Read Online Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties by Lynda Renham - Free Book Online Page A

something stronger than tea.’
          ‘Look, I’m not into kinky sex okay. I don’t take money to piss on people or whatever it is you’re going to suggest. I don’t take money for sex, period. In fact, I barely have sex these days. This whole business is playing havoc with my libido. So I’m really not your girl.’
    He backs away in horror.
          ‘Christ,’ he groans. I bite my lip.
          ‘I don’t want to have sex with you,’ he says.
    Thanks very much, I’m sure.
          ‘Well that’s a relief,’ I say. ‘I wasn’t exactly overwhelmed at the thought of having sex with you either.’
    That was embarrassing. I comfort myself with the fact that I probably could still sell my body. After all, the people I will be catering for won’t be Hamilton Lancaster types will they? Someone is bound to find me reasonably appealing aren’t they? I could always just hire myself out to the blind and stupid.
    He coughs.
          ‘Alistair said you were in a bit of trouble …’
    A bit of trouble, is that what he calls it? If only it was a bit.
          ‘Alistair?’ I say spinning round. ‘St-st-st-stammering Alistair? Did he tell you my flat had been trashed, and did he tell you where I lived?’ HH
    He nods.
          ‘I contacted him. I need, I need …’
          ‘Yes, well I’m not giving it to you,’ I snap.
          ‘I need a future wife,’ he finally spits out.
    I stare at him.
          ‘Sorry, do you mean you need a future wife, or a wife from the future? I’m confused.’
    He flops onto the couch.
          ‘My grandmother has six months to live.’
    H e seems to ponder this for a second.
          ‘I suppose less now. Anyway, she’s threatening to cut us all off. She will sell all her shares to some money-grabbing bastard if one of her grandsons doesn’t prove to her that they can be responsible and reliable and will carry on the family name.’
          ‘Oh God, compared to what I’m going through that sounds horrific. I can’t imagine anything worse for you,’ I say sarcastically.
    He runs his hand through his thick dark hair and looks at me pleadingly. I feel a tiny throbbing around my navel area. It’ s nothing sexual you understand. My new piercing has been itching for days. I think it’s the stress. What I need is an evening with a Jo Malone candle, a bottle of Moet and some Michael Buble. Maybe I can borrow Gary’s Barclaycard and give myself a little treat. In fact, maybe I can simply borrow Gary’s Barclaycard and bugger off.
          ‘Look, I’m really sorry about your grandmother,’ I say sincerely, ‘but surely someone like you has a girlfriend. It can’t be that difficult surely? You said grandsons , what about the other one, hasn’t he got a girlfriend?’
    He lowers his eyes.
          ‘I broke up with my girlfriend. Grandmother hated her. As for my cousin, he couldn’t care less about the family business. Look, I just need you to pretend to be my fiancée for a few weekends. She’s expecting to see my new girlfriend at our spring break in Scotland. I can’t go there without one. I’ll make it worth your while. All you have to do is come away for a weekend in Scotland and make the odd visit to the house in Hampstead Heath. Once she thinks I’m engaged she’ll change the will and that’s it.’
    I gape at him.
          ‘That’s all is it?’
    He nods.
          ‘Oh well, I’m sure I can spare a few weekends and popping up to Scotland shouldn’t take long. I mean, honestly what do you take me for? I can’t lie to your grandmother, especially if she’s dying, that’s immoral. And besides I have a boyfriend.’
          ‘Think how happy you’ll make her.’
          ‘Think how unhappy I’ll make him. And it’s still deceiving your grandmother,’ I insist. ‘And anyway, there is no guarantee I will make your grandmother happy. If how happy I make my mother is anything to