Read Online The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman - Free Book Online
Authors: Felice Newman
Tags: Social Science, Reference, Self-Help, Health & Fitness, Sexual Instruction, Sexuality, Lesbian Studies, Personal & Practical Guides
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finally admitting that my sexuality (or at least how I express it) is changing as I get older. That my desires are getting more interesting as my physical sensations are changing. I’ve become more diffuse. I find more aspects of women—and myself—erotic. It’s less about this act or that act, more about nerves and skin…it’s just more.
How do our sexualities evolve as we get older? What is the relationship between fluctuating hormone levels in midlife and sexual energy? How do hormonal changes affect blood flow and genital engorgement? Nipple sensitivity? Clitoral sensitivity? Overall skin sensitivity?
Some women experience reduced sensitivity to stimulation and difficulty reaching orgasm:
Yes, the older I get, the harder it is for me to have orgasms. I also don’t think they are as strong or satisfying as they used to be.
Others report just the opposite—intensified sensitivity and stronger orgasms:
My breasts are very sensitive, more so now that I’m going through menopause. I like fingers, but gently, and it can’t go on for too long or it starts to irritate me.
How much of libido is hormonal, anyway? Many women do experience a drop in libido during menopause—though many do not. One study followed 326 women aged 35 to 47 for four years. Less than a third reported decreased libido. 25
Hormones aren’t alone in influencing sexual energy during perimenopause and menopause. The editors of Power Surge ( www.Power-Surge.com ) report: “A drop in libido at this time in a woman’s life may be due in part to physical changes that can occur at menopause, including hormone changes, changes in vaginal tissue and lubrication, fatigue, sleep disturbances, hot flashes, night sweats, and increasing general health concerns. Mental and emotional contributors include stress, changes in body image, relationship issues, and changes in sexual expectations.” 26
When the challenges to libido are so complex—and interconnected with such complexity—what can you do? There are some factors you can suss out: You can have your thyroid tested (unrelated to menopause, but an easy problem to rule out). You can get a blood workup and check your hormone levels. You may discover a hormonal deficiency.
But it’s unlikely you’ll be able to trace your lowered libido, difficulty reaching orgasm, or other sexual concern to a single cause. Instead, focus your attention on ways to sustain and support your sexual well-being. And there are many:
• Masturbate—often, daily if possible. Frequent sexual stimulation will help keep your libido going. Susun S. Weed writes, “My Rx for low libido is 7 orgasms a week, whether you feel like it or not. You can do one a day or all in one day. Continue for at least 3 months.” 27
• Keep a sexuality journal. Track your erotic highs and lows. How often do you masturbate? Have you noticed changes in sensation? Orgasm? In your fantasies?
• Talk to your partner. One woman wrote, “I had a hot flash during sex about a week ago and I was embarrassed (not sure why), but I still had a wonderful time. I think being with a woman who’s close to me in age helps. Just talking about it helps.”
• Make sure you are well aroused before vaginal penetration. You may notice that you are slower to lubricate or that your vaginal walls are more sensitive.
• Use lube. Magazine articles aimed at women in midlife often recommend commercial products for “vaginal dryness.” Some of these may contain ingredients that “lower the pH of the vagina, which helps prevent overgrowth of bacteria in vagina,” 28 but your favorite lube will do just as well.
• You can address vaginal dryness with herbal remedies. Carol Leonard, of the Feminist Women’s Health Center, recommends Vitamin E, motherwort, and natural progesterone cream made from wild yam roots. She, too, recommends lube (she offers recipes for “natural” homemade concoctions) along with drinking two quarts of water a day. She also cautions
How do our sexualities evolve as we get older? What is the relationship between fluctuating hormone levels in midlife and sexual energy? How do hormonal changes affect blood flow and genital engorgement? Nipple sensitivity? Clitoral sensitivity? Overall skin sensitivity?
Some women experience reduced sensitivity to stimulation and difficulty reaching orgasm:
Yes, the older I get, the harder it is for me to have orgasms. I also don’t think they are as strong or satisfying as they used to be.
Others report just the opposite—intensified sensitivity and stronger orgasms:
My breasts are very sensitive, more so now that I’m going through menopause. I like fingers, but gently, and it can’t go on for too long or it starts to irritate me.
How much of libido is hormonal, anyway? Many women do experience a drop in libido during menopause—though many do not. One study followed 326 women aged 35 to 47 for four years. Less than a third reported decreased libido. 25
Hormones aren’t alone in influencing sexual energy during perimenopause and menopause. The editors of Power Surge ( www.Power-Surge.com ) report: “A drop in libido at this time in a woman’s life may be due in part to physical changes that can occur at menopause, including hormone changes, changes in vaginal tissue and lubrication, fatigue, sleep disturbances, hot flashes, night sweats, and increasing general health concerns. Mental and emotional contributors include stress, changes in body image, relationship issues, and changes in sexual expectations.” 26
When the challenges to libido are so complex—and interconnected with such complexity—what can you do? There are some factors you can suss out: You can have your thyroid tested (unrelated to menopause, but an easy problem to rule out). You can get a blood workup and check your hormone levels. You may discover a hormonal deficiency.
But it’s unlikely you’ll be able to trace your lowered libido, difficulty reaching orgasm, or other sexual concern to a single cause. Instead, focus your attention on ways to sustain and support your sexual well-being. And there are many:
• Masturbate—often, daily if possible. Frequent sexual stimulation will help keep your libido going. Susun S. Weed writes, “My Rx for low libido is 7 orgasms a week, whether you feel like it or not. You can do one a day or all in one day. Continue for at least 3 months.” 27
• Keep a sexuality journal. Track your erotic highs and lows. How often do you masturbate? Have you noticed changes in sensation? Orgasm? In your fantasies?
• Talk to your partner. One woman wrote, “I had a hot flash during sex about a week ago and I was embarrassed (not sure why), but I still had a wonderful time. I think being with a woman who’s close to me in age helps. Just talking about it helps.”
• Make sure you are well aroused before vaginal penetration. You may notice that you are slower to lubricate or that your vaginal walls are more sensitive.
• Use lube. Magazine articles aimed at women in midlife often recommend commercial products for “vaginal dryness.” Some of these may contain ingredients that “lower the pH of the vagina, which helps prevent overgrowth of bacteria in vagina,” 28 but your favorite lube will do just as well.
• You can address vaginal dryness with herbal remedies. Carol Leonard, of the Feminist Women’s Health Center, recommends Vitamin E, motherwort, and natural progesterone cream made from wild yam roots. She, too, recommends lube (she offers recipes for “natural” homemade concoctions) along with drinking two quarts of water a day. She also cautions
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