Read Online This Shared Dream by Kathleen Ann Goonan - Free Book Online

would just get out into it.
    It was time to leave this place.
    *   *   *
    Elmore allowed her discharge mainly, Jill thought, because their insurance had run out and he was tired of paying the au pair he’d hired to take care of Stevie. She hadn’t seen Stevie in a month. Children were not allowed at the hospital.
    Elmore went on a tirade as they drove through Washington, but his words were a bit like the trees and houses, things that passed with whooshing sounds and were gone. It was actually kind of funny. Phrases like “Sick of this,” “You’re acting like a child,” “I told you [fill in the blank]” had no meaning anymore. She interrupted his running narrative of her faults.
    “You used to be different.”
    “What?” He actually turned and looked at her. “She speaks. Okay. I’m trying to listen. But don’t you realize that’s what you’ve been saying about everything this past month? Everything used to be different.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have let them talk me into committing you, but you were … combative. Hysterical.”
    “I was?”
    He shook his head as the light turned green, and moved the car forward another block. “See? You don’t remember. They told me that it was likely that you would experience more … cognitive breaks … As time went on.”
    “Cognitive breaks,” she said thoughtfully.
    “Yes. You may be schizophrenic.”
    “Hence, lithium?”
    “You have to understand, I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do.”
    “It’s not right.”
    “I know, but—”
    “I mean, it’s not right that if I argue with you, you can label it as being combative and say that it’s bad. It’s inconvenient, I know. It takes up your valuable time.” She stirred, restless, feeling as if she would like to jump out of the car.
    And run home.
    Maybe that was the best thing to do. Just because her last attempt had failed didn’t mean she shouldn’t try again, and succeed. Before that, she hadn’t even known what she wanted.
    She said, “What about Stevie?”
    “What do you mean?”
    “You talked about a divorce at the hospital. In fact, it sounded to me as if you’d started proceedings. Did you send me any papers? I don’t remember. Do I need a lawyer?”
    “Jill, we can talk about this later.”
    “Where’s Stevie?”
    “At preschool.”
    “I want to see him.”
    “He’ll be home around three.”
    “I want to see him now. Take me there.”
    “I don’t want you to cause a scene.”
    “I just want to see my son.” She was surprised to hear that her voice was firm and strong. Inside, she was trembling, on the verge of tears. She watched Elmore as he pressed his lips together. In a second he would say “No,” as if she were Stevie’s age.
    “Elmore. Listen to me. I’m sorry this happened. I understand how unhappy you are with me.”
    “It’s not—”
    “No, wait. Let me finish. I think you’re right about a divorce. I will keep Stevie. I will—”
    “No.”
    She continued to talk, slowly, firmly. “You can see him whenever you like. Stevie and I will live at Halcyon House.”
    “With what money?”
    She laughed. “Well, they actually do want me at the World Bank, although I know that amazes you. And I’ll have the money from selling our bookstore and town house.”
    “I don’t want to sell them.”
    “I thought you did. But fine. We’ll get everything appraised and you can pay me my half.”
    “I can’t afford that.”
    “You can make payments. Oh, but we don’t have to talk about it now. I know you’re a little disturbed. There’s Stevie’s school.” She thought a moment. “Maybe you’re right. Let’s not bother the class. Let’s go home. I’ll see him soon.” She turned her face to the open window, hoping that the wind would dry the sweat of her effort from her face before Elmore noticed it.
    Jill
    HOME AGAIN
    May 4
    A COUPLE OF WEEKS after Jill’s release from St. Elizabeth’s and many unpleasant legal