Read Online Twanged by Carol Higgins Clark - Free Book Online
Authors: Carol Higgins Clark
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forest,” Constance replied. “And I didn’t have time to book a flight.”
Chappy cleared his throat. Duke, following his cue, coughed.
“Hello hello,” Chappy sang. “How is everything coming along?”
Bettina turned to him, plastering a big smile on her heavily made-up face. “Hi, poopy. Constance made you your pigs in a blanket. I was just thinking that some of the others might prefer a few more healthy choices.”
“Oh”—Chappy waved his hand—”put out some wheat germ. And peel a few carrots. That’ll keep them happy. Constance, did we set up a Mexican station out on the deck with tortilla chips and hot sauce?”
Constance looked up from rolling a piece of dough around a miniature hot dog and smiled. She was dressed in a starched gray dress that brought to mind the servants one might see on a PBS special. Chappy liked western wear during the day but Old English dress when they entertained. “Yes, sir. And that’s where we’ll put out the ice cream, sprinkles, and choice of toppings after dinner.”
“Oh good!” Duke said.
The doorbell rang. It was actually made to sound like a gong.
“Hear ye! Hear ye!” Chappy cried. Slapping Duke’s hand, which was picking at a tray of mushroom quiche, he ran out of the kitchen.
At the front door, which was the size of a jumbo wall unit, he composed himself and pulled it open. There stood Peace Man in what looked like a pair of gray pajamas with beads around his neck.
“Greetings,” Peace Man said somberly.
Chappy turned away. “Bettina!” he screamed. He turned back. “Come on in,” he said begrudgingly.
“Is Peace Man the first to arrive?” Peace Man asked.
Chappy looked at him. “Not a surprise. You only had to travel from the side of the house.”
“Peace Man is very happy there. The ions from the ocean soothe. Only two problems. One is you don’t have enough trees. Peace Man likes to hug a different tree every day. Number two is that big bus is blocking my sunlight.”
Chappy was about to reach over and strangle him when Bettina came into the foyer.
“Sister,” Peace Man said with a bow of his head.
“Peace Man,” Bettina said with a slight curtsy. “Welcome to our humble home. Can I get you a drink?”
“Scotch on the rocks.”
“Scotch on the rocks, coming right up.”
“With a twist.”
“With a twist, coming right up.”
Together they ambled through the foyer, headed in the direction of the deck outside, where a bar had been set up. “Peace Man, I invited some of your other followers, but since this was planned at the last minute, they had already committed to other important parties and such,” Bettina was heard saying.
“Peace Man understands. Will they be here for the special enlightenment session tomorrow?”
“They wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
Chappy wanted to throw up but luckily he was diverted by the sight of the architect for the theatre, Claudia Snookfuss, and her boyfriend, Ned Alingham, the feng shui specialist, getting out of their brand-new Range Rover, bought from the proceeds of their work together. She drew up the plans for houses and whatever buildings people wanted to erect, and Ned told her where to place objects such as the banisters. “Or else the energy flows right out when the door opens.”
Unfortunately for Ned, a lot of people didn’t buy the idea of feng shui and wanted no part of him or his fees. Claudia worked alone on those jobs.
Together they came up the steps. Claudia, with a little button nose and straight chin-length blond hair held perfectly in place with a pink headband, looked as if nothing in her life could possibly be out of order. She had on a pair of striped pink-and-green canvas shoes to match her pink skirt and green top. Ned, average-sized with perfectly parted brown hair and owlish glasses, had a certain nervous intensity. He wore the expression of a child about to burst into tears. His relentless pursuit of harmony in his surroundings apparently did
Chappy cleared his throat. Duke, following his cue, coughed.
“Hello hello,” Chappy sang. “How is everything coming along?”
Bettina turned to him, plastering a big smile on her heavily made-up face. “Hi, poopy. Constance made you your pigs in a blanket. I was just thinking that some of the others might prefer a few more healthy choices.”
“Oh”—Chappy waved his hand—”put out some wheat germ. And peel a few carrots. That’ll keep them happy. Constance, did we set up a Mexican station out on the deck with tortilla chips and hot sauce?”
Constance looked up from rolling a piece of dough around a miniature hot dog and smiled. She was dressed in a starched gray dress that brought to mind the servants one might see on a PBS special. Chappy liked western wear during the day but Old English dress when they entertained. “Yes, sir. And that’s where we’ll put out the ice cream, sprinkles, and choice of toppings after dinner.”
“Oh good!” Duke said.
The doorbell rang. It was actually made to sound like a gong.
“Hear ye! Hear ye!” Chappy cried. Slapping Duke’s hand, which was picking at a tray of mushroom quiche, he ran out of the kitchen.
At the front door, which was the size of a jumbo wall unit, he composed himself and pulled it open. There stood Peace Man in what looked like a pair of gray pajamas with beads around his neck.
“Greetings,” Peace Man said somberly.
Chappy turned away. “Bettina!” he screamed. He turned back. “Come on in,” he said begrudgingly.
“Is Peace Man the first to arrive?” Peace Man asked.
Chappy looked at him. “Not a surprise. You only had to travel from the side of the house.”
“Peace Man is very happy there. The ions from the ocean soothe. Only two problems. One is you don’t have enough trees. Peace Man likes to hug a different tree every day. Number two is that big bus is blocking my sunlight.”
Chappy was about to reach over and strangle him when Bettina came into the foyer.
“Sister,” Peace Man said with a bow of his head.
“Peace Man,” Bettina said with a slight curtsy. “Welcome to our humble home. Can I get you a drink?”
“Scotch on the rocks.”
“Scotch on the rocks, coming right up.”
“With a twist.”
“With a twist, coming right up.”
Together they ambled through the foyer, headed in the direction of the deck outside, where a bar had been set up. “Peace Man, I invited some of your other followers, but since this was planned at the last minute, they had already committed to other important parties and such,” Bettina was heard saying.
“Peace Man understands. Will they be here for the special enlightenment session tomorrow?”
“They wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
Chappy wanted to throw up but luckily he was diverted by the sight of the architect for the theatre, Claudia Snookfuss, and her boyfriend, Ned Alingham, the feng shui specialist, getting out of their brand-new Range Rover, bought from the proceeds of their work together. She drew up the plans for houses and whatever buildings people wanted to erect, and Ned told her where to place objects such as the banisters. “Or else the energy flows right out when the door opens.”
Unfortunately for Ned, a lot of people didn’t buy the idea of feng shui and wanted no part of him or his fees. Claudia worked alone on those jobs.
Together they came up the steps. Claudia, with a little button nose and straight chin-length blond hair held perfectly in place with a pink headband, looked as if nothing in her life could possibly be out of order. She had on a pair of striped pink-and-green canvas shoes to match her pink skirt and green top. Ned, average-sized with perfectly parted brown hair and owlish glasses, had a certain nervous intensity. He wore the expression of a child about to burst into tears. His relentless pursuit of harmony in his surroundings apparently did
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