tape undermined Americans’ faith in government, and that he would spearhead an effort to eliminate waste, fraud, and abuse. Once he had restored Americans’ faith in the competence and judgment ofthose who govern them, they would then embrace a muscular, activist role for government in areas like health care.
“Wait a minute …” Wilkins said, looking around the conference room within the Old Executive Office Building. “I’ve been in this room before.”
Woodrow Wilson’s portrait had replaced that of Calvin Coolidge, and Jack Kennedy had replaced Dwight Eisenhower. Wilkins and Humphrey were awaiting the arrival of the vice president and his team, a meeting that represented their last shot at removing themselves from the REGO chopping block.
With only a slight whirring of his mechanical joints and the hum of the powerful computer within his cranium almost entirely inaudible, Vice President Al Gore entered and activated “Reinventing Government Explanatory Monologue 46-C.” He concluded:
“And that. My friends. Is why we. Are strongly considering. Reassigning the duties. Of this agency. To the Bureau of Agricultural. Resource Management. Rest assured. All efforts will be made. To minimize disruption. And you and your team. Will be given. Priority reassignment. In new roles. And duties. In other offices.”
After an awkward silence, Humphrey began his defense. “Mr. Vice President, before you and your esteemed staff come to any final conclusions, I would like to read an assessment from a particularly wise voice on these matters.”
Humphrey reached into his briefcase and removed a copy of
Earth in the Balance
.
“First edition, Mr. Vice President,” Humphrey beamed. “With your permission, sir, I’d like to read aloud one passage that I found particularly relevant to this discussion.”
Gore nodded, and the head-movement mechanisms within his neck were almost entirely inaudible.
“Page ninety-six: ‘As the climate pattern begins to change, so too do the movements of the wind and rain, the floods and droughts, the grasslands and the deserts.’ ” He paused. “ ‘
The insects and the weeds
, the feasts and famines, the seasons of peace and war.’ ”
One of Gore’s aides couldn’t stifle an awkward chuckle. Humphrey ignored him, and continued his eye contact with the vice president’s optical sensors.
“Mr. Vice President, as you know, environmental research is drastically underfunded considering its importance not merely to the country but to the very survival of our species itself. The fine workers of the Environmental Protection Agency no doubt do their very best, but their attention to the particular threat of climate change–driven invasive species infestations is spotty, and I’m being kind. As a man of science, you understand how much vital work is dismissed and mocked by an ill-informed public. As a federal agency dealing with the threat to our agriculture, economy, and public health from weeds, you can imagine how many
Little Shop of Horrors
jokes we’ve endured over the years. We are perpetually ridiculed, ignored, derided, and dismissed as a waste. But you know better, sir. You know the importance of our mission, and how vital it will prove in the coming years of global warming. Unfortunately, I do not exaggerate when I say that if you will not stand up for us, no one will.”
Humphrey and his staff had prepared their traditional evocative visual aids. Gore stared down at the maps before him, which were projecting green waves of thorny tropical vines snarling the upper Midwest and Mid-Atlantic. One caricature depicted vines coiling around the St. Louis arch, and helpfullypointed out that Missouri had eleven electoral votes in the upcoming presidential election.
“A changing climate is a weed’s best friend, Mr. Vice President,” Humphrey warned gravely. “That is the unpleasant, but unavoidable fact. You could call it an …
inconvenient truth
.”
Somewhere
“Wait a minute …” Wilkins said, looking around the conference room within the Old Executive Office Building. “I’ve been in this room before.”
Woodrow Wilson’s portrait had replaced that of Calvin Coolidge, and Jack Kennedy had replaced Dwight Eisenhower. Wilkins and Humphrey were awaiting the arrival of the vice president and his team, a meeting that represented their last shot at removing themselves from the REGO chopping block.
With only a slight whirring of his mechanical joints and the hum of the powerful computer within his cranium almost entirely inaudible, Vice President Al Gore entered and activated “Reinventing Government Explanatory Monologue 46-C.” He concluded:
“And that. My friends. Is why we. Are strongly considering. Reassigning the duties. Of this agency. To the Bureau of Agricultural. Resource Management. Rest assured. All efforts will be made. To minimize disruption. And you and your team. Will be given. Priority reassignment. In new roles. And duties. In other offices.”
After an awkward silence, Humphrey began his defense. “Mr. Vice President, before you and your esteemed staff come to any final conclusions, I would like to read an assessment from a particularly wise voice on these matters.”
Humphrey reached into his briefcase and removed a copy of
Earth in the Balance
.
“First edition, Mr. Vice President,” Humphrey beamed. “With your permission, sir, I’d like to read aloud one passage that I found particularly relevant to this discussion.”
Gore nodded, and the head-movement mechanisms within his neck were almost entirely inaudible.
“Page ninety-six: ‘As the climate pattern begins to change, so too do the movements of the wind and rain, the floods and droughts, the grasslands and the deserts.’ ” He paused. “ ‘
The insects and the weeds
, the feasts and famines, the seasons of peace and war.’ ”
One of Gore’s aides couldn’t stifle an awkward chuckle. Humphrey ignored him, and continued his eye contact with the vice president’s optical sensors.
“Mr. Vice President, as you know, environmental research is drastically underfunded considering its importance not merely to the country but to the very survival of our species itself. The fine workers of the Environmental Protection Agency no doubt do their very best, but their attention to the particular threat of climate change–driven invasive species infestations is spotty, and I’m being kind. As a man of science, you understand how much vital work is dismissed and mocked by an ill-informed public. As a federal agency dealing with the threat to our agriculture, economy, and public health from weeds, you can imagine how many
Little Shop of Horrors
jokes we’ve endured over the years. We are perpetually ridiculed, ignored, derided, and dismissed as a waste. But you know better, sir. You know the importance of our mission, and how vital it will prove in the coming years of global warming. Unfortunately, I do not exaggerate when I say that if you will not stand up for us, no one will.”
Humphrey and his staff had prepared their traditional evocative visual aids. Gore stared down at the maps before him, which were projecting green waves of thorny tropical vines snarling the upper Midwest and Mid-Atlantic. One caricature depicted vines coiling around the St. Louis arch, and helpfullypointed out that Missouri had eleven electoral votes in the upcoming presidential election.
“A changing climate is a weed’s best friend, Mr. Vice President,” Humphrey warned gravely. “That is the unpleasant, but unavoidable fact. You could call it an …
inconvenient truth
.”
Somewhere
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