Read Online The Yellow Papers by Dominique Wilson - Free Book Online

would come – as it always did – that it was all useless. What would a woman as beautiful as Sahira want with someone like him? He was a nobody – no, worse than a nobody. He had an education that he couldn’t use, a motherland he could never return to, a new country that would never see him as anything more than alien, never to be trusted and forever viewed with suspicion. And they were right, for he was also a murderer. He remembered how old Wang had warned him about the barbarians, as he’d called all Westerners. What would the old man say if he knew that Chen Mu was now the barbarian?
    That evening he went as usual to the river, to swim and wash off the dust of the day. But neither the sounds of the bush nor the coolness of the water on his naked body could lift his mood. He floated on his back, letting the water carry him downstream to where the river became shallow. He imagined Sahira back at the house, helping prepare the servants’ dinner – with the Master gone and the Mistress ill in bed, Miss Victoria’s governess would eat in the nursery with her charge, so Sahira wouldn’t have to set up the dining room nor wait on anyone.
    He swam back against the gentle current to the deeper hole. There he trod water for a while and watched the banks. Dragonflies and mosquitoes hovered, and a rainbow trout jumped to feed, its scales a momentary flash of colour reflecting the evening sun. A brown snake slithered into the water and he watched it as it swam to the opposite bank, its head just breaking the surface. The gleam of its still wet body as it disappeared into the bush reminded Chen Mu of Sahira, on those hot afternoons when perspiration polished her skin to a soft burnt umber glow. But who was he kidding? Even if she were interested in him, could he ever have a serious relationship, knowing that at any time he could be arrested? Sahira was so pure, so innocent. So honest . Could he live the lie with her?
    With a groan of frustration he dived below the surface and swam until it felt as if his lungs would burst. He surfaced then dived once more until he reached the bottom, kicked off and let himself glide through the swirls of muddy water and weeds. He broke the surface and turned onto his back, closed his eyes and floated, this time allowing his mind to be soothed by the gentle lapping of the water on his body as he drifted downstream once more.
    He felt her presence and denied its possibility, but it insisted. Still he refused to open his eyes, unwilling to face the disappointment of reality. For just a moment he wanted to imagine her here, floating beside him.
    Her fingers trailed burning patterns on his belly and he felt himself swell in spite of the cold water, but still he didn’t open his eyes. He wanted this moment to last forever. He knew he must be dreaming. Her fingers traced little snail-trails on his belly, slowly working down towards his groin, and instinctively he thrust his hips slowly back and forth.
    Sahira laughed and pushed his head under water.
    Chen Mu kicked to the surface and spluttered, flaccid and angry, his fantasy shattered. She laughed once more. Anger turned to embarrassment. He swam towards the bank.
    â€˜Mu, wait! I’m sorry, Mu! Please wait …’
    Chen Mu looked around for his clothes. He had to get away from her, from her laughter, from his shame. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest. He could feel her breasts, her belly pressing against his back through her thin chemise.
    â€˜Mu, I’m sorry … I shouldn’t have laughed. But it did look funny …’
    He could still hear the laughter in her voice and so denied the warmth of her wet skin against his.
    â€˜What did?’
    â€˜Your … well, it looked like a little fish trying to catch insects, bobbing in and out of the water like that.’
    Above them a kookaburra laughed and Sahira suppressed a giggle.
    He tensed even further, pulling