Read Online The Youth & Young Loves of Oliver Wade: Stories by Ben Monopoli - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Ben Monopoli
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in the clear-cut bullshit of textbooks—and
I was able to get through my junior-year finals cleanly enough to get Mr. Bowen
off my back. But still most nights I was fighting through the busy signals and
stalking my buddy list like a brokenhearted ghost. Boyd’s name no longer
bounced but seemed flattened from a weight I could not lift.
Boydyboy: why are you still online? its so late ugh
OwOw0: what else am i Going to do?
Boydyboy: how about ANYTHING ELSE.
OwOw0: whatever. Are you going to the end of year talent show thing
tomorrow?
Boydyboy: Fuck no. it’s the last day of school, i’m not even going in, i’ll be long gone already. are
you?
OwOw0: ......they’re usually pretty cool but if you’re not going i don’t really have anyone to sit with!
Boydyboy: it’s all singing. you would want to go to something like
that hahaha .
OwOw0: so you don’t want to go?
Boydyboy: Nope.
OwOw0: OK.
Boydyboy: but that reminds me. there’s soemthing i want to tell you Ollie.
Even though I was tired I felt myself pop to full
alertness. After all these awkward months, he still had me—even when I
was confident he was only teasing.
OwOw0: you always want to tell me something. what is it now?
Boydyboy: it involves.... homosexuality.......... :-/
Still he could make my pulse pound. And feel quiet at the
same time. It had taken all year but now here we were, the last day before
summer, and I was ready. I wouldn’t lie again. I held out my hands. They weren’t
shaking. I typed.
OwOw0: I’m here Boyd.
Boydyboy: Someone you like is gay.
OwOw0: Is it who I think it is?.....
Boydyboy: Maybe. you might already know who.
OwOw0: i might have known for a while.........
Boydyboy: It’s Michael Stipe your precious fucking REM god.
I looked at the screen with my eyes squinted and, like
coming out of darkness into light, I knew that in spite of what we had always
been, in spite of what we may have almost become, Boyd and I were nothing now.
OwOw0: shut up.
Boydyboy: he’s a giant fag. i thought you
knew. I thought that’s why you were so in love with him. hehehehehe .
OwOw0: I only have the CDs.
Boydyboy: well he’s gay. It’s public, he admits it. What do you
have to say about that?
OwOw0: Your lying.
Boydyboy: whatever, sure i am. search for
his name on the web and youll see for yourself.
OwOw0: no.......
Boydyboy: Are you still going to listen to him now that he’s gay...
OwOw0: well i still listen to you and you’re
a giant fucking faggot right?
Boydyboy: fuck you faggot................... I’m going to fucking
block you now before you say something you’ll regret.
He did, too. He beat me to it.
***
That summer I got a job cleaning oil pans at the auto-body
place in the center of town. With my first few paychecks I bought a weight
bench and set it up in our basement. I spent hours every night that summer
lifting weights and listening to R.E.M. At least something Boyd had told me was
true: my rock-god idol Michael Stipe was a gay man, and had been out for a
while; I’d never known. Songs that had only pulled at my heartstrings before
now made me cry, because now they were more for me than they’d ever been. I
wanted to be like him. I wanted to be proud, and confident, and bold. I would’ve
settled for being not so afraid.
Lifting weights was a good excuse to be alone, and before
long I had something to show for it. I put on muscle easily, and the ticks I’d
always had with things like numbers and lines lent themselves well to lifting.
Every quarter inch my chest grew felt like a fuck-you to Boyd and to anyone
else who would call me a fag.
At night after leaving the bench I would crawl up the stairs
to my bedroom and go online (my parents had finally installed my own line). I
would look at porn, I would go in anonymous chatrooms and talk to anonymous men. I would watch my buddy list, too. I had long since
unblocked Boyd, but since his name never
I was able to get through my junior-year finals cleanly enough to get Mr. Bowen
off my back. But still most nights I was fighting through the busy signals and
stalking my buddy list like a brokenhearted ghost. Boyd’s name no longer
bounced but seemed flattened from a weight I could not lift.
Boydyboy: why are you still online? its so late ugh
OwOw0: what else am i Going to do?
Boydyboy: how about ANYTHING ELSE.
OwOw0: whatever. Are you going to the end of year talent show thing
tomorrow?
Boydyboy: Fuck no. it’s the last day of school, i’m not even going in, i’ll be long gone already. are
you?
OwOw0: ......they’re usually pretty cool but if you’re not going i don’t really have anyone to sit with!
Boydyboy: it’s all singing. you would want to go to something like
that hahaha .
OwOw0: so you don’t want to go?
Boydyboy: Nope.
OwOw0: OK.
Boydyboy: but that reminds me. there’s soemthing i want to tell you Ollie.
Even though I was tired I felt myself pop to full
alertness. After all these awkward months, he still had me—even when I
was confident he was only teasing.
OwOw0: you always want to tell me something. what is it now?
Boydyboy: it involves.... homosexuality.......... :-/
Still he could make my pulse pound. And feel quiet at the
same time. It had taken all year but now here we were, the last day before
summer, and I was ready. I wouldn’t lie again. I held out my hands. They weren’t
shaking. I typed.
OwOw0: I’m here Boyd.
Boydyboy: Someone you like is gay.
OwOw0: Is it who I think it is?.....
Boydyboy: Maybe. you might already know who.
OwOw0: i might have known for a while.........
Boydyboy: It’s Michael Stipe your precious fucking REM god.
I looked at the screen with my eyes squinted and, like
coming out of darkness into light, I knew that in spite of what we had always
been, in spite of what we may have almost become, Boyd and I were nothing now.
OwOw0: shut up.
Boydyboy: he’s a giant fag. i thought you
knew. I thought that’s why you were so in love with him. hehehehehe .
OwOw0: I only have the CDs.
Boydyboy: well he’s gay. It’s public, he admits it. What do you
have to say about that?
OwOw0: Your lying.
Boydyboy: whatever, sure i am. search for
his name on the web and youll see for yourself.
OwOw0: no.......
Boydyboy: Are you still going to listen to him now that he’s gay...
OwOw0: well i still listen to you and you’re
a giant fucking faggot right?
Boydyboy: fuck you faggot................... I’m going to fucking
block you now before you say something you’ll regret.
He did, too. He beat me to it.
***
That summer I got a job cleaning oil pans at the auto-body
place in the center of town. With my first few paychecks I bought a weight
bench and set it up in our basement. I spent hours every night that summer
lifting weights and listening to R.E.M. At least something Boyd had told me was
true: my rock-god idol Michael Stipe was a gay man, and had been out for a
while; I’d never known. Songs that had only pulled at my heartstrings before
now made me cry, because now they were more for me than they’d ever been. I
wanted to be like him. I wanted to be proud, and confident, and bold. I would’ve
settled for being not so afraid.
Lifting weights was a good excuse to be alone, and before
long I had something to show for it. I put on muscle easily, and the ticks I’d
always had with things like numbers and lines lent themselves well to lifting.
Every quarter inch my chest grew felt like a fuck-you to Boyd and to anyone
else who would call me a fag.
At night after leaving the bench I would crawl up the stairs
to my bedroom and go online (my parents had finally installed my own line). I
would look at porn, I would go in anonymous chatrooms and talk to anonymous men. I would watch my buddy list, too. I had long since
unblocked Boyd, but since his name never
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