Read Online Unplugged (A Portrait of a Rock Star) by J. P. Grider - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: J. P. Grider
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I was ready to defend myself; he put his hands up, “I just mean it’s handsome, not rough and weathered like mine. You look good.”
“Thanks, Dad. I think. I’ll… umm… let you know what I decide as soon as I can.”
“Right.” Auggie Holland was out the door.
Mara was sitting on the arm of the couch. I meandered over to her and took one of her hands in mine. She stood up and looked me straight in the eyes. “Are you okay, Tagg? He got you flustered, didn’t he?”
I turned up one side of my mouth in an attempt to smile. “Now that’s an understatement. I’m sorry you had to hear all that. I mean my cursing and all. I try to refrain from using words like that around you, but he gets my blood boiling sometimes.”
Mara took both my hands this time. “Don’t worry about the cursing; I’m more concerned with the way your dad was talking to you.”
“Aw, don’t be. He’s always like that. I’m used to it. He used to treat my mom like that; now that got me mad. I vowed never to treat anyone like that.” I kind of looked down at the floor. “I guess my ways are no better, though. I guess I did pick up his cheating ways.”
Mara let go of one of my hands and led me to the couch with her other hand still holding mine. We sat down at the same time. “Tagg, tell me about it. The night Crystal died.”
“Mara, I told you that day over coffee.”
“You told me that she found you cheating and she took off and crashed her car. Those are the facts. I want to know what you were feeling. My guess is that you have never talked about it before and as much as it hurts to admit that your actions caused a terrible consequence, maybe you need to talk about how you feel about that. I mean really feel.”
“Mara, you just said my actions caused the crash?”
“Well, didn’t they? That’s what you said, it was your fault.”
“Yeah, but anyone else who tries to talk to me says that it wasn’t my fault; I couldn’t have known she was going to get in that crash.”
“But had you not been cheating on her, she never would have gone out. You said it yourself.”
I took my hands abruptly away from Mara. What was she trying to do to me? I saw by the fearful look in her eyes that she regretted saying that. “Mara, please leave.”
Mara stood up and started walking toward the door. She turned and said, “Look Tagg, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She looked down for a moment and shot her head back up. “But, I do believe that each and every decision we make, no matter how big or small, affects our lives in some way. No, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that it did happen. You feel guilty, and rightly so. You’ve admitted you were wrong and I’m sure you regret the decisions you’ve made. I just thought that if you talked about it, constructively, that maybe one day you would be able to forgive yourself. It’s a difficult endeavor, but a necessary one. Again, Tagg, I’m sorry. I’ve overstepped my bounds. Call me when you’re ready to train again.” Mara walked out with her head down and her shoulders slumped. I felt bad. She was right. But it was so damn hard to forgive myself.
I let Mara leave …but I didn’t want her to. She had upset me, but only because the truth had hurt …so much. To hear someone else say it, well that was like pouring alcohol on my already wounded heart. But, I really had to talk with Mara. I shouldn’t have let her go. Not like that. This day was certainly turning out to be one hell of a bad day. And it wasn’t even noon yet.
As much as my father and Ronnie had agitated me, my conversation with Mara had left me unsettled. Not so much was it what she said that bothered me, but how we left things. Moving forward with our relationship was kind of what I wanted, and talking about the serious stuff,
“Thanks, Dad. I think. I’ll… umm… let you know what I decide as soon as I can.”
“Right.” Auggie Holland was out the door.
Mara was sitting on the arm of the couch. I meandered over to her and took one of her hands in mine. She stood up and looked me straight in the eyes. “Are you okay, Tagg? He got you flustered, didn’t he?”
I turned up one side of my mouth in an attempt to smile. “Now that’s an understatement. I’m sorry you had to hear all that. I mean my cursing and all. I try to refrain from using words like that around you, but he gets my blood boiling sometimes.”
Mara took both my hands this time. “Don’t worry about the cursing; I’m more concerned with the way your dad was talking to you.”
“Aw, don’t be. He’s always like that. I’m used to it. He used to treat my mom like that; now that got me mad. I vowed never to treat anyone like that.” I kind of looked down at the floor. “I guess my ways are no better, though. I guess I did pick up his cheating ways.”
Mara let go of one of my hands and led me to the couch with her other hand still holding mine. We sat down at the same time. “Tagg, tell me about it. The night Crystal died.”
“Mara, I told you that day over coffee.”
“You told me that she found you cheating and she took off and crashed her car. Those are the facts. I want to know what you were feeling. My guess is that you have never talked about it before and as much as it hurts to admit that your actions caused a terrible consequence, maybe you need to talk about how you feel about that. I mean really feel.”
“Mara, you just said my actions caused the crash?”
“Well, didn’t they? That’s what you said, it was your fault.”
“Yeah, but anyone else who tries to talk to me says that it wasn’t my fault; I couldn’t have known she was going to get in that crash.”
“But had you not been cheating on her, she never would have gone out. You said it yourself.”
I took my hands abruptly away from Mara. What was she trying to do to me? I saw by the fearful look in her eyes that she regretted saying that. “Mara, please leave.”
Mara stood up and started walking toward the door. She turned and said, “Look Tagg, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She looked down for a moment and shot her head back up. “But, I do believe that each and every decision we make, no matter how big or small, affects our lives in some way. No, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that it did happen. You feel guilty, and rightly so. You’ve admitted you were wrong and I’m sure you regret the decisions you’ve made. I just thought that if you talked about it, constructively, that maybe one day you would be able to forgive yourself. It’s a difficult endeavor, but a necessary one. Again, Tagg, I’m sorry. I’ve overstepped my bounds. Call me when you’re ready to train again.” Mara walked out with her head down and her shoulders slumped. I felt bad. She was right. But it was so damn hard to forgive myself.
I let Mara leave …but I didn’t want her to. She had upset me, but only because the truth had hurt …so much. To hear someone else say it, well that was like pouring alcohol on my already wounded heart. But, I really had to talk with Mara. I shouldn’t have let her go. Not like that. This day was certainly turning out to be one hell of a bad day. And it wasn’t even noon yet.
As much as my father and Ronnie had agitated me, my conversation with Mara had left me unsettled. Not so much was it what she said that bothered me, but how we left things. Moving forward with our relationship was kind of what I wanted, and talking about the serious stuff,
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