or
so miserable. Even if you just drag your feet on the new project, a lot of
people are going to be following your example.”
My
throat, I decided, had done enough involuntary tightening for one day. It
needed to relax and let me breathe. That was all I really wanted from it.
“On
the other hand,” Eric continued, “if you dive into the new project with
something approaching enthusiasm, anyone who dogs it is going to look like a
bit of a tool, which is going to make getting up to speed on Salvador a whole
lot easier.”
Suddenly,
my chair felt too confining. I stood, fighting the urge to put something solid
behind my back as a psychosomatic itch popped up between my shoulder blades.
“So let me get this straight. You’re asking me to smile and play nice when you
tell everyone out there that the project we’ve been sweating blood over for the
last two years is in the crapper? What happens if I don’t? Do I get fired? Or
do you just make my life miserable enough that I quit and you can bring someone
else in? Wait, is there a bonus if I play along? Because I think I see where
this is going, and I don’t like it.”
“Knock
it off, Ryan,” he said, sounding tired. “I’m not making any offers, and I’m not
making any threats. You can do whatever the hell you like. I’m just telling you
what I see and where I think you fit into this, because I need your help to
ride this one out without someone getting damaged. Like you said, my job is to
make sure everyone else has a job, and taking the deal seems like the best way
to ensure that. If I try to fight this, God knows when we’ll see the money from
the kill fee and we’ve got no line on the next gig. If we try to do Blue
Lightning in the meantime, we’ll run out of cash in under three months. Any other
publisher we talk to will know we’re over a barrel and will screw us that much
harder.”
I
wanted to get angry, to get indignant on behalf of our work and our integrity,
but all I got was a hollow feeling. “I know,” I said, and it came out like I’d
been gut-punched. “It’s just….”
“It
sucks.” He took a few steps closer and put a hand tentatively on my shoulder.
“It sucks a lot, and I know this is a lot to ask. But, if you understand why I
have to make this decision, you can help make it easier for everyone. I don’t
want people hurting themselves, Ryan. I don’t want anyone cutting their own
throats because at the end of the day, this is a job. It’s a job we all love,
but it’s still a job, and the paycheck is what covers the rent, not artistic
integrity or anything else. If you want, I can see if I can find something to
tuck into your envelope to make the medicine go down a little easier, but I
don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Cheap
bastard,” I said weakly.
He
shook his head. “No. I just think that if I do that, in about two months you’ll
decide that you were bought off and will work yourself up to doing something
really stupid, like quitting, in order to make your conscience feel better. I’d
rather have you here, without any more self-inflicted holes in your stomach
lining, and feeling all right about what you’re doing. If this works out the
way I hope it will, there’s going to be plenty on the back end for everyone,
anyway.” Abruptly the pressure of his hand left my shoulder, and Eric turned to
look away, a tired scarecrow who knew the big black birds were coming. “So make
up your mind,” he said. “I’d appreciate your help with this, if you want to
give it. If not, I understand. You’ve put in a lot of time on that project, and
put a lot of yourself into it.”
I
put my hand on the doorknob. “I’ll think about it,” I said thickly. “That’s all
I can promise.”
“I
know,” he said. “That’s all I can ask for. Now get out of here, and I’d
appreciate it if you didn’t talk to anyone else about this. I'll be making the
announcement today, but I have a few other folks I need to sit down
so miserable. Even if you just drag your feet on the new project, a lot of
people are going to be following your example.”
My
throat, I decided, had done enough involuntary tightening for one day. It
needed to relax and let me breathe. That was all I really wanted from it.
“On
the other hand,” Eric continued, “if you dive into the new project with
something approaching enthusiasm, anyone who dogs it is going to look like a
bit of a tool, which is going to make getting up to speed on Salvador a whole
lot easier.”
Suddenly,
my chair felt too confining. I stood, fighting the urge to put something solid
behind my back as a psychosomatic itch popped up between my shoulder blades.
“So let me get this straight. You’re asking me to smile and play nice when you
tell everyone out there that the project we’ve been sweating blood over for the
last two years is in the crapper? What happens if I don’t? Do I get fired? Or
do you just make my life miserable enough that I quit and you can bring someone
else in? Wait, is there a bonus if I play along? Because I think I see where
this is going, and I don’t like it.”
“Knock
it off, Ryan,” he said, sounding tired. “I’m not making any offers, and I’m not
making any threats. You can do whatever the hell you like. I’m just telling you
what I see and where I think you fit into this, because I need your help to
ride this one out without someone getting damaged. Like you said, my job is to
make sure everyone else has a job, and taking the deal seems like the best way
to ensure that. If I try to fight this, God knows when we’ll see the money from
the kill fee and we’ve got no line on the next gig. If we try to do Blue
Lightning in the meantime, we’ll run out of cash in under three months. Any other
publisher we talk to will know we’re over a barrel and will screw us that much
harder.”
I
wanted to get angry, to get indignant on behalf of our work and our integrity,
but all I got was a hollow feeling. “I know,” I said, and it came out like I’d
been gut-punched. “It’s just….”
“It
sucks.” He took a few steps closer and put a hand tentatively on my shoulder.
“It sucks a lot, and I know this is a lot to ask. But, if you understand why I
have to make this decision, you can help make it easier for everyone. I don’t
want people hurting themselves, Ryan. I don’t want anyone cutting their own
throats because at the end of the day, this is a job. It’s a job we all love,
but it’s still a job, and the paycheck is what covers the rent, not artistic
integrity or anything else. If you want, I can see if I can find something to
tuck into your envelope to make the medicine go down a little easier, but I
don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Cheap
bastard,” I said weakly.
He
shook his head. “No. I just think that if I do that, in about two months you’ll
decide that you were bought off and will work yourself up to doing something
really stupid, like quitting, in order to make your conscience feel better. I’d
rather have you here, without any more self-inflicted holes in your stomach
lining, and feeling all right about what you’re doing. If this works out the
way I hope it will, there’s going to be plenty on the back end for everyone,
anyway.” Abruptly the pressure of his hand left my shoulder, and Eric turned to
look away, a tired scarecrow who knew the big black birds were coming. “So make
up your mind,” he said. “I’d appreciate your help with this, if you want to
give it. If not, I understand. You’ve put in a lot of time on that project, and
put a lot of yourself into it.”
I
put my hand on the doorknob. “I’ll think about it,” I said thickly. “That’s all
I can promise.”
“I
know,” he said. “That’s all I can ask for. Now get out of here, and I’d
appreciate it if you didn’t talk to anyone else about this. I'll be making the
announcement today, but I have a few other folks I need to sit down
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