Read Online TRACELESS by Helen Kay Dimon - Free Book Online Page A

guilt. They didn’t need additional reminders. Not now when she needed his mind clear, and focus off what happened to her.
    “That’s a different thing.”
    She had to smile at that. “Only you would think so.”
    He demanded so much of himself. The way he pushed his body and mind stunned her. Truth was, she’d always been a little in awe of his self-control. At the beginning that strength, tethered and formidable, excited her. In the past year it suffocated her.
    She knew from experience he’d turn her kidnapping over in his mind, analyze it and dissect it. He’d take on the blame and then double down on his security measures.
    That’s how he operated. He closed her out to protect her, or that’s what he claimed. She could never make him understand she craved the closeness he refused to give her.
    She sat down on the hard rock and shifted until she found a half-comfortable position. She guessed her butt would either grow sore or go numb in the next few minutes.
    He stood over her, hovering, with his feet apart and his hands on his hips. The gun strapped to his side was within easy reach and she knew he had other weapons within a hand’s distance. People hunted them down, the world kept exploding and he acted like they were out on a normal hike.
    “How can you be so calm?” She folded her hands on her lap to keep from rubbing them together or fidgeting.
    “Practice.”
    Another one-word answer. Clipped but not all that clear. “Are you making a joke?”
    He exhaled in that put-upon male tone he did so well. “I’m pointing out that I trained for years to handle stress and danger.”
    “Your undercover work.” She knew all about it, or as much as he could safely say.
    “Yes, and now for Corcoran.”
    He worked for years in what she picked up was a CIA splinter group. He did things that shaped him. Talked about how he went from a military family with a sense of honor and commitment to a black ops expert who grew weary of the game. After he rescued her, he got out. It took months and he hid the long, difficult disconnect from her. Even now she didn’t know what he’d promised or sacrificed to start a normal life with her.
    Maybe that’s where it started. With all the secrets. With him trying so hard to break away from his past.
    “You never talk about it.” The weight of all those years piled up. She kept trying to lift it off him and open the space between them, but he fought her. Not verbally and certainly not physically, but definitely emotionally.
    Even now he made a noise between an exhale and a groan as he took the seat next to her. “Talk about what exactly?”
    “The years before you met me.”
    He rested his elbows on his knees and let his hands hang down between his legs. One thumb rubbed along the calloused palm of his other hand. “They don’t matter.”
    The temptation to reach out and skim her fingers down his back kicked strong. The months apart had taken a toll on her. She missed holding him, making love with him. The simple things like cooking breakfast together and laughing over a movie.
    Sitting close, smelling his familiar scent, brought it all rushing back in a punch of longing so powerful she almost doubled over from the force of it. But she forced her mind to hold on to the conversation and her voice to remain steady. “Because?”
    He peeked over at her. “I didn’t have you.”
    This man could bring her to her knees. “You were furious with me an hour ago, making claims about Marcel and fighting everything I said and now you’re being all sweet. A woman could get confused.”
    He chuckled. “I know.”
    “What changed?”
    He reached over and slipped a hand over hers. “Almost getting blown up has a way of shifting a man’s priorities.”
    His fingers entwined with hers, sending heat pulsing through her. She didn’t realize she was shaking until that moment. “Do you have any idea why someone wants your attention?”
    “And grabbed you to get it?” He rubbed his