thing: don’t forget
your passport!’ he added, raising his voice a little. Another button popped, revealing a huge belly button. I wondered for a moment –
if anyone got lost in there, would we hear their cries of distress?
As Sienna and I left his office, I wondered how to handle this. It was like a dream come true, but looking too happy would
definitely freak her out, and I was still a bit pissed off that Anthony had dismissed my work. He didn’t even know Sienna that well
and all of a sudden it was like everything revolved around her. He would normally have read my ideas with interest, he was always
encouraging creativity, but now there was something different about the office. The dynamic had shifted.
But still – how should I react to the news of our trip? Being too blasé would just make her feel alienated. I also had to be careful
with my choice of words. Already I had told her how she reminded me of my sister. My sister? God knows why I said that. I think it
was some kind of defence mechanism to push her away because I was worried she didn’t like me.
However, telling her she reminded me of my sister was probably the ultimate sin. Worse than saying she was cross-eyed, bad at
spelling or pigeon-toed (she is none of the above, and even if she were all three I think I would still fancy her).
I have a habit of filling quiet moments with stupid chatter rather than intelligent vocal contributions to society. ‘So, what do you
think?’ I said, turning to face her at the entrance to the main office floor, my hands shaking a little. I thought I’d been nervous before
the meeting, but I was really nervous now. If I did anything stupid, everyone would see.
‘Oh my God, Nick, I’m so excited!’ She started to jump up and down, using my arms as support. Sparks of electricity danced
between us and I felt them. Each and every one. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly tense in her presence and needed to excuse myself.
‘Look, I have to go, got so much to do before tomorrow! Got to clear out the remains of my ex-girlfriend tonight!’ I said
unblinkingly. There was a pause and I noticed her expression had melted from a smile into a look of horror.
‘I mean, erm, not her actual bodily remains – her clothes and stuff . . . Ha ha, got you there!’ I said. Foot-in-mouth syndrome had
taken hold.
She smiled again, but still looked slightly disturbed.
I cleared my throat and exited stage left before I truly hung myself. How was I going to cope with this? I wondered as I ducked
into my office. It was total chaos in there: pens, paper and measuring tools spread across my desk like artist vomit. I set my out-of-
office. It went something like this:
I am out of the office from Thursday 21 April until Monday 25 April.
Please direct any urgent enquiries to
[email protected].
I will answer all other correspondence upon my return.
Thanks.
What it actually should have said was this:
I am out of my mind from now (Thursday 21 April) for the foreseeable future.
Please direct any urgent enquiries somewhere else. I don’t really care where, but don’t bloody well bother me.
Oh, and Amelia – please fuck off and die.
On the way out I walked over to Sienna’s desk. She was typing so fast I feared I might go blind just watching.
‘Sienna?’ I whispered, concerned that I might frighten her to death. She did jump a little. ‘I’m going home now, but I can come
and pick you up in the morning, if you like? I’m not sure what time it’ll be, but I’m guessing it’ll be pretty early.’ I pushed a small
piece of paper her way with my mobile number scrawled on it in black ink.
She looked panicked. I wasn’t surprised, considering I’d almost made myself out to be a girlfriend-murdering nutter.
‘That’s really kind – thank you, Nick. I’ll, er, have a think about it and call you. I’m really looking forward to the fair,’ she added.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Dave, our camp