Titus Andronicus & Timon of Athens

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Authors: William Shakespeare
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believest no god:
    That granted, how canst thou believe an oath?
    AARON     What if I do not? — As indeed I do not —
    Yet for 75 I know thou art religious
    And hast a thing within thee called conscience,
    With twenty popish 77 tricks and ceremonies
    Which I have seen thee careful to observe:
    Therefore I urge thy oath, for that I know
    An idiot holds his bauble 80 for a god
    And keeps the oath which by that god he swears,
    To that I’ll urge him: therefore thou shalt vow
    By that same god, what god soe’er it be,
    That thou ador’st and hast in reverence,
    To save my boy, to nourish and bring him up,
    Or else I will discover 86 nought to thee.
    LUCIUS     Even by my god I swear to thee I will.
    AARON     First know thou I begot him on the empress.
    LUCIUS     O most insatiate, luxurious 89 woman!
    AARON     Tut, Lucius, this was but a deed of charity
    To 91 that which thou shalt hear of me anon.
    ’Twas her two sons that murdered Bassianus,
    They cut thy sister’s tongue and ravished her
    And cut her hands off and trimmed 94 her as thou saw’st.
    LUCIUS     O detestable villain! Call’st thou that trimming?
    AARON     Why, she was washed and cut and trimmed 96 , and ’twas
    Trim 97 sport for them that had the doing of it.
    LUCIUS     O barbarous, beastly villains, like thyself!
    AARON     Indeed, I was their tutor to instruct them.
    That codding 100 spirit had they from their mother,
    As sure a card as ever won the set: 101
    That bloody 102 mind, I think, they learned of me,
    As true a dog as ever fought at head. 103
    Well, let my deeds be witness of my worth.
    I trained 105 thy brethren to that guileful hole
    Where the dead corpse of Bassianus lay:
    I wrote the letter that thy father found,
    And hid the gold within the letter mentioned,
    Confederate 109 with the queen and her two sons:
    And what not done, that thou hast cause to rue
    Wherein I had no stroke of mischief in it?
    I played the cheater 112 for thy father’s hand,
    And when I had it, drew myself apart
    And almost broke my heart with extreme laughter:
    I pried me 115 through the crevice of a wall
    When for his hand he had his two sons’ heads,
    Beheld his tears and laughed so heartily
    That both mine eyes were rainy like to his.
    And when I told the empress of this sport,
    She swoonèd almost at my pleasing tale
    And for my tidings gave me twenty kisses.
    A GOTH     What, canst thou say all this and never blush?
    AARON     Ay, like a black dog, as the saying is. 123
    LUCIUS     Art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?
    AARON     Ay, that I had not done a thousand more.
    Even now I curse the day — and yet I think
    Few come within the compass of my curse —
    Wherein I did not some notorious ill,
    As kill a man or else devise his death,
    Ravish a maid or plot the way to do it,
    Accuse some innocent and forswear myself, 131
    Set deadly enmity between two friends,
    Make poor men’s cattle break their necks,
    Set fire on barns and haystacks in the night
    And bid the owners quench them with their tears.
    Oft have I digged up dead men from their graves
    And set them upright at their dear friends’ door,
    Even when their sorrows almost was forgot,
    And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,
    Have with my knife carved in Roman letters,
    ‘Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.’
    Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things
    As willingly as one would kill a fly,
    And nothing grieves me heartily indeed
    But that I cannot do ten thousand more.
    LUCIUS     Bring down the devil, for he must not die
    So sweet a death as hanging presently. 147
    Aaron is made to climb down
    AARON     If there be devils, would I were a devil,
    To live and burn in everlasting fire,
    So I might have your company in hell,
    But to torment you with my bitter tongue.
    Aaron is gagged
    LUCIUS     Sirs, stop his mouth and let him speak no more.
    Enter

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