grip and stomping off. But I was curious. Was he going to offer some sort of explanation? If so, why? He could have easily ignored me. He could have given me the cut direct.
We passed the library and went through a back hall. A narrow staircase on one side climbed to the second floor. It had probably been the servant staircase back in Victorian times. Opposite this stairway was a large country kitchen. People were milling around in there; people were everywhere. But Will opened a door and led me out onto what must at one time have been the back porch. It had been enclosed and was now a family room, with huge windows on three sides. A wood-burning stove kept the room warm and cozy.
We were alone there except for two scruffy-looking dogs who were lying on the rugs in front of the stove, and a cat perched imperiously on a cushion, where it had a good view out the windows. The dogs greeted us, tails wagging joyously, and Will and I both patted them. We sat down on a small sofa. When he addressed one of the dogs by name, I said, "You know these dogs?"
"Yup. This is Rex and that's Eleanor."
"I guess you've been here before."
"I have, yeah. I've known Jeff since freshman year. Did you know he fell off his roof and broke his leg a while ago? He cracked his ribs, too, and had a concussion."
"I heard about it, yes."
"It was lucky he wasn't killed. His roof is higher than most roofs on modern houses."
That must be true, given the high ceilings.
"After the accident, I helped him out with some chores around the house. He was on crutches for a few weeks."
"I know. He still has a limp." I'd heard about his accident from Julie, whose maternal instincts had been excited by the sight of her beloved advisor on crutches. She had helped him out with some chores, too. "So you're friendly with him?"
"He's an affable guy. He volunteers at the local animal shelter here in town, and I do, too, so I kept running into him outside school."
Will volunteered at an animal shelter? I remember the dead cat we'd bonded over sophomore year. My hostility was fading. How could I be mad at someone who volunteered at an animal shelter?
Still, now that I was finally with him, after all these weeks of longing for it, I was feeling weird. I'd been disappointed so many times that I hadn't expected him to be friendly or encouraging tonight. My throat was doing that frozen-up thing that made it difficult to speak. I mumbled something about how I wished I were friends with more professors.
"I guess if I were smart," said Will, "I'd try to get to know some in the chemistry department. It was kind of an accident, getting to know Jeff." He seemed to have relaxed. He was speaking in that friendly manner I remembered from our night together. "When are you leaving for the other side of the world?"
"I'm not. I have an aunt on Nantucket, so I'm going there for Christmas dinner, and then I'll be coming back to campus. I'm taking an intersession course with Professor Slayton. I can't get used to calling him Jeff, the way you and Julie do."
"You will. He insists on it, and you're a history major."
So he remembered that, too. I wondered if he remembered everything we'd said that night. Did he remember everything we'd done?
"I'll be here for intersession, too," he said. "Going home on Christmas Eve, but I'll be back after a few days." He smiled. "It'll be nice to see a friendly face. All of my others friends will be off skiing."
So, we would both be on campus during break. I had grown so accustomed to feeling pushed away by him, that my first reaction to this was dismay. What if, knowing he was there in his dorm, I got the urge to run by it every day? Fuck! I didn't want to feel the feelings that I was already feeling again!
I couldn't fathom what was going on between us, here on the windowed porch. The moon had risen high over the trees now, and its silver light made the snow sparkle. It was huge in the black sky, driving ahead of it a few wispy clouds that didn't
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