Read Online The Wormwood Code by Douglas Lindsay - Free Book Online
Authors: Douglas Lindsay
Ads: Link
the PM's inner circle; although more in an agony aunt kind of position rather than in a policy making capacity. The PM had thought that the Eye might give him a different perspective on things. Had also thought that going amongst the public in central London might be a bit of an election coup, but of course everyone had just been hacked off at him for taking up an entire capsule on the Eye, with his security guys on the one before and the one after, and most of the people there had of course been foreign tourists anyway.
The four men in the capsule were waiting for the PM to start any discussion. Thackeray had tried as soon as they'd moved off, but the PM had been distracted and had talked excitedly about the vision which the Eye afforded them and how it was a wonderful corollary for his government and the vision which it had brought to the country. Thackeray had shut up, they had allowed the PM to grandstand for a while, and then he had talked even himself into silence. Now, as they reached the apex of the loop, a melancholy had descended upon them, as they looked out over London in all its grey, low-rise ordinariness. From up here it looked vast and unremarkable, but had that silent beauty of any of the great cities. Barney glanced at the PM, recognised the feeling of gloom which had begun to dominate his meetings with him. Could tell the man wasn't happy, wasn't enjoying the campaign. Would probably have been more upbeat with more of a fight.
'What d'you think about God?' the PM suddenly threw out into the capsule.
Thackeray and Williams glanced at each other, and immediately decided that this was one which was probably aimed at Barney in any case.
'Arf,' said Igor.
The PM nodded. Even he was beginning to get a handle on Igor's monosyllabic utterances, which contained so much in such a short bark.
'It's absurd, isn't it?' the PM began, looking down at the river. 'Most of the British public don't believe in God, couldn't give a stuff. No one goes to church anymore, the media don't even pay religion lip service. The only aspects of religion that a majority of the country actually care about are The Da Vinci Code and the architecture, but just imagine.' He looked at them intently, demanding attention. 'Just imagine I gave a press conference and said just that, said that I thought the whole God thing was a load of crap. We live in a world of natural selection, with no outside influence whatsoever. God? I mean, please. But can I say that? Just imagine the stink. Jesus, they'd be all over me like a viral infection.' He looked around the four men. None of them had anything to say. Belief in God aside, he wasn't wrong after all.
'Liar?' he said. 'The Undead Bastard calls me a liar. But if I am, it's the media which makes me one, with their fucking piety. Imagine, you know, imagine I suggested that God was indicted by the War Crimes Tribunal in the Hague for mass genocide after the Noah's Ark debacle. What then? D'you think I'd get decent press? I don't think so.'
They looked at him a little curiously. There are tangents and there are tangents. The Eye lumbered on. The PM burbled away.
'But, you know, if they came to me and said, do you believe in the story of Noah's Ark, what am I supposed to say? If I say I don't, they'd crucify me. If I say I do, then I'm in a position of having to justify mass genocide, and why we're chasing Karadic and Mladic but not the Lord. It's a tough one, don't you think?'
'All I can say, Prime Minister,' said Williams, to break his flow, 'is that I'm glad Paxman didn't bring up the subject if you're going to talk like that.'
'I have genuine angst about this,' said the PM.
'Noah's Ark?' asked Barney.
'Yes,' said the PM. 'I mean, what if people start talking about it?'
He looked at them, searching their faces for some sort of help with his internal angst.
'What if the politically correct brigade start to ask questions about why this tale of mass slaughter is taught in Sunday schools and in
The four men in the capsule were waiting for the PM to start any discussion. Thackeray had tried as soon as they'd moved off, but the PM had been distracted and had talked excitedly about the vision which the Eye afforded them and how it was a wonderful corollary for his government and the vision which it had brought to the country. Thackeray had shut up, they had allowed the PM to grandstand for a while, and then he had talked even himself into silence. Now, as they reached the apex of the loop, a melancholy had descended upon them, as they looked out over London in all its grey, low-rise ordinariness. From up here it looked vast and unremarkable, but had that silent beauty of any of the great cities. Barney glanced at the PM, recognised the feeling of gloom which had begun to dominate his meetings with him. Could tell the man wasn't happy, wasn't enjoying the campaign. Would probably have been more upbeat with more of a fight.
'What d'you think about God?' the PM suddenly threw out into the capsule.
Thackeray and Williams glanced at each other, and immediately decided that this was one which was probably aimed at Barney in any case.
'Arf,' said Igor.
The PM nodded. Even he was beginning to get a handle on Igor's monosyllabic utterances, which contained so much in such a short bark.
'It's absurd, isn't it?' the PM began, looking down at the river. 'Most of the British public don't believe in God, couldn't give a stuff. No one goes to church anymore, the media don't even pay religion lip service. The only aspects of religion that a majority of the country actually care about are The Da Vinci Code and the architecture, but just imagine.' He looked at them intently, demanding attention. 'Just imagine I gave a press conference and said just that, said that I thought the whole God thing was a load of crap. We live in a world of natural selection, with no outside influence whatsoever. God? I mean, please. But can I say that? Just imagine the stink. Jesus, they'd be all over me like a viral infection.' He looked around the four men. None of them had anything to say. Belief in God aside, he wasn't wrong after all.
'Liar?' he said. 'The Undead Bastard calls me a liar. But if I am, it's the media which makes me one, with their fucking piety. Imagine, you know, imagine I suggested that God was indicted by the War Crimes Tribunal in the Hague for mass genocide after the Noah's Ark debacle. What then? D'you think I'd get decent press? I don't think so.'
They looked at him a little curiously. There are tangents and there are tangents. The Eye lumbered on. The PM burbled away.
'But, you know, if they came to me and said, do you believe in the story of Noah's Ark, what am I supposed to say? If I say I don't, they'd crucify me. If I say I do, then I'm in a position of having to justify mass genocide, and why we're chasing Karadic and Mladic but not the Lord. It's a tough one, don't you think?'
'All I can say, Prime Minister,' said Williams, to break his flow, 'is that I'm glad Paxman didn't bring up the subject if you're going to talk like that.'
'I have genuine angst about this,' said the PM.
'Noah's Ark?' asked Barney.
'Yes,' said the PM. 'I mean, what if people start talking about it?'
He looked at them, searching their faces for some sort of help with his internal angst.
'What if the politically correct brigade start to ask questions about why this tale of mass slaughter is taught in Sunday schools and in
Similar Books
It's Always Darkest Before the Fridge Door Opens: Enjoying the Fruits of Middle Age
Phil Callaway, Martha O. Bolton
