Read Online Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties by Lynda Renham - Free Book Online

and see that it most certainly is Hamilton Lancaster, and he looks none too comfortable either. This is a bit fishy if you ask me. I’ve only met the guy once and he mistook me for a prostitute. A quick glance in the mirror reveals flushed cheeks and wide eyes. My hair is a bit wild. Mind you, I’m looking a bit wild in general these days.
          ‘Did you come earlier?’ I shout through the door.
          ‘I beg your pardon?’
    I suppose on reflection that didn’t sound too good did it?
          ‘Did you visit earlier?’
          ‘Yes I did.’
    What on earth for?
          ‘What do you want?’
          ‘To come in would be nice. I’ve driven around three times and almost got arrested for kerb crawling.’
    Ah, knowing him he probably was. I open the door to see him looking red faced and uncomfortable. He’s wearing a black overcoat and an expensive silk scarf. He gives a weak smile. Once inside he looks around warily, fidgeting with his scarf. He thrusts a bunch of tulips at me.
          ‘I understand it was your birthday a few days ago.’
    I take the tulips. Blimey, Julian never buys me flowers.
          ‘Do you want me to take your clothes?’ I say and blush. That came out all wrong. I sound like I’m anyone’s for a bunch of tulips.
          ‘What?’ he asks, stepping back.
          ‘I meant your coat and scarf,’ I say quickly.
          ‘Oh right, yes of course. I’ll keep it on if that’s all right. It’s a bit chilly in here.’
    I nod.
          ‘They cut off the gas. I use a snuggie and hot water bottle now.’
    I begin pricking the tulips with a pin. He looks at me curiously.
          ‘It stops them drooping if you give them a prick.’
    Christ, why is everything coming out wrong.
          ‘Oh,’ he says, ‘I never knew that.’
          ‘It only works on tulips, not everything that droops.’
    I think it would be better if I just shut up. His eyes fall on the birthday cake.
          ‘Oh, would you like some? I’ve not actually had any myself so I can’t tell you what it’s like.’
          ‘They really did trash your place didn’t they?’ he says looking around.
          ‘I’ve actually cleaned up,’ I say bristling.
    What a cheek, and how the hell did he know about that anyway?
          ‘Oh,’ he says, raising his eyebrows, ‘I thought …’
          ‘Why are you here?’ I say, ‘And how did you know where I lived?’
    He fidgets and I feel my face turning red. I fill the kettle. Maybe if I do something normal we will both stop thinking about the offer he’s going to make. I hope it’s not sex related. What if he is one of those rich toffs who likes to do weird kinky stuff, you know the kind of thing. Then again maybe you don’t and I’m not even sure I do. Anyway, whatever it is it must be so kinky if he can’t get anyone else to do it. Maybe he wants me to tie him up and whip him. Pity Julian isn’t making me this offer. I’d happily tie Julian up and whip him. Not that I know much about kinky sex of course. Only what I read once about an MP with a paper bag and a segment of orange. If Hamilton mentions either of these I’ll know to panic. I pull two mugs from the cupboard and fiddle with the boxes of tea.
          ‘We have Mint tea, Orange and Ginseng or …’
    Christ, it would be Orange and Ginseng wouldn’t it? I blush and push the box to the back of the cupboard.
          ‘Tesco Value and oh, some Earl Grey, but it’s been here yonks so I can’t vouch for it,’ I say cheerfully producing a tatty box of Twinings own.
    He sighs.
          ‘You don’t have any whisky do you?’
    I shake my head.
          ‘We’re all out of single malt I’m afraid, but it’s on my Tesco shopping list, along with the champagne and caviar,’ I say tetchily, shoving the boxes back into the cupboard.
          ‘I wasn’t mocking, I just feel like I need