and it’s cheaper tae boot, seeing as it’s manufactured here, in oor ain factory. Aw caskets will be made ae this in the next few years, including the smeltered wans.”
“Aye, bit whit is it?” Helen continued.
“Ah’m no meaning tae sound technical here, hen, bit if ye kin imagine taking a pile ae sawdust and mixing it wae special glue before rolling it intae big thin sheets, then laminating it...that’s sticking it thegither tae you and me...wae the type ae wood effect ye want. That then forms the basis ae the construction material, so it dis. Ah wid defy anywan tae tell me the difference between wan ae them and a solid wooden casket, so Ah wid.”
“So, insteid ae being paper-mache, like the wans we saw first, these wans ur...er...technically speaking...sawdust then?” Helen asked.
“Aye, er, well, the cost implications tae the bereaved ur much lower than this next wan,” Oliver said, guiding Issie forward subtly and smoothly, before Helen could come back at him.
“Oh, Helen, Joe wid absolutely love this wan, so he wid,” Issie sobbed loudly, knees starting tae wobble as she clasped her hauns o’er her mooth.
“Aye, ye’d need tae go a long way tae pick up a better example ae the finest craftsmanship than The Apollo Maple, Mrs McManus, so ye wid.”
“Whit? It’s real Maple?” Issie asked him in wonder.
“Er, naw, no quite maple, bit jist as solid. This is yer finest white pine, aw the way fae Canada where maple comes fae. It’s goat everything ye’d want in a casket and mair. Real horse hair stuffing in the padding, bleached Shanghai brushed white cotton tae ensure there ur nae imperfections before being dyed in a choice ae nine different colours, split lid fur showing while lying at rest and bush brass fixtures wae deidlock hinges oan the tap end tae stoap any accidents, should family and friends get too emotional and start tae lean intae the coffin in distress. It wid surprise ye how many people hiv ended up wae the back ae their heids cracked open when the tap hauf ae the split lid his crashed doon oan tap ae them.
Issie hid that dangerously impressed look oan her face that wis aw too familiar tae Helen and which hid wreaked havoc fur maist ae the wummin in Glesga throughoot their married lives. The bug wis the scourge ae everywan she knew, and usually led tae a warrant sale and the debtors’ court.
“Bit, er, Issie, wid we no be better looking at the other wans again, jist tae make sure ye’re getting whit you and Tam kin afford?” Helen choked, panic rising in her voice.
“Oh, we hid a stoating wee deal that jist finished last week, bit seeing as it’s Christmas, Ah think we’d get away wae extending it tae yersel, hen, jist this wance. This wid include oor special Lift Aff range ae favourable payment plan options, tae ease the pain ae yer loss,” Ollie Hardy cooed as Stan’s Adam’s apple shot up and doon that neck ae his like a tennis baw oan heat.
“Ah’ll take it!” Issie beamed.
Chapter Ten
Helen wis kicking hersel as she sat oan the bus wae Issie, heiding back up the road. How could she hiv been so bloody stupid? Why the hell hid she no jist butted in, before they’d goat tae the expensive coffins. Poor Issie.
“Oh, Helen, Ah only wish Joe could be here tae see that lovely coffin we goat him.”
“Aye, it's a beauty, so it is, bit Ah’m worried aboot how the hell you and Tam ur gonnae be able tae pay fur it, Issie,” Helen said gently.
“Ach, the NAB will help, so they will.”
“Issie, the NAB will only gie ye a hunner and twenty quid towards the costs ae the funeral, so they will. Yer total bill fur everything is o’er three hunner and that’s no including the minister. Ur ye sure ye want a minister and no a priest?”
“Aye, Ah’m finished wae they bloody priests. Ah’ll ask
“Aye, bit whit is it?” Helen continued.
“Ah’m no meaning tae sound technical here, hen, bit if ye kin imagine taking a pile ae sawdust and mixing it wae special glue before rolling it intae big thin sheets, then laminating it...that’s sticking it thegither tae you and me...wae the type ae wood effect ye want. That then forms the basis ae the construction material, so it dis. Ah wid defy anywan tae tell me the difference between wan ae them and a solid wooden casket, so Ah wid.”
“So, insteid ae being paper-mache, like the wans we saw first, these wans ur...er...technically speaking...sawdust then?” Helen asked.
“Aye, er, well, the cost implications tae the bereaved ur much lower than this next wan,” Oliver said, guiding Issie forward subtly and smoothly, before Helen could come back at him.
“Oh, Helen, Joe wid absolutely love this wan, so he wid,” Issie sobbed loudly, knees starting tae wobble as she clasped her hauns o’er her mooth.
“Aye, ye’d need tae go a long way tae pick up a better example ae the finest craftsmanship than The Apollo Maple, Mrs McManus, so ye wid.”
“Whit? It’s real Maple?” Issie asked him in wonder.
“Er, naw, no quite maple, bit jist as solid. This is yer finest white pine, aw the way fae Canada where maple comes fae. It’s goat everything ye’d want in a casket and mair. Real horse hair stuffing in the padding, bleached Shanghai brushed white cotton tae ensure there ur nae imperfections before being dyed in a choice ae nine different colours, split lid fur showing while lying at rest and bush brass fixtures wae deidlock hinges oan the tap end tae stoap any accidents, should family and friends get too emotional and start tae lean intae the coffin in distress. It wid surprise ye how many people hiv ended up wae the back ae their heids cracked open when the tap hauf ae the split lid his crashed doon oan tap ae them.
Issie hid that dangerously impressed look oan her face that wis aw too familiar tae Helen and which hid wreaked havoc fur maist ae the wummin in Glesga throughoot their married lives. The bug wis the scourge ae everywan she knew, and usually led tae a warrant sale and the debtors’ court.
“Bit, er, Issie, wid we no be better looking at the other wans again, jist tae make sure ye’re getting whit you and Tam kin afford?” Helen choked, panic rising in her voice.
“Oh, we hid a stoating wee deal that jist finished last week, bit seeing as it’s Christmas, Ah think we’d get away wae extending it tae yersel, hen, jist this wance. This wid include oor special Lift Aff range ae favourable payment plan options, tae ease the pain ae yer loss,” Ollie Hardy cooed as Stan’s Adam’s apple shot up and doon that neck ae his like a tennis baw oan heat.
“Ah’ll take it!” Issie beamed.
Chapter Ten
Helen wis kicking hersel as she sat oan the bus wae Issie, heiding back up the road. How could she hiv been so bloody stupid? Why the hell hid she no jist butted in, before they’d goat tae the expensive coffins. Poor Issie.
“Oh, Helen, Ah only wish Joe could be here tae see that lovely coffin we goat him.”
“Aye, it's a beauty, so it is, bit Ah’m worried aboot how the hell you and Tam ur gonnae be able tae pay fur it, Issie,” Helen said gently.
“Ach, the NAB will help, so they will.”
“Issie, the NAB will only gie ye a hunner and twenty quid towards the costs ae the funeral, so they will. Yer total bill fur everything is o’er three hunner and that’s no including the minister. Ur ye sure ye want a minister and no a priest?”
“Aye, Ah’m finished wae they bloody priests. Ah’ll ask
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