Read Online This Can't be Life by Shakara Cannon - Free Book Online
Authors: Shakara Cannon
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and uncles didn’t come around now that my father was gone. I later found out he had been taking care of all of them and that they were mad at my mom because she wouldn’t share the money he’d left.
When we moved to Windsor , my mother was always gone. Either she was at one of her boyfriends’ houses or she was locked in her room with one. I was 11-years old and in the sixth grade, taking care of myself. My mother’s parents would come around every now and then but, other than that, I was on my own. Thank God, I never had to worry about money or food, there was plenty of that. She gave me whatever I wanted as long as I stayed out of her way. But if I needed someone to talk to or someone to comfort me when I woke up in the middle of the night, home alone and frightened because I thought I heard footsteps, I was shit out of luck.
Thankfully, when I got to middle school, I met Talise and my whole life changed. I spent the majority of my time at her house where her parents treated me as one of their own. Both Talise and I were the only children born to our parents. The big difference between her parents and mine was that she had a loving mom and dad, who doted on her, to go home to everyday. My circumstances were the complete opposite. God blessed me when he brought Talise and her family into my life. Without them, I don’t know how I would’ve turned out.
When I first met Talise, my self-confidence was nonexistent. I wanted to be invisible so much that, as a young girl, I never looked in the mirror. I didn’t want to see what I looked like. Since my mother barely said more than a couple of words to me while I was growing up, I rarely had a conversation with her like normal people do. So, to say that I had no self-esteem would be an understatement. I never felt pretty and can’t recall ever being told that I was. I knew that I was different than the other kids in my class. I was much taller, way skinnier, and the shade of my skin was always up for ridicule. Throughout elementary and most of middle school, I hated myself, especially my skin tone. During a time when dark skin was considered unattractive and light skin was adored, I was at my lowest. Kids made fun of me daily because my skin was the color of hot chocolate and my legs were bony. That was a painful time for me and, as a child, I had to face it alone.
Before the Miles family came into my life, I just existed, going through life wishing each day was my last. Talise was confident and happy and genuinely wanted to be my friend. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The first day we met, she took me to her house after school. From that point on, I only left when I had to go home and get fresh clothes. My self-esteem grew and my confidence lifted as the Miles family showed me so much love. By the time we hit the 10th grade, I was a force to be reckoned with — I was a fly girl. Mommy Miles would take us to South Coast Plaza where we would shop at Bloomingdales and Saks. Our gear was so fly the chicks didn’t even know where it came from. While they were in the Guess store or shopping at the Fox Hills Mall, we were in Donna Karan and Versace, loving life.
After I graduated from high school, I received my trust fund. I immediately moved out of my mother’s house completely and into the dorms at USC. I rarely spoke to my mother after that, just as it had been when I was growing up. We were practically strangers.
That’s why I couldn’t understand why she was here, acting like she cared so much. She can’t be fake with me. I know how she really is inside; her heart is made of stone and she wouldn’t give a damn if I died. Her being here made me wonder if she had a life insurance policy on me and was coming to see if I just might die. She only cared when she could benefit.
My mother pretended to go find the doctor so he could give her my “prognosis,” but I knew she was really just taking this opportunity to be in the hospital around doctors. If
When we moved to Windsor , my mother was always gone. Either she was at one of her boyfriends’ houses or she was locked in her room with one. I was 11-years old and in the sixth grade, taking care of myself. My mother’s parents would come around every now and then but, other than that, I was on my own. Thank God, I never had to worry about money or food, there was plenty of that. She gave me whatever I wanted as long as I stayed out of her way. But if I needed someone to talk to or someone to comfort me when I woke up in the middle of the night, home alone and frightened because I thought I heard footsteps, I was shit out of luck.
Thankfully, when I got to middle school, I met Talise and my whole life changed. I spent the majority of my time at her house where her parents treated me as one of their own. Both Talise and I were the only children born to our parents. The big difference between her parents and mine was that she had a loving mom and dad, who doted on her, to go home to everyday. My circumstances were the complete opposite. God blessed me when he brought Talise and her family into my life. Without them, I don’t know how I would’ve turned out.
When I first met Talise, my self-confidence was nonexistent. I wanted to be invisible so much that, as a young girl, I never looked in the mirror. I didn’t want to see what I looked like. Since my mother barely said more than a couple of words to me while I was growing up, I rarely had a conversation with her like normal people do. So, to say that I had no self-esteem would be an understatement. I never felt pretty and can’t recall ever being told that I was. I knew that I was different than the other kids in my class. I was much taller, way skinnier, and the shade of my skin was always up for ridicule. Throughout elementary and most of middle school, I hated myself, especially my skin tone. During a time when dark skin was considered unattractive and light skin was adored, I was at my lowest. Kids made fun of me daily because my skin was the color of hot chocolate and my legs were bony. That was a painful time for me and, as a child, I had to face it alone.
Before the Miles family came into my life, I just existed, going through life wishing each day was my last. Talise was confident and happy and genuinely wanted to be my friend. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The first day we met, she took me to her house after school. From that point on, I only left when I had to go home and get fresh clothes. My self-esteem grew and my confidence lifted as the Miles family showed me so much love. By the time we hit the 10th grade, I was a force to be reckoned with — I was a fly girl. Mommy Miles would take us to South Coast Plaza where we would shop at Bloomingdales and Saks. Our gear was so fly the chicks didn’t even know where it came from. While they were in the Guess store or shopping at the Fox Hills Mall, we were in Donna Karan and Versace, loving life.
After I graduated from high school, I received my trust fund. I immediately moved out of my mother’s house completely and into the dorms at USC. I rarely spoke to my mother after that, just as it had been when I was growing up. We were practically strangers.
That’s why I couldn’t understand why she was here, acting like she cared so much. She can’t be fake with me. I know how she really is inside; her heart is made of stone and she wouldn’t give a damn if I died. Her being here made me wonder if she had a life insurance policy on me and was coming to see if I just might die. She only cared when she could benefit.
My mother pretended to go find the doctor so he could give her my “prognosis,” but I knew she was really just taking this opportunity to be in the hospital around doctors. If
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