Read Online Various Pets Alive and Dead by Marina Lewycka - Free Book Online

synthetic Collateralised Debt Obligations (CDOs), where the big money is made, but no way is he going to put his own hard-earned cash into this mishmash of dodgy mortgages, retail credit and unsecured car loans, hedged up with a bit of high-end borrowing, all rolled up like an apple strudel, chopped into slices and wrapped and sold and sold again, until everyone has lost track of what was in the original mixture. They call it securitisation; what a joke. It’s hard to imagine anything less secure. He knows – everybody knows – it can only be a matter of time before it goes crashing down again.
    At least with old-fashioned stocks and shares you know what you’re getting; you can be reasonably sure what’s in the package you buy. The easy money nowadays is made by trading big volumes on small variations in price, but you need the capital to start with, and he isn’t in that league. To get where he wants quickly, he’ll have to take risks.
    He scrolls the Companies House register for details of South Yorkshire firms, where his local knowledge and contacts could give him an edge and minimise the risk. Here’s one, based in Askern. Syrec: South Yorkshire Recycling. The name rings a bell. Wasn’t Clara going on about some big regional development grant? Askern Villa, the team he’s followed since childhood, has been slipping calamitously down the league; but the Syrec story is more upside. Syrec isn’t listed on the Stock Exchange, but the parent company, South Yorkshire Consolidated, is listed on the Alternative Investment Market. SYC is a portfolio company with interests in waste reclamation, finance, building development, sheltered housing, residential homes and retail parks. Ten minutes’ research reveals they have a good folder of northern local-authority contracts, but this new development grant doesn’t seem to have made it into the national media, for there’s been no immediate price spike. That’s the advantage of local knowledge. The major shareholder of SYC is another company, called DASYS Ltd, which is registered in Luxembourg. Why Luxembourg? Not easy to trace the ownership there; but the company’s prospects look good.
    Edenthorpe Engineering, listed on the Small Cap market, is another familiar name: a traditional Yorkshire family firm, which has been making machine tools since 1957, and a big employer in the Doncaster area. He once had a work experience placement in their offices, not far from Clara’s school, and he has certain affectionate memories of that summer, and of a receptionist called Tiffany, who had the most amazing tits. But Edenthorpe’s last return looks shaky and, as the bankers’ mantra goes, there’s no room for sentiment in the markets.
    Endon (Enterprise Doncaster – ha ha) and Wymad (West Yorkshire Media Advertising – slightly out of his area, but what a stupid name – they’re bound to crash) also attract his attention and, looking at the figures, he can discern the same incipient pattern of a market on the turn from bull to bear. This could be his moment.
    People like Doro think that making wealth is just a matter of buying shares and waiting for the value to go up, powered by the noble sweat of workers’ brows. They don’t realise that banks can make money when the market falls, by borrowing and selling shares they don’t actually own, then buying them back when their price has dropped. The problem is when the price rises instead, and you have to buy them back at a loss.
    Doro nearly had a hissy fit when he mentioned this once. ‘It’s utterly immoral to make a lottery of people’s livelihoods!’ she shrieked, rather missing the point.
    It’s not going to be easy getting her to accept his new career, but that’s not what’s on his mind right now.
    He goes back to the disabled toilet, locks himself in and phones a brokerage firm that advertises in the Sunday papers. He places his trades, two k each for a short position on the three different Small Cap shares,