. There’s no moon.
 
     
And then we see someone.
Ahead on the road.
     
Someone—I can see them now, though we’ve slowed way down—someone in my brother’s hoodie, his number thirty on the back. New Smyrna High Barracudas. The colors red and black.
 
     
I choke.
“Zach?” I say. Though I know this can’t be. Something is wrong. Not just that my brother is dead. Something else.
“Zach?” My voice is a whisper.
“London, no,” Taylor says. “That person is too small to be Zach.” But his voice sounds weird. He’s not sure either.
 
At once I want to jump out of the moving vehicle, run to the person ahead of us. I also want to get away, drive in the opposite direction. A scream rises in my throat, and I stop it with my hand. Just hold my neck. Hold it till we pass.
 
     
She looks me right in the eye as we go by her.
My mother.

 
“Don’t stop,” I say as Taylor slows the car. “Don’t.”
“But . . .”
     
“Please.” My heart jumps in my chest. I squeeze Taylor’s hand in both of mine. “She’s out walking.” The lie is there for the taking. “She does it a lot.”
 
     
To tell the truth, I don’t know what my