Read Online The Zombie Survival Guide: How To Live Like A King After The Outbreak by Etienne DeForest, Art Gelsinger - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Etienne DeForest, Art Gelsinger
Ads: Link
examples of zombie stupidity out there, enough to fill another book! But lest I ruin it for the readers, may I suggest you look no further than FOX, CNN, or MSNBC during any minute of any hour of any day.
Zombie Sociology
Zombies tend to travel in packs. The cursed souls always seem to congregate and roam together for some reason, slowly growing in numbers as they encounter each other, a phenomena that rather resembles the behavior of NASCAR fans. They never actually shrink in numbers unless some good Samaritan humanely assists them with the use of a deadly weapon. Otherwise, they just keep right on multiplying into a legion of brain-dead goons.
Why they behave in this manner is unknown. As far as anyone has ever been able to tell, there is never any kind of zombie leader among the congregations. Some theorize that they communicate the same way ants do, by way of pheromones, but even this seems unlikely, as there would most likely be some kind of observable pecking order in their interactions.
When an ant detects food, it releases a certain amount of pheromone directly related to the amount of food it detects. Therefore, if an ant detects a large amount of food, it will release a large amount of pheromone, rapidly attracting multitudes of its cohorts. All of the other ants follow whichever one is emitting the strongest pheromone signal (and is therefore closest to dinner).
As unlikely as it sounds, this would explain the phenomena of hordes of zombies suddenly appearing all at once, or slowly growing into a horde when at first there were only a few. As other zombies pick up on the feeding pheromones being released by those that have already established the presence of fresh brains in the area, more and more of them will be attracted to that location, and the more of them that show up, the stronger the pheromone signal becomes, until you have a regular Lilith Fair on your hands! Only these concertgoers aren’t there to see Sarah Mclachlan or feast upon mountains of unwashed muff. They are only there to mosh to the rhythm of their own zombo-mambo and crowd surf right into your brains!
I know, it sounds crazy, but to date this is the most commonly accepted theory. Honestly, are you really all that surprised?
Regardless of its actual veracity, you should use this information to your advantage. If you see a zombie or two, exterminate them with the quickness and then (this should be second nature to you by now) burn the bodies. It is unknown how long zombies will excrete these chemicals after death, but some say that when in close proximity to humans, their glands will remain hyperactive for several hours even after being de-animated.
It is probably safe to assume that the presence of even a single zombie indicates that a whole gang of face-eaters have picked up your scent. Spray your whole crew with skunk essence or whatever else is available, and distribute the odor in a 100 foot radius from the center of your hideout as well.
Alert the night watch to heighten their awareness with whatever speed or cocaine is left, as these zombie scouts may have enlightened a whole swarm of undead to your whereabouts with their goddamned pheromones.
If you do find yourself suddenly confronted by a zombie horde (they can team up on you quick), be smart – conserve ammo and do not attack. It is probably too late to do anything but retreat, that is if they don’t already have you surrounded. By now other zombie swarms are likely privy to your location and advancing upon your stronghold as well. There is no stopping a zombie advance of this magnitude, as it never stops, unless you happen to have a spare nuclear warhead lying around, which will no doubt kill you as well as your enemies. No, they will just keep coming and coming in waves that will eventually break through your defenses, turning you into the monster you fought so hard to defeat, and furthering the cycle of infection.
If you are
Zombie Sociology
Zombies tend to travel in packs. The cursed souls always seem to congregate and roam together for some reason, slowly growing in numbers as they encounter each other, a phenomena that rather resembles the behavior of NASCAR fans. They never actually shrink in numbers unless some good Samaritan humanely assists them with the use of a deadly weapon. Otherwise, they just keep right on multiplying into a legion of brain-dead goons.
Why they behave in this manner is unknown. As far as anyone has ever been able to tell, there is never any kind of zombie leader among the congregations. Some theorize that they communicate the same way ants do, by way of pheromones, but even this seems unlikely, as there would most likely be some kind of observable pecking order in their interactions.
When an ant detects food, it releases a certain amount of pheromone directly related to the amount of food it detects. Therefore, if an ant detects a large amount of food, it will release a large amount of pheromone, rapidly attracting multitudes of its cohorts. All of the other ants follow whichever one is emitting the strongest pheromone signal (and is therefore closest to dinner).
As unlikely as it sounds, this would explain the phenomena of hordes of zombies suddenly appearing all at once, or slowly growing into a horde when at first there were only a few. As other zombies pick up on the feeding pheromones being released by those that have already established the presence of fresh brains in the area, more and more of them will be attracted to that location, and the more of them that show up, the stronger the pheromone signal becomes, until you have a regular Lilith Fair on your hands! Only these concertgoers aren’t there to see Sarah Mclachlan or feast upon mountains of unwashed muff. They are only there to mosh to the rhythm of their own zombo-mambo and crowd surf right into your brains!
I know, it sounds crazy, but to date this is the most commonly accepted theory. Honestly, are you really all that surprised?
Regardless of its actual veracity, you should use this information to your advantage. If you see a zombie or two, exterminate them with the quickness and then (this should be second nature to you by now) burn the bodies. It is unknown how long zombies will excrete these chemicals after death, but some say that when in close proximity to humans, their glands will remain hyperactive for several hours even after being de-animated.
It is probably safe to assume that the presence of even a single zombie indicates that a whole gang of face-eaters have picked up your scent. Spray your whole crew with skunk essence or whatever else is available, and distribute the odor in a 100 foot radius from the center of your hideout as well.
Alert the night watch to heighten their awareness with whatever speed or cocaine is left, as these zombie scouts may have enlightened a whole swarm of undead to your whereabouts with their goddamned pheromones.
If you do find yourself suddenly confronted by a zombie horde (they can team up on you quick), be smart – conserve ammo and do not attack. It is probably too late to do anything but retreat, that is if they don’t already have you surrounded. By now other zombie swarms are likely privy to your location and advancing upon your stronghold as well. There is no stopping a zombie advance of this magnitude, as it never stops, unless you happen to have a spare nuclear warhead lying around, which will no doubt kill you as well as your enemies. No, they will just keep coming and coming in waves that will eventually break through your defenses, turning you into the monster you fought so hard to defeat, and furthering the cycle of infection.
If you are
Similar Books
