Read Online Uncovering You 9: Liberation by Scarlett Edwards - Free Book Online
Authors: Scarlett Edwards
Ads: Link
Jeremy says. “You have these feelings floating around inside you. Many of them—most of them?—directed at me.
“Your feelings give rise to your passions. The intoxication you feel when we make love. The anger when you think I’ve done you wrong. The thrill of battling it out with me, of sparring on a verbal level.”
“I don’t…”
“Don’t deny it. You’d be doing yourself an injustice. I know the truth of these feelings because they are mirrored in me. You are the only one who has ever been able to make them come out.
“There is no cycle, Lilly. You just choose to attach words to these things you feel. Hatred? Love? Both spurred on by the same emotions. Both capable of making you do extraordinary things. That is the shortcoming of human language. It tries to encapsulate all these bubbling, stewing emotions in neat little packages that can be labeled. It is the fallacy of Western thinking. That everything has a meaning. That it should be defined. That it should be dissected piece by piece.
“But the feelings you and I have for each other? The ones we share? They are beyond definition. They are beyond meaning. I feel an immense love looking at you, Lilly, ruffled as you are, angry and pissed off at me as you are. And you, sitting on the opposite side of the mirror, must feel nothing but hate.
“Therein lies the truth of our relationship. That something so ugly can give birth to something so beautiful. I am enchanted by you, Lilly, in all your states. I provoke you into some of them. I tease you into others. I do it all for the selfish reason that I want to experience you and all you have to offer. Not life, Lilly. I’ve already experienced life. Not life, but…you.
“That is our tragedy. That you and I can never move past this point. In a way, we’re stuck together because of what I put you through. Because of the pull you exert on me. Because I know of no other outlet for my love.
“You are all I have and all I want. I’ve tried to push you away, when I thought it best for you, when I thought you might take the lead, but every time you rebounded right back. That is how I know what we have is more than mere words. Love, hate? Frivolous words. Frivolous definitions. This thing between us—this thing I know you feel—transcends all that.”
“That is utter bullshit,” I mumble, but without much conviction. My head is swimming with the possibilities. What if Jeremy is right? What if that is the true reason I’ve chosen to stay?
“I am right, you know,” he says.
I realize I’ve spoken my doubts aloud. I gasp and cover my mouth with both hands.
Jeremy sits down in his original seat across the table from me. “You know,” he says, “it’s a damn good thing that Charles is deaf, or else he’d be privy to our every word. We can’t have what we discuss between us leave this little room now, can we? He looks up at the sound of approaching footsteps.
“Ah,” he says, giving Charlie a gracious smile. “Dinner is served.”
Chapter Nine
I chew without tasting. My thoughts are too tumultuous to enjoy the food.
Jeremy Stonehart is an absolute wonder. The cruelty, the thoughtfulness, the beautiful philosophy contained within one man. It is astounding.
The more I ruminate on it, the more I see that he is right. Love and hate are simply words. The feelings that give rise to them are eerily similar.
So, is that why I found it so easy to slip into loving him? All those feelings of hate have been building toward him the whole time? Only they weren’t hate, as he said, but rather passion. Passions he evoked in me. Some of which were hauntingly beautiful, others maddeningly painful. But they were passions all the same. That is how he sunk his claws into me.
Apathy would be better. Apathy would give me the distance needed for revenge. But now I seek something greater than that. Something more enlightened. Something utterly more fulfilling:
Understanding .
“Why did you drug me?” I
“Your feelings give rise to your passions. The intoxication you feel when we make love. The anger when you think I’ve done you wrong. The thrill of battling it out with me, of sparring on a verbal level.”
“I don’t…”
“Don’t deny it. You’d be doing yourself an injustice. I know the truth of these feelings because they are mirrored in me. You are the only one who has ever been able to make them come out.
“There is no cycle, Lilly. You just choose to attach words to these things you feel. Hatred? Love? Both spurred on by the same emotions. Both capable of making you do extraordinary things. That is the shortcoming of human language. It tries to encapsulate all these bubbling, stewing emotions in neat little packages that can be labeled. It is the fallacy of Western thinking. That everything has a meaning. That it should be defined. That it should be dissected piece by piece.
“But the feelings you and I have for each other? The ones we share? They are beyond definition. They are beyond meaning. I feel an immense love looking at you, Lilly, ruffled as you are, angry and pissed off at me as you are. And you, sitting on the opposite side of the mirror, must feel nothing but hate.
“Therein lies the truth of our relationship. That something so ugly can give birth to something so beautiful. I am enchanted by you, Lilly, in all your states. I provoke you into some of them. I tease you into others. I do it all for the selfish reason that I want to experience you and all you have to offer. Not life, Lilly. I’ve already experienced life. Not life, but…you.
“That is our tragedy. That you and I can never move past this point. In a way, we’re stuck together because of what I put you through. Because of the pull you exert on me. Because I know of no other outlet for my love.
“You are all I have and all I want. I’ve tried to push you away, when I thought it best for you, when I thought you might take the lead, but every time you rebounded right back. That is how I know what we have is more than mere words. Love, hate? Frivolous words. Frivolous definitions. This thing between us—this thing I know you feel—transcends all that.”
“That is utter bullshit,” I mumble, but without much conviction. My head is swimming with the possibilities. What if Jeremy is right? What if that is the true reason I’ve chosen to stay?
“I am right, you know,” he says.
I realize I’ve spoken my doubts aloud. I gasp and cover my mouth with both hands.
Jeremy sits down in his original seat across the table from me. “You know,” he says, “it’s a damn good thing that Charles is deaf, or else he’d be privy to our every word. We can’t have what we discuss between us leave this little room now, can we? He looks up at the sound of approaching footsteps.
“Ah,” he says, giving Charlie a gracious smile. “Dinner is served.”
Chapter Nine
I chew without tasting. My thoughts are too tumultuous to enjoy the food.
Jeremy Stonehart is an absolute wonder. The cruelty, the thoughtfulness, the beautiful philosophy contained within one man. It is astounding.
The more I ruminate on it, the more I see that he is right. Love and hate are simply words. The feelings that give rise to them are eerily similar.
So, is that why I found it so easy to slip into loving him? All those feelings of hate have been building toward him the whole time? Only they weren’t hate, as he said, but rather passion. Passions he evoked in me. Some of which were hauntingly beautiful, others maddeningly painful. But they were passions all the same. That is how he sunk his claws into me.
Apathy would be better. Apathy would give me the distance needed for revenge. But now I seek something greater than that. Something more enlightened. Something utterly more fulfilling:
Understanding .
“Why did you drug me?” I
Similar Books
